Tales from the LBS.... When the day starts like this you KNOW your in trouble..

[Running Mommy]

******WARNING THIS IS A LONG RANT! MAKE A SANDWHICH, GRAB SOME SNACKS. CONSIDER READING THIS POST LIKE READING WAR AND PEACE**********


Sometimes I wish I had a web cam in the shop so you ladies (and mr silver) could see the things an LBS go through on a daily basis. I'm sure we aren't special, and it's prolly the same with all shops. Certainly it may explain why sometime when you walk into your lbs the folks behind the counter may seem a bit beaten down.
This is how my day started yesterday.
I roll into the shop at 9:45 am and realize that running hubby has the keys to the shop, as I had to give mine to the fire dept dude the other day. RH is on his way back from a shop ride 60 miles away. I make an SOS call to my friend michelle who works with us. She has a key, but since she knows I get in early enough, she usually rolls in right at 10.
Of course there are people waiting for us at the door. (yes this is a good problem, but why on the one day that you are running late. Any other day and no one would be there).
Michelle rolls in right near ten. I explain to the folks that I just need to open the register and un-cable the bikes. (extra security measure we do every night). They are nice and understanding. Michelle and I are running loopy, and then running hubby pulls up. I hate being harried like that, so maybe I was still in a bit of a fluff. But we got everything and everyone taken care of and were settling in.
And then Mr. caveman walks in the door wheeling a new steed, fresh off the wal mart sales floor. I step forward to greet him and see what we can assist him with. (you will see soon why I refer to him as a caveman. And NO this is not standard practice with our customers. We love our customers! 99.9% of the time)
Caveman: Yeah I called earlier. I need to get this tuned up.
Me: Ok. well looks like she is brand new?
CM: Yes. I just bought it at wal mart but it doesnt shift right and I want to make sure that it's put together right.
Me: (impressed that even if he bought it at wallys he at least wants to make sure it's safe) Ok. No problem. We will go through the shifting, the brakes, make sure the stem is tight, as well as the bottom bracket/cranks (gesturing with my hands all of the things we will do) And we will also true the wheels, as it's rare that a new bike comes out of the box with wheels that are true.

*** this is when I notice the wheels... Some nimnut at schwinn decided that it would look "cool" to make a 26" wheel with an aero road wheel type dish to it. And of course it's a shraeder wheel, but it needs long stem tubes. This is something that I have yet to be able to find through any of my distributors.***

me: Hmm. I see that this bike has wheels that will require an extended valve stem (I gesture towards the valve stem and point out the wheel dish) . I want to warn you that when you eventually need to change the tubes on this bike you most likely won't be able to find tubes for it. I don't know why Schwinn did this, and I see it all the time. It's very frustrating but I have tried to find tubes to fit these bikes with the extended valves but they just don't seem to exist. Or at least I can't find them.

*** At this point our service manager is listening in and suggests that he had heard that you could get valve extenders from autozone. He's not sure if they are the right diameter, but he had heard that somewhere. ***

caveman: Ok, then answer this question for me. Can you just change the tubes. Why don't you put some of those slime tubes in...

me: (thinking ok, maybe he didn't understand me??) Well that is the problem sir. We cannot get tubes with an extended valve stem. (thinking HOW can I explain myself better). So we can't do it. See that road bike right there (gesture to a tri bike with an aerowheel) that bike requires long stem tubes, and they make them for those type of bikes. But those are a different valve, and they are a different size. They just don't seem to make them for your size wheel. But what we can do since your tubes are new is to add slime to them.

*** according to michelle, by the look on his face somewhere in my attempt to get CM to understand me he just tuned out and gave me this "stupid girl you don't know what your talking about" look. ****
CM: (with a scoul on his face). NO. I asked you to answer my QUESTION. And you are not answering my QUESTION. (yes he sounded annoyed and almost had a mocking tone).

This is when our service manager (a man btw) steps in because he likely senses my head is ready to explode...

mgr: Sir what Denise is trying to tell you is that we cannot change your tubes because they do not make replacement tubes with the long valve- or at least none of our ten distributors have them. So we can add slime to these tubes, and you could go to autozone and look into the schraeder valve extenders, but we don't have tubes for this type wheel.
He then reaches back and grabs a tube to show the guy how only a nub would be poking through the rim and we wouldn't be able to air it up.

CM: (in a nice calm "man to man" tone) Oh, ok. Well thanks for answering my question (shoots me a look). Ok, so I will go look for those extenders. In the meantime just put a new slime tube in anyway.

mgr: But I won't be able to pump up the tires, and we need to be able to test ride your bike to make sure the shifting is right.

CM: Ok. Well you said you can add slime to these so just do that.

Mr caveman then turns to the manager and thanks HIM for his help, give's michelle his info and waltzes out without so much as a glance in my direction.

My manager looks at me with a sly grin, wanting to laugh but knowing I write his paycheck. I look at him and Michelle and proclaim "THAT is the prime example of a man who thinks women don't know what the hell they are talking about. And most certainly wouldn't take mechanical advice from a woman".
He shrugged and replied "Yeah, I told him the same thing you did. I was even careful to explain it EXACTLY as you did. Because you explained it just fine, and it made perfect sense. But I wanted to see if he either really was not understanding us, or was just a caveman who thinks women are clueless".

Why is it that men of a certain age (I'm trying not to generalize here, but this has happened to me more than once) have such backward thinking?
I will be the first one to admit that I really don't know all that much about the workings in the shop. But you can't be in the business and not pick up at least SOME knowledge! I once had a guy ask me for a chain and when I asked him what speed the bike was he told me "it doesn't matter, a chain is a chain"...
I had the same thing with a rear derailluer once. The guy yelled at me to JUST give him one! It didn't matter what kind it was. When I rang it up I explained our return policy. He came back the next day with it in pieces and tried to tell running hubby that I sold it to him and didn't know what I was talking about. I of course had explained it to everyone in the shop in case it came back. He said "No she didn't sir. I was in the back. I heard the whole thing. You insisted that this would work and it didn't matter. I'm sorry but this is broken now, and I'm not going to take it back".

And yes, they all appeared to have come from roughly the same generation.

Anyway, sorry for my rant. Sometimes it's just more than I can take, so I need my TE friends shoulders!

Oh- and my next customer... Two older ladies that didn't know what they wanted, but they didn't want anything I had to offer because it was too fancy with those gears and cords (brake cables) and things. But the coaster brake cruisers were too "big and heavy looking" And when showing them a bike one asked "is this aluminum or metal".....

and after that. A regular that buys more from ebay than from us. He brought in some xtr front D that he thought he "scored" until running hubby explained to him the clamp size was too small, as it was a very old xtr and wouldn't work on his bike. We had one that would work in stock, but he said "no thats ok. I'll go home and see what I can find online. Now what size do I need again?"

and next up... a guy buying a comfort bike who is 6' and really needed the large. But it was black and the medium is red. And he wanted the red one. So he wanted to know what we could do to make it work (now where did I put that frame stretcher?)

And later that day...
A guy who wanted us to price out upgrading his road bike. He wanted prices on ultegra and DA, and "the better sram groups".
We know this one well... So we gave him general prices for the groupsets.
He wanted us to not only price out every componet in the group individually but to also write down the model numbers....
Yeah, so he can go home and find it all online.
We explained to him that the model numbers weren't needed because we would make sure that we ordered the correct ones for him when he decided which gruppo he wanted to go with.

And last but not least...

It's a taco, nooooo it's a wheel off a wal mart bike!

A guy with a wheel so bad it actually really did resemble a taco. He claimed that he just took the bike off a curb ( I was JRA). He didn't understand why we couldn't fix it. It was also a disc wheel with a cassette, so not a cheap replacement. He left in a huff and said "I bet that lawnmower shop down the road can fix it"... (evergreen bike and lawn. Yes, that is our closest competition)

So yeah, there you go. That was my saturday. I really do LOVE what I do! And when I can get someone on a bike I'm tickled beyond belief. Esp the riders new to the sport. I love to see their excitement.
I have so many great customers that I cherish because they are so special to me. I consider so many of them friends.
But sometimes there are just those days.... The days when you want to go home and have a stiff drink. Yesterday was THAT kind of a day!
We ALL have them! Even those of us with our "dream" jobs.


wheww. You MADE it!! Iron reader that you are! You deserve a medal!

[lph]

Hilarious stories! At least they are good for entertaining us

I feel like going to my lbs and being a model customer.

[DebW]

Oh- and my next customer... Two older ladies that didn't know what they wanted, but they didn't want anything I had to offer because it was too fancy with those gears and cords (brake cables) and things. But the coaster brake cruisers were too "big and heavy looking" And when showing them a bike one asked "is this aluminum or metal".....

OK, this one reminds me of when I was in high school and working in a bike shop. One of my high school gym teachers came in to buy a bike, and I was showing her some 10-speeds. At one point I told her "all the parts on this bike are metric" and she said "what's metric?"

This spring we had a woman come into the shop with her new race wheels and asked us to true them. The manager noticed that the spokes were way loose and called her to tell her. Apparently she'd bought then off ebay, ie. there's somebody building and selling wheels on ebay who has no idea what correct spoke tension is. Scary...

And every once in awhile we get the customer who, when informed that the price of repairing their Walmart bike will be >$50, says "But I only paid $50 for the bike" Well, if you pay $50 for a bike and want to ride it, plan to spend another $100 in repairs. One woman last year was quite adamant that this Walmart bike was supposed to work perfectly, but of course the wheels weren't true and the brakes weren't adjusted so the wheels wouldn't even turn. Finally the manager told her to take it back to Walmart. Then she admitted she'd bought it last fall and left it sitting in her basement all winter having never been ridden, so she couldn't take it back.

RM, sorry you got slammed by all the worst customers in one day.

[crazycanuck]

Denise, have you been to www.notalwaysright.com ??? I really do feel sorry for anyone in retail. CUstomers

I promise you I would never treat the folks at our fave shops that way! I may not be the most technically minded when it comes to bike components but I do my best....


Thank you though for giving it your best

[lph]

My own favourite story of BSOs (Bike Shaped Objects aka Walmart bikes), which I've told here before, bear with me ;-), is of our neighbour who came by with a childs bike that "didn't work", and asked if I could possibly take a look. Both wheels were flat, of course, but the humdinger was that the gear cables and housing hadn't been cut to fit, were of course way too long so had been wrapped around the frame, making it impossible to use the gears...

[OakLeaf]

Sorry you had to go through that D. but thanks for keeping your sense of humor.

Here's hoping that was your share of 'em for a while. (Forever is too much to hope for I know. )

[ridebikeme]

Ohhh typical tales from the shop... I've always said that it would be fun to write a book with stories like this. It would be fun to read when I'm older and need a good laugh. At any rate, I try to remind myself that if I wasn't lucky enough to STILL be in business, then I would miss out on all these stories.

If Autozone has the valve extenders that you might need on the wallyworld bikes, then I would have a few in stock. Not only does it appear to the customer that you have everything they need, but also would be helpful in explaining the whole situation. The fewer stops that a customer has to make, the more likely they are to return to your shop, and in the end it puts more $ in the cash register.

[Ana]

Regarding your comment about generational differences: I have noticed a prominent trend in people around my age (early 20's) and younger which includes a few attitudes: entitlement, online bargain hunting and economical misunderstanding. I am not attributing these characteristics to all people in that age group but enough to notice a trend.

Most of the entitlement attitude I experience comes from upper middle class or upper class families who have been given almost anything they want by their baby boomer parents. I am not against parents providing things for their children. On the contrary, I believe it is necessary for parents to provide certain things to children. However, if those things are simply given to them without any requirements to restrictions (i.e. earning it), then those things do not hold any positive personal reflection to the child. The outcome can be that they lack ambition and determination because they believe they deserve whatever it is they want and that they should not have to work for it.

Online bargain hunting is rather customary for people my age. The problem arises when they use local shops, like yours, to find a product they would like to find online more inexpensively. Which is a segway into the economical misunderstanding, combined with their egocentric entitlement. To the best of my ability, I can only imagine they believe that they deserve things they want at the lowest possible price which is somewhat counter intuitive because they are devaluing their own desires, in a way, by refusing to pay a penny more than they can find it for. What they fail to understand is that they are, especially in the case of bicycles, purchasing a bicycle for the quality of service and knowledge you have to offer (i.e. you and your staff), and that it is to their benefit to put money back into their local economy. If the lawnmower place is your biggest competition, I highly suspect that if people in or near your town purchase these eBay bikes, they will have to come into your shop to get them tuned, repaired, upgraded, etc.

I am very sorry to hear about your ordeal. Maybe it was just one of those tough days....we all have them They can be quite trying... I never expect the "cavemen" type people to disappear....I encounter them much more frequently than I care to.

I realize the value of having a LBS and support them when I can

[papaver]

LBS's here even refuse to work on 'bikes' that are bought in Wall Mart type of stores. People buy junk and expect the people at the LBS's to turn them into state of the art bikes... for no money at all. And when they can't they are perceived as being the morons.

[Duck on Wheels]

Great stories! Sad and frustrating, but still very funny.
Maybe you could write a book and market them ... all anonymized, of course, to protect the innocent (double entendre intended: the clueless customers and the blameless LBS).

[arielmoon]

Sounds like you could use a virtual hug ((((Denise))))

[Biciclista]

what is JRA?
I am sorry that the caveman made you feel like you had to explain that you understood some "man knowledge" of course you do. And i'm glad he left your store with those same sorry tubes in his bike.
I hope you have a raft of better days to make up for that one!

[beccaB]

The ONLY bike stuff I would ever buy online would be stuff to put on ME, with the exception of helmets and shoes. Except of course I haven't found a local bike shop with near the selection of shoes for women that they have for men.

[colby]

Wow. What a day!!!

I have experienced The Caveman in my line of work (IT and software), too, and I also get it because of my age. I told my boss last week in a fit of frustration that "there's a certain age where people just assume you know what you're doing rather than making you prove it... I'm not there yet." Unfortunately with gender, you NEVER get there, and some guys are really big jerks.

Way to hang in there!!!!!!!

[Irulan]

JRA = Just Riding Along

sounds like chapter two of this class CL rant,
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best...192150038.html


Whoo-hoo Seattle, the sun is out! Let's discuss a few things before you fumble with swapping the unused ski rack for the unused bike rack on the Subaru.

So yes, you've noticed the sun is out, and hey!- maybe it would be cool to to some bike riding. Let's keep in mind that the sun came out of all 600,000 of us, so for the most part, you're not the only one who noticed. Please remember that when you walk into my shop on a bright, sunny Saturday morning. It will save you from looking like a complete twat that huffs "Why are there so many people here?"

Are we all on the same page now about it being sunny outside? Have we all figured out that we're not the only clever people that feel sunny days are good for bike riding? Great. I want to kiss all of you on your forehead for sharing this moment with me. Put your vitamin D starved fingers in mine, and we'll move on together to some pointers that will make life easier.

SOME POINTERS FOR THE PHONE:

- I don't know what size of bike you need. The only thing that I can tell over the phone is that you sound fat. I don't care how tall you are. I don't care how long your inseam is. Don't complain to me that you don't want to come ALL THE WAY down to the bike shop to get fitted for a bike. I have two hundred bikes in my inventory. I will find one that fits you. Whether you come from the north or the south, my shop is downhill. Pretend you're going to smell a fart, ball up, and roll your fat *** down here.

- Don't get high and call me. Write it down, call me later. When I have four phone lines ringing, and a herdlet
of people waiting for help, I can't deal with you sitting there "uuuuhhh"-ing and "uuummm"-ing while your brain tries to put together some cheeto-xbox-fixie conundrum. We didn't get disconnected, I left you on hold to figure your **** out.

-I really do need to see your bike to know what is wrong with it. You've already figured out that when you car makes a noise, the mechanic needs to see it. When your TV goes blank, a technician needs to see it. I can tell you, if there is one thing I've learned from you ****ing squirrels, it's that "doesn't shift right" means your bike could need a slight cable adjustment, or you might just need to stop backing into it with the Subaru. Bring it in, I'll let you know for sure.

- No, I don't know how much a good bike costs. For some, spending $500 dollars is a kingly sum. For others, $500 won't buy you one good wheel. You really need to have an idea of what you want, because every one of you raccoons "doesn't want to spend too much".

FOR YOU INVENTIVE TYPES AND DO-IT-YOURSELFERS:

- Just because you think is should exist, doesn't mean that it does. I know that to you, a 14 inch quill stem makes perfect sense, but what makes more sense is buying a bike that fits you, not trying to make your mountain bike that was too small for you to begin with into a comfort bike.

- If some twat on some message board somewhere says that you can use the lockring from your bottom bracket as a lockring for a fixie conversion doesn't mean that A: you can, or B: you should. Please listen to me on this stuff, I really do have your best interests at heart.

- I love that you have the enthusiasm to build yourself a recumbent in the off season. That does not mean however, that I share your enthusiasm; ergo I won't do the "final tweaks" for you. You figure out why that Sram shifter and that Shimano rear derailleur don't work together. While we're at it, you recumbent people scare me a little. Don't bring that lumbering ****ing thing anywhere near me.

A DEDICATION TO ALL THE HIPSTER DUCHEBAGS:

-If you shitheads had any money, you wouldn't NEED a vintage Poo-zhow to get laid. Go have an ironic mustache growing contest in front of American Apparel, so that I can continue selling $300 bikes to fatties, which is what keeps the lights on.

- Being made in the 80's may make something cool, but that doesn't automatically make something good. The reason that no one has ridden that "vintage" Murray is because it's ****. It was **** in the 80's, a trend it carried proudly through the 90's, and rallied with into the '00's. What I mean to say is, no, I can't make it work better. It's still ****, even with more air in the tires.

SO YOU'RE GONNA BUY A BIKE:

Good for you! Biking is awesome. It's easy, it's fun, it's good for you. I want you to bike, I really do. To that end, I am here to help you.

-Your co-worker that's "really into biking" knows **** all. Stop asking for his advice. He could care less about you having the right bike. He wants to validate his bike purchase(s) through you. He also wants to sleep with you, and wear matching bike shorts with you.

- You're not a triathlete. You're not. If you were, you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

- You're not a racer. If you were, I'd know you already, and you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

- So you want a bike that you can ride to work, goes really fast, is good for that triathlon you're doing this summer (snicker), is good on trails and mud, and costs less than $300. Yeah. Listen, I want a car that can go 200 miles an hour, tow a boat, has room for five adults, is easy to parallel park but can carry plywood, gets 60mpg, and only costs $3,000. I also want a unicorn to blow me. What are we even talking about here? Oh yeah. Listen, bikes can be fast, light, cheap and comfortable. Pick two, and we're all good.

ABOUT YOUR KIDS:

Your kids are amazing. Sure are. No one else has kids as smart, able, funny or as good looking as you. Nope. Never see THAT around here.

- I have no idea how long you kid will be able to use this bike. As it seems to me, your precious is a little retarded, and can't even use the damn thing now. More likely, your budding genius is going to leave the bike in the driveway where you will Subaru the bike to death LONG before the nose picker outgrows the bike.

- Stop being so jumpy. I am not a molester. You people REALLY watch too much TV. When I hold the back of the bike while your kid is on it, it's not because I get a thrill from *almost* having my hand on kid butt, it's because kids are unpredictable, and generally take off whenever possible, usually not in the direction you think they might go. Listen, if I were going to do anything bad to your kids, I'd feed them to sharks, because sharks are ****ING AWESOME.


I hope this helps, and have fun this summer riding your kick-*** bike!