Quote Originally Posted by OakLeaf View Post
...
But to the person who asked "what is the alternative," I'd say, "why is a word even necessary?"

If you're trying to get the attention of someone you don't know, then a simple "excuse me" or "pardon me;" if they don't realize you're speaking to them, then a reference to a piece of their clothing ("In the red dress") will identify them to themselves better than a simple reference to their sex...
Well, personally I'd be more put off by "excuse me you in the red dress" than "ma'am" or "excuse me ma'am". I'd take the former to be of a tone more of "hey you!" and imply less respect than the later.

In the end I feel tone, more than word use, is important. For instance I could be offended just as easily (if not more so) by "excuse me" than "ma'am" depending on the verbal and physical cues I'm getting from the speaker (this of course causes issues on the internet).

Being from the south I was raised on "yes, ma'am" "no, ma'am" (or sir where appropriate). I can say it politely with respect or I can be a sarcastic little snot about it; all in the tone. Incidentally I'm much better at conveying "annoyed sarcastic snot who thinks you are an igmo" tone when saying "excuse me" than when saying "ma'am" (and I'm getting better and better at conveying it when saying "on you LEFT"...which generally comes out in a tone of "MOVE OVER MORON"...)

And I'm sorry, but to some extent it is "when in Rome". If you are traveling somewhere where social norms and conventions are likely different than yours (and the US is big enough for some of these differences to occur even within the country) you should know enough about their customs to not be grossly offended or offend (you don't have to LIKE it...just know enough to understand and respect the different convention of the area).