Quote Originally Posted by shootingstar View Post
How coincidental your TE pseudonymn for that plaintive Beatles' song that expresses your eureka moment now about your "friend", racism, etc.

There was a point in my life the song made me cry, because it IS a long winding road...hopefully uphill beyond racism.

What you found out about your friend, WindingRd., feel like abit of betrayal made more difficult because you see her nearly daily at work. Consider that now since it's been a few days since she revealed her tendencies, is to express calmly when there a time for just you and her, that you were disappointed by her response but you love your boyfriend. And thank her for her honesty, wish her well.

Then walk away. That's all. Perhaps to be done if you leave this employer or when she leaves employer before you? It would minimize any spiteful/unpleasant fall-out to you on the job.

Otherwise if not comfortable, don't bother. You need to keep your job. It will not take your comment to change someone like her. It takes alot more to change people like her. Let it go and work, chat positively with other employees.

But see that's the problem. If we only speak out when it costs us nothing, then we're rarely going to speak out. In keeping silent, we become complicit in the underlying fill-in-the-blank-ism. And if we only spoke out when when were assured of changing somebody's mind, I doubt we'd speak up much then, either. The act of saying "no" counts for something IMO, even if it changes nothing in reality.

I'm not suggesting that she rip this coworker a new one, but there is a way to politely, but firmly, communicate an intolerance for such things or, in the very least, to put a personal face to the issue. And most employers know better than to fire someone for speaking out against racism. They'll find themselves on the other end of the lawsuit if they're not careful. Plus, there's nothing in the OP's question that suggests this coworker is her boss or that she'd get in trouble if she complained to management. Heck, it's very possible that management would appreciate that kind of a head's up. I know I would if I owned a business.