My Motorist Exchange...

[shootingstar]

While I don't mind people occasionally using "ma'am" for myself, (fastdogs did you actually use these terms for your parents???), I think I figured out why I rarely use "sir" or "ma'am" when speaking English vs. using non-English equivalents when I speak (Chinese or French):

If I am in a social group that is predominantly white and they are all adults, like me and they don't use ma'am nor sir, I will not use it. ....to me that sounds too deferential...as someone who is non-white in a predominantly white social group situation.

I hope you understand what I mean and not take offense. Do understand that it is a unconscious style on my part, it is not an active decision I thought about years ago. I suddenly realized the possible reason..just now. Yea, 1/2 century later.

The reason why I instinctively use the polite equivalent terms when attempting to speak French or Chinese, is that I speak both of those languages badly but I probably have better nuanced language "feelers" for Chinese expressions compared to French. To make every attempt to save face from mangling a foreign language and poor grammar, every word of politeness counts. But seriously...it has helped me in such situations.

To those who worked in the army, I worked in a government dept. which included alot of communication with the police and firefighters. Predominantly male workplace. Decision-makers were primarily male. I rarely used 'sir'. And none of the guys expected it either. I rarely heard other women use 'sir' either. I choose the culture of police and fire depts. as similar to army/military, since there is a shadow of the rank and file/order chain-of-command in management style and working relationships.

And this was 15 yrs. ago.