I just want to love to ride again.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I suggest you get on your bike in plain old street clothes (with helmet though) and just go ride to have a cappuchino somewhere pleasant. Then ride home.
Think about making your bike a natural part of your everyday lifestyle instead of having biking be a big competition where every ride requires complicated preparations, special gear, and unpleasant emotions for you.
Sounds like you need to re-connect with your inner bicycle child.

[HermitGirl]

I suggest you get on your bike in plain old street clothes (with helmet though) and just go ride to have a cappuchino somewhere pleasant. Then ride home.
Think about making your bike a natural part of your everyday lifestyle instead of having biking be a big competition where every ride requires complicated preparations, special gear, and unpleasant emotions for you.
Sounds like you need to re-connect with your inner bicycle child.

I agree about the cappucchino and riding in street clothes. I don't fit into hardly *any* of my old riding clothes anyway. THe other day I just picked up my trail bike and started riding from my door up the ridge road, in my pants and t-shirt... it was thoroughly liberating to not have to GEAR UP for a ride. Thoroughly. Since driving to ride is not my forte, or philosophy, I think I will have to make that cappuccino with my campstove packed in panniers, at a nice turnout with a view of the valley, as I live on top of a mtn at around 2000 ft, ten miles from town. To ride into town to get to the fancy cafes is indeed an epic ride for me at this time (Zen, I did say "epic" _

I do definitely need to reconnect with my inner bicycle child, and not cringe at the thought of the old club riders passing me on the road (I live on a very popular mtn road-riding loop) .. barely recognising me, and then making me feel exphixiated in my own shame of not riding with them any longer .... whatEVER !!!! I think there's a degree of left over paranoia that just makes no sense any longer. Thanks.

[HermitGirl]

Bleeker St Girl ~ I am getting slammed with coincidences right and left.... I quickly viewed your profile ... I own a mtn dulcimer, but hardly know how to play it, and was thinking just the other day how I must change that !

Weird !!! , but ina cool kind of way

[Biciclista]

check out her dulcimer blog she will help you with that too!

[Crankin]

I can totally relate to you, on 2 levels. First, the same thing happened to me with aerobics. I loved it, participated for 6 years, and then I became an instructor. For the next 10 years I taught at various places, in 2 states. I began to hate it. I was 15 pounds underweight and obsessed with being skinny. Problem was, I was comparing myself to other instructors who were 20 years old. I went from being in my early 30's to early 40's during this time. Also, I am not a dancer and not much into music, so the technical part was WORK for me. I quit when I decided I wanted to be a consumer of the services! But, I didn't go much, got lazy and got fat.
So, my son started racing and my husband started riding. After a couple of years, my husband bought me some cycling shorts and a jersey and put me on an old mountain bike. I could barely breathe, and I thought I was in shape! My riding improved steadily; I never wanted to be competitive, but I knew I was better than the "slow" riders. I got certified as a trip leader and started leading trips for AMC and was on the bike committee. Guess what? I started resenting cycling! Then, 2 years ago, I got sick, with stuff no one has ever figured out. One of the things that resulted was I couldn't ride as fast. So, last year I did a few things to make me want to keep going.
I got a flat bar road bike I use for "smell the roses" rides, errands, destination rides, in addition to my carbon road bike. I took myself off of Bike Journal. I stopped using my HR monitor. I rarely look at my average, just miles.
Last season I rode the same amount of miles as the year before, but much slower. I also did more hiking, walking, yoga, xc country skiing, and snow shoeing. This winter, I started running. I *know* I am a slow runner, and it's just for fitness. I will never run in a race...
Guess what? In the last 2 weeks, I realized that my fitness level is back to where it was and so is my speed. But, I don't care. I mostly ride with others who are like me, or if they are faster, are not fanatic. So while most of my life revolves around cycling and other sports, it's on a healthy level. I even quit my gym membership, for the first time since I was 26 years old (I am 55), because I can do everything I need to at home or outside.
I think moderation is the key. The point is to keep doing this until you fall over and croak!