caring for elderly parent

[NbyNW]

Very few homes are truly accessible, unless the person selling it to you retrofitted it for similar reasons. I believe this is going to become more common in the future, as your situation does not sound so unusual.

Some good friends of ours built an addition off of their living room when one of them started to have trouble getting up and down stairs. Their architect and builder did a beautiful job, and they referred to their home as a "ranch with a guest floor (upstairs).

Since you're in MA, here is an excellent resource:
http://www.adaptenv.org/

[SadieKate]

I don't have any advice but just wanted to add an empathic note.

We just got the call that my 81 yr old dad broke his hip this morning. He's sitting in the ER now, waiting for the ortho to come consult on PT vs surgery.

[PscyclePath]

Newf:

I've been through it twice in the past year... My dad's Alzheimers disease began progressing sharply around Christmas the year before last, and he went into a decline, and passed away this past New Year's. We went through hospitalization, home care, and hospice for the last five months or so.

Then my mom fell and broke her right hip the first of last month. She bounced back pretty quickly for being 79, and has been released to go home about a month ago. She's doing fine, needs a fair bit of watching after, and the home health care folks have fits because of her wanting to do things her way, and her pet poodles. In turn, they give me fits because she doesn't always folow their instructions. "Do you think she minds me any better than she does you?" So far, I'm (and she's) making it pretty well...

It's hard. Very hard. And sometimes the things you have to do to help them and protect them will tear your heart apart, especially when there's dementia involved.

I'm single, and after the past year I have a pact with my sisters (both out of state) than if anything like that ever happens to me, they'll put me down like an old hound dog. I don't want to be a burden like that to anyone...

Tom

[tulip]

Sent you a PM.

It would be a very good idea to have a sit-down with an attorney who specializes in elder care issues. If your mother's house is in her name, that needs to be changed asap. It might be too late to protect her assets, but it's definitely worth a consult.

It's hard for everyone, but if you get the legal and financial ducks lined up as best you can, there are fewer surprises.

[newfsmith]

Thanks for the replies, I do know what I'm getting into, I grew up with 3 grandparents in the house. Maybe because of that, as long as possible I want to keep her in our home. Bike ride tonight cleared my mind enough to realize that we had been thinking about our house the wrong way, all we really need is another bathroom and a Vertical Platform lift to get her into the house. That should all be within our budget. Now for the massive house reorganization. Thanks for the support.

[salsabike]

I did not have exactly the same situation so I have not PMed you. I DID have a year, June 2006-June 2007, when my elderly mother became ill, deteriorated over the year, and died. During that year, since I lived 3000 miles away, I worked with the world's most wonderful geriatric care manager in my home town. She was a member of the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers. Members in your area can be found at

http://www.caremanager.org/index.cfm\

They can tell you what kinds of help are available depending on her and your situation and ID resources for you in your area.

I also worked with a small business called Moving Mentors, located in the Berkshires, to help get my mom's house cleaned out and things either donated or given away.

Both of these organizations were life savers for me.

Newfsmith, Tom, SK, and others, my sympathy. This stuff is very hard. One of my best friends says that she has told her adult kids that when they find her not using lipstick and reading the NY Times, they'll know it's time to take her out in the backyard and shoot her. I'm not single, but we don't have kids. But no matter what your situation is--single, married, with kids or without--it's difficult, painful stuff that we just trudge through the best we can, using the help we can find.