When we first got bikes, my husband and I biked to work. He was faster than I was, though we were both out of shape. It was so difficult for me, I remember stopping and getting mad at him for going faster and all kinds of weird issues. One ride home from work, I remember thinking... screw this. I'm going to go my pace, and if he's faster, he's faster. I'm riding for ME.

Fast forward like 5 years, and the tables are severely turned. I know last year when we'd ride to work, my husband would be frustrated with me like I was with him - and I always tried to keep a positive attitude with him, but still give him space. Sometimes the right answer is to ride your own pace, let him ride his own pace, and choose a point to meet back up. I would absolutely look into being able to ride with the kids on your own - don't always give him the choice, just fasten the kids to your bike and conveniently leave them there when you go out for your next ride. Maybe he won't feel like you're ditching him with the kids... but it's hard to say. The attitude problem is on his end, but I get where you're coming from.

I have found that this year, my husband is working out more, and while he still can't keep up with me, his attitude about cycling and things in general is better. Sometimes once you get over that hump, things start to come together - exercise does often improve one's mood and outlook on the world, and consistent exercise really does help. However, I had to do this not by "hey, join me on my rides" but rather "we have a gym membership, why don't you go do that while I do the dishes today"... eventually we started doing more things together again, but it took some independent time first.

I think there's an element of the abandonment thing (sometimes I have told stories about strange guys on rides thanking me for the "tough workout" of them trying to keep up with me, or guys that start riding with me and talking about my bike, and I can see that those aren't received favorably ). There's some kind of jealousy or 'sense of duty' thing (he should be stronger than you, right? be able to go farther? be your knight in shining armor?). It's complicated and when it comes out of their mouths, rather than saying "I'm really hurt by X" or "I'm having a hard time dealing with Y" some dudes come out with anger and deflection... which just encourages us to not want to be around them, which I guess feeds the cycle.

And they say women are complicated...