I think you're descriptions are hilarious! I'm trying to figure out which one I am. I'm really a non-swimmer, but my daughter wants me to do a triathlon with her, so I'm trying to figure out how to swim laps. It's incredibly taxing and I can only go one length of the pool at a time. I totally panic if someone gets in my lane with me, but usually I spend so much time catching my breath that I can time it so I don't have to pass anyone