Irulan, those are things I have heard from parents. BTW, most of those parents and kids are considered good and successful. Some are comments parents have said about their own child(ren)/situation or another's child(ren)/situation because it impacts their children.

Iulan, counselors have said there are a lot of good kids doing some pretty amazing things. You and your husband have raised kids in that category, which is wonderful. That is an accomplishment because parenting is not for the weak.

There are a lot of families that are not quite as functional as yours. Some counselors I've talked with say the ones that need the attention, because of their dysfunction, get it. The ones who don't need the attention, don't get it. The good kids don't cause any trouble to gain attention; they go about their business. The disruptive ones can't be allowed to be disruptive.

One counselor said the good kids he deals with don't really want or need attention. Those kids want the attention to go where it is needed most.

Having been a "bad" kid turned "good," I can say good kids do get attention, and better treatment than the bad ones. Good kids get a lot of positive attention whereas bad kids often don't. I got a lot of negative attention, was ignored, and was treated differently, as a bad kid. Bad kids usually get attention only when they are bad and need discipline.

If an English teacher had not possessed the courage to flunk me one 6 weeks and my sister had not been graduating with honors and going off to college that same year, I may not have turned around. After I turned around, the positive attention I got was wonderful! Loved it! I loved the respect I got, too.

I haven't thought much about it but there is a difference in treatment of good and bad kids.