friend coming out of the closet - tips appreciated

[lph]

I don't want to be too detailed out here on the wide open internet, but long story short: I was just told that a friend of mine is just finding out that she is gay, or bi, rather. I'm guessing that this is both a happy experience (she's fallen in luuurve ) but maybe also a bit traumatic.

Anyone who might have any good tips or insight on how to help and support, please pm me! Thanks

[papaver]

just act normal. That's it.

[Trek420]

What she sed

[papaver]

oh yes, and avoid questions like: is it different? who's the girl? is it a fase? don't you miss a p.n.s?

Just treat her the same way as if she was with a new BF. You couldn't be a greater friend than that.

[Norse]

+1 everything papaver said. Just be the same friend that you have always been. She's the same friend that you have known and loved.

[Aquila]

An extra hug and an "I'm happy you're in love" couldn't hurt

[Tri Girl]

my sister came out on New Year's Day to me. She left her husband and two boys and fell in love with a woman. We only talked once a year anyway, but I've not done/said anything different than before. She's still my sister and I still love her. Just do what you've always done.

[channlluv]

Yeah, unless she's fallen in "luuuurve" with you and you're not interested, then your relationship with her really shouldn't change, unless you can't stand her new girlfriend or something, but that's a whole 'nother relationship dynamic. I hope you like her new girlfriend.

My cousin came out to my brothers and me a few years ago at a family gathering. She called us out to the parking lot saying she had some news for us and was all nervous. She actually had trouble getting the words out. "I have something I have to tell you. I, um, I, well, I'm, um, I'm gay."

I looked at her for a second and said, "Okay, and what's the news?" She looked surprised that we already knew. My younger brother laughed and said, "Yeah, cousin, it's not like it's a secret." We'd just never talked about it, so she thought we didn't know (us being straight and so unfamiliar with gay pride accouterments and all :P). She'd had a bad experience coming out to an aunt and uncle for whom she worked a few months before, and we only saw her infrequently anyway, at the time, because she'd sort of dropped out of the family for a while. I think she thought her new lifestyle might hurt our grandparents most of all.

I can't speak for all the members of my family, but we had a good laugh about it that day. She was so relieved that we weren't freaked out. I'm just sorry that she thought we would be at all, and that it kept her away from us for so long.

Now we're on opposite sides of the continent, so I only see her every other year or so when I get back home, but I do love to see her. She's a really neat person, and her partner's a hoot, but that's a thread in itself. (Anybody else know a Fundamentalist Christian, proud-to-be-a-redneck lesbian who smokes, speaks in tongues, and sees angels? We've had some really amazing conversations. Which reminds me, I need to call them and let them know I'm heading back their way next month.)

Just love and support your friend as you always have. It's no biggie, really.

Roxy

[lph]

Thanks for the responses, everyone! Just to clarify, I'm fine with it and it's no biggie, but I figured she'd be struggling a bit with how (and when, and if) to tell co-workers and family, and shocked reactions, and then I thought many of you must have gone through this personally and know what it's like.

I've congratulated them both and they're very happy indeed

[Trek420]

Like I say; ask 1,000 gay people you get 1,001 different responses. There is no one way to be out. Though leaving your kids ... I don't approve of that and don't know any who would

Knott's an incredible Mom and makes co parenting work with her ex-DH. She's amazing.

Anyway it's not one event. I "came out" in '74. It's not like the Ellen Puppy Episode, grab a microphone in an airport and announce and that's it It's lots of decisions each day. I can imagine being in a situation it might be advisable to be closeted like right now on TE or say I was traveling in a different culture "You're wearing your QAF t'shirt in Iran? "

Imagine having to think about everything from the picture on your desk or when asked what you did over the weekend what to you say? Can you use pronouns or not? Is your boss cool or not.

From non verbal stuff like a ring to just casual stuff in a break room about weekend plans who's ok with it or not, how do I edit my life?

Try it sometime for a day or two and see how you'd fare For example in many states here one can still be fired.

LPH, your friend will be fine with a friend like you.

[colby]

Thanks for the responses, everyone! Just to clarify, I'm fine with it and it's no biggie, but I figured she'd be struggling a bit with how (and when, and if) to tell co-workers and family, and shocked reactions, and then I thought many of you must have gone through this personally and know what it's like.

I've congratulated them both and they're very happy indeed

You could check out PFLAG. It might be helpful for you to understand your role in supporting her.

http://www.pflag.org

[roadie gal]

2+ to just being her friend and being there for her.

[Trek420]

+ 2 billion on PFLAG. They are a great group for healing and bridging communities. The loudest cheers, the lump in the throat goes to the family and friends at any community event. Talk to them if you've got questions.

[Biciclista]

I can imagine being in a situation it might be advisable to be closeted like right now on TE

why do you suggest that people should be closeted on TE? So far as I can tell, many are not. You certainly are not.

[TxDoc]

why do you suggest that people should be closeted on TE?

Actually I find this surprising as well.
It seems to me that we are quite a tolerant/friendly/open discussion board, where many different people talk bicycles, regardless of individual differences. At least from what I see, it appears that we all welcome and respect everyone here, regardless of different race, ethnicity, ideals, political opinion, social class, employment, status, sexual orientation, etc.