Quote Originally Posted by shootingstar View Post
After reading your efforts, it sounds like you do need back off of trying to convince him about cycling too. Just enjoy it with your kids or by yourself.
My plan is just to enjoy it myself for now... and include the kids (little ones in trailer, big one on his own bike). I don't like feeling like I have to rely on him to be home in order to go ride (I don't think that's fair to either of us, honestly), so I'm fixing that for my own sake... and I had planned on doing so prior to yesterday... and that doesn't change. I want to be able to transport the bike(s) plus kids with my car. I wanted to do that before I was really set on taking the kids biking with me... just because it would be easier to have a way to transport my bike that did NOT include having to take the kids' carseats out of the car, because they're a PITA to get back in - I'd rather not have to do that more than I need to (a few times a year to clean off the back seat is enough) Plus if I needed to take my bike to the LBS or something, it's not always convenient to go without the kids.

Of course I don't want to push him if he doesn't want to do this... because it should be fun for everyone if we're going to do it together (or rather, try to), but given that 3 years ago he picked out his bike and the trailer for the kids on his own.. that kind of left me with the impression that it was something he wanted to start doing.. or at least pick up an interest in, but he just didn't, and I don't know why - maybe it was me not being interested at the time (no working bike)? Maybe it was too much of a chore to get out and do it with the kids on his own? I guess only he can answer that one, but honestly I can't figure out a way to ask that and not have it sound like an accusation. My only solution is to just drop it for now, and as he sees the kids are enjoying it more, perhaps he'll be interested in participating as well.

Does he have a fitness activity that he engages in or would like to try? Encourage that instead. We cannot convince our loved ones that cycling is the activity for them either right now or ever.
As of right now.. not really, and to be honest he hasn't the entire time I've known him (10+ years). He's into motorcycles, but currently has no one to go ride with... he tends to play with the dirt bikes on our property on the weekends (sometimes I join him).. but it's not exactly what I'd call exercise, it's an adrenalin rush and little more. We're not doing technical stuff or any difficult riding. We used to go play disc golf once in a while, but not often enough to even consider it a hobby. I would like the ENTIRE family to be more active, for the benefit of us all.. but I feel like I can't suggest that without it not coming out right, if that makes sense... basically I don't want him to think I'm really suggesting that he HAS to do something to get in shape, or that I am not happy with how he is now, because neither of those is true... really he's relatively healthy, so far.. I just want him to stay that way. The way our current lifestyle is though, we do need to change because we won't be young forever, and unless we get more active, it will eventually catch up with us.

I have a host of medical issues myself... and a not very encouraging family history of heart disease (mom had heart attack at 55, dad at 53, with a stroke too). I want to be healthier than they are and not put my kids through what my parents put me through, but I already feel like I'm at a disadvantage there because I have a couple of auto-immune diseases (stupid body!) plus asthma... so I want to be able to do what I can do so that I'm around a while.. and not die young because I thought I was invincible - I know I'm not But yeah, I suppose I'm rambling now

And really I don't think our relationship is as bad as it may seem.. he is supportive of the things I want to do (I do more than just ride, obviously..lol), it's just that every once in a while we get hung up on stuff like this... or he reacts in a way I don't expect to something I would have expected to be completely benign (like the bike club) simply because we're seeing it from different perspectives - it's hard for BOTH of us to take a step back and look at things from both sides.