Bad husband! No nookie!

[Crankin]

I am going to play the devil's advocate, too. It seems like this is a communication problem. Nobody can be expected to "know" what you want them to do, unless you explicitly tell them. We all have different communication styles and the way we learn to use them is from our family of origin.
I don't buy this "men are this way, women are that way" thing. We are all different. My husband does not automatically think of himself first, but on the other hand, I can categorically say that I don't put others first all the time, either. Women are socialized to do that... whether it's right or wrong, is up for us each to decide, but I decided a long time ago that taking care of myself was the most important thing I could do. This was after a horrible first marriage that wrecked my self esteem and sanity. You may think this is selfish, but if I didn't take care of me, than what good would I be as a partner or a parent?
Since I am coming upon my 30th anniversary, I think my strategy has worked.
I also think Limewave and Tuckerville know what they need to do; it might not be easy, but they are on the right track.

[channlluv]

{{{Tuckerville}}} and {{{Limewave}}}

I can relate to both your stories. D*H and I have had a really rocky road the last several years. We've been together for 15, married for 14. We have one beautiful daughter, but I've lost three to miscarriage, and there were two more positive home tests, but they didn't last long enough to be counted as official pregnancies.

We've had, and do have, serious financial issues, and recently he's decided that he's not feeling connected enough to me to continue trying to make our marriage work. Maybe he's right. Marriage is really, really hard sometimes.

It's breaking my heart. So yeah, I get both of you.

Here's to an easier path home for all of us.

Roxy

[Tri Girl]

Hugs to all of you dealing with stressful marriages or break-ups of marriage. I pray it gets better (whatever that may be for you).

Karen- I would have been upset, too. Even tho I would have done the same as you (go on- I'm fine), I still would have liked for him to call and check on me if I wasn't home when he got home. Even tho you may not have been crystal clear, it would have been nice for him to at least see if you were OK since you weren't home.
I guess it's a good thing, but my DH doesn't stress if I'm not home when I say I'll be. One time I was an hour later than I told him I'd be on my bike ride, and he didn't even think twice about it. If it were the other way around, I'd have been calling him to see if he was OK. I guess we really ARE from two different planets.

[mudmucker]

I am generalizing but I have to say that I think that men tend not to be as intuitive as women are and simply will not "get it" unless you spell it out very clearly.

Yes! This has been my experience in communicating with men exactly. And I have been dating for 32 years.

We've had, and do have, serious financial issues, and recently he's decided that he's not feeling connected enough to me to continue trying to make our marriage work.

It's breaking my heart.

Ach. Gosh you guys. Now one more...

{{{Tuckerville}}} and {{{Limewave}}} and {{{Channnlluv}}}