Grad School Anxiety

[Flybye]

I started my masters program in counseling in August. I am a 37 year old mother of 3. I went from being a stay at home mom for 11 years to a full time college student.
In my undergrad, I graduated with a 3.76. I am not saying this to brag, but to point out that most people who pursue a masters degree are pretty driven and like the challenge of a good grade.
Upon entering the program, I had assumed that it would be work, but not much different from undergrad work. Generally speaking when someone tells me something is hard before I experience it, I come out the other end thinking "that really wasn't that bad." I entered grad school with that mindset. WAS I EVER WRONG ........ I completely understand your sentiments when you say that it it a lot of work. I do not think that the work itself is that difficult to understand and grasp, but the AMOUNT of work expected in horrifying, to put it nicely.
In the midst of grad school, when I felt like I could barely breathe, had given up cycling, put on some weight, was experiencing big time guilt for taking so much time away from my family, and was exhausted, my daughter became sick and was up most of the night for about 4 weeks. The work at school didn't stop, and I persevered. She ended up needing her gallbladder removed. I was exhausted in every sense of the word.
Now that I have had a chance to regain my sleep, reorganize my life, bike a bit, loose a few pounds, and hug on my kids, I think I might have to change some priorities.
Changes that I am considering are going to a longer schedule. I have come to far to give up now and one more semester means swallowing my pride, but for my family I would gladly.
I am FINE getting lower grades now, even though I started out wanting a 4.0. So not important if I have to sell my soul to get it, if you know what I mean.
Next year I anticipate someone in my family dying. I have a two very elderly, sick grandmothers and one grandfather. My husbands aunt is not doing well either. It breaks my heart to think that you lost your grandmother in the midst of all that you have challenging you right now.
From a counselors perspective, the last thing that you should burden yourself with right now are the decisions about grad school and its challenges. Your defense is due July 20th, I wonder if the profs will give you some grace?? It doesn't sound like you have much wiggle room though. Lowering you expectations might help some - you have a great GPA - your defense more than likely reflects that.
{{{{HUG}}}}}}

[msincredible]

Sorry to hear the bad news, firenze.

Hang in there, I agree with the suggestion to talk to your prof about it, it can't hurt.

[firenze11]

Thanks Misincredible. I've emailed my prof a few times and he was very kind about my situation. I also emailed the department and they basically said I could extend if I wanted to, but I can't figure out how to fit it into my life, and like I said I'm at the point where I just need to be done.

I know right now I'm definitely in the shock/disbelief stage. Yesterday and today (so far) I've felt completely numb. I know this is natural but it is unsettling. I was thinking about my Gramma and got this really strong urge to call her and ask a question. It was bizarre, I knew she was gone but for a second I had to figure out that she was really gone forever.

I know that it is only going to get harder, so I'm trying to get everything done while I can. I hope that doesn't sound weird. At my Mom's best friend's funeral the minister came up to us afterward and said this is when the real grieving starts. I didn't really know what she meant, but I think I do now.

I really identified with everything you said Flybye, even though I'm not married and don't have kids. I think it's amazing that you've gone back to school and are figuring out how to balance everything. It is really hard, grad school is not really set up for a great work/life balance. I don't see anything wrong with taking more time to give yourself more time for family and the things the help you feel balanced. Actually, I think it's the smartest thing you could do. Also, I'm so sorry to hear that you are expecting a loss in your family.

I really appreciate your perspective as both a grad student and a counselor. I am at the point where I am ok with not being perfect and not getting a great grade on this paper. Which was hard for me. I want to pass it and I want to get my degree. I will still be incredibly proud of myself, if not more so for having been through all of this. A degree is a degree. I would just like to get it and be with my family and take time to grieve and heal.

I'm sorry this is so long. I know some people on the forum don't like advice threads too much. But I have to say you all have really, truly helped me. Sometimes it takes outsider perspectives so see things from a different angle. My friends and family are great supports but the women of TE are so diverse and I knew some of you had been/are currently in grad school that I wanted to hear your .02, too. So thank you!

[Possegal]

It's been many years since I got my degree, but this thread brings back so many feelings (few of them good) . It really is a tough time (hey, if it were easy, everyone would do it!). Hang in there, know that you aren't alone, and know that 'this too shall pass'.

When I taught some nursing grad students, one of the things I had to do frequently was remind them that although they were all 4.0 students as undergrads, odds of that happening in grad school were slim. Now they had jobs and families and life getting in the way. A 3.0 wasn't that bad a thing. Plus, I can say that at no point in time once I had that degree, has anyone asked me what my GPA was. Sure, it was hard to let go of the desire to have a 4.0. But once I let that go, it was liberating. And I got my degree and went on to a nice career, with no one thinking I was less a person because I didn't have a 4.0.

So sorry about your grandmother. That is just one more thing you didn't need right now. I lost someone very close to me about 9 months before I finished. It was tough, but I knew that she was so proud of me the day they put that hood over my shoulders. Your grandmother will still be so very proud of you. And that wanting to call thing - yay, that kinda never really goes away. My mum's been gone 10 yrs now, and I STILL reach for the phone to call her. Less now than the first few years, but I do still do it.

Good luck. I do hope it helped you some to hear so many of us say - oh yeah, been there, done that.

The day I defended my degree, called my mother to tell her. She told me, and I quote "I'm going to call your siblings and tell them. Then I'm going to bed, because this has been the longest 5 years of my life." See, it's even a very tough time on some Mum's out there.