I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. In fact, it sounds like you have had really lousy service from this shop. I would be very concerned about his guestimates on size - in fact if it were me I'd want a chance to ride a bike that was pretty similar to the size he is recommending for you before ordering a custom frame. And the shop should treat you with respect; after all you are a potential customer.

As a starting point, have you considered calling IF directly and talking with someone there? I wonder if they could recommend another bike shop in your area that would be more in tune to your needs.

On the colors front - I hope that the bike shop provided color swatches on paper - not on the computer. Colors on monitors are not always true and should not be used to pick colors for a custom frame. Plus - when I bought my first custom bike, it was built by a local framebuilder who used a wonderful paint shop - and unbelievably he gave me a 3 inch 3-ring binder full of paint colors. He told me to go outside and look at them in daylight as opposed to in the artificial light in the store.

Good luck!
--- Denise