I misunderstood the problem. It's easy to overtighten them when you attach them to the crank, but that doesn't appear to be the case with your pedals. I don't know, sounds like you got sold some bum pedals that were damaged somehow in their previous life. I have no other suggestions, but I hope you get them working properly soon!
Interim update:
The special tools arrived. I spent three hours per pedal taking them apart, removing the original grease, being careful to not lose any of the itty bitty bearing balls, inspecting the parts, and reassembling them with new grease.
Right now I think I have them adjusted a bit too tight. However, the rockcrusher sound is gone!![]()
Another update:
I loosened the bearings a tiny bit - about 1/6th of a turn. I bike commuted all of last week and the pedals now seem fine. Previously there had also been a click! clack! click! clack! sound in sync with my pedaling cadence. That sound is finally also gone.
The real test will come the next time I wear my SPD equipped shoes...