Racism

[WindingRoad]

I just have to vent this because it is making me soul sick. I had an uncomfortable thing happen to me the other day at work. One of my coworkers says to me: "I can't help it I'm slightly racist" when presented with a non-white customer. I didn't say anything because I was assuming she was making some sort of bad joke, well she never cracked a smile to elude to that conclusion. About a week and a half later it came up that my boyfriend is black and since making that discovery she has neglected to go riding with me or go out for food. In fact she has been very distant from me at work since. Is it possible that in this day and age I have ran across someone who is this out of touch with reality? This whole scenario makes my stomach ill and my brain dizzy, I really find it difficult to believe.

[Biciclista]

look around you. There are racists all over this country. There were people talking about leaving the country because our new president has dark skin.

It's real and it's not going to go away. I would however, tell a supervisor if person is ignoring or giving poor treatment people of color at your establishment. If she won't be friends with you because you have a black boyfriend, she's not worth your time anyway.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Is it possible that in this day and age I have ran across someone who is this out of touch with reality? This whole scenario makes my stomach ill and my brain dizzy, I really find it difficult to believe.

I don't mean to offend you but i do find it amazing that you are so surprised to stumble upon a small example of racism.
How can anyone who is in touch with world events not be aware of the worldwide issues of racism? Not only is it 'possible', but in my opinion people who say they have no prejudices are the ones 'out of touch with reality'. We are all prejudice in various ways and degrees, based on everything we have been exposed to during childhood and later during our lives.
What makes the difference is what we do with our often irrational and sometimes subtle inner prejudices. We should try to be more aware and honest with ourselves and others, try to grow forward in a positive way. I feel it's always better to talk about racism openly rather than avoid addressing it.

[Tri Girl]

I don't mean to offend you but i do find it amazing that you are so surprised to stumble upon a small example of racism.

I was thinking the same thing, Lisa just beat me to it. Racism/prejudice is all around and it exists in EVERY culture with EVERY group of people (caucasians, latinos, african-americans, asians, etc). Let's be honest- it will always be there, but like Lisa said, it's what we do with it that's important. It's easy to judge people you don't know- we all do it. Education and understanding can cure a lot of those irrational prejudices/misunderstandings.

I'm truly sorry that your work friend is being so crappy to you. She's not even worth an ounce of upset stomach or dizzying head.

[alpinerabbit]

yep, it keeps rearing its ugly head. And no one is free of stereotypes, I believe but treating customers and co-workers (by proxy) unequally is wrong.

[badger]

I think it's only human nature to look negatively at those with perceived differences. Look at India with their caste system. Those in the upper castes wouldn't dare associate themselves with those in the lower castes. And they're all from the same culture/race!

It's always more shocking when it happens to those close to you. My uncle disowned my cousin when she married a man from Pakistan (they're Japanese).

I remember this one job I applied for, I was told I wasn't "Japanese enough" (I'm half).

[Zen]

I don't mean to offend you but i do find it amazing that you are so surprised to stumble upon a small example of racism.

We don't know WindingRoad's age or location. A young idealistic person could easily have this view. I think the current generation is much more accustomed to a multicultural society than we ever were.

[indysteel]

Out of curiosity, beyond thinking at first that it was a joke, have you thought about confronting your coworker about her comment and/or reporting it to management? I agree that racism, while common, is ugly and wrong, but silence in the face of racism (or gay bashing, sexism, etc.) can be just as wrong as the racism itself. You have to be prepared to speak out against it.

[Biciclista]

Have you thought about confronting your coworker about her comment and/or reporting it to management? I agree that racism, while common, is ugly and wrong, but silence in the face of racism (or gay bashing, sexism, etc.) can be just as wrong as the racism itself. You have to be prepared to speak out against it.

++++

[Pedal Wench]

Out of curiosity, beyond thinking at first that it was a joke, have you thought about confronting your coworker about her comment and/or reporting it to management? I agree that racism, while common, is ugly and wrong, but silence in the face of racism (or gay bashing, sexism, etc.) can be just as wrong as the racism itself. You have to be prepared to speak out against it.

+2.

To me, it's far worse to let it go unnoticed - it implies that her comments are acceptable, when they're not. I've been in an interracial marriage, and had to speak up when I would not tolerate a racial joke. I've also had comments made directly to my face about my own religious background (I don't "look" a certain way - didn't know that religious beliefs made one look a certain way) and had to speak up directly to the woman making the comments.

We can't change certain people, but we can point out that we will not accept their comments. It's far worse, in my opinion, to remain silent.

[Irulan]

+3

One of my coworkers says to me: "I can't help it I'm slightly racist"

<<<don't get me going>>>>
She CAN help it, it's a choice of attitude to be racist, it's not in one's DNA. To alter that choice may require a deep examination of where the attitude came from ( family of origin, bad experiences, stereotypes) and then making an attitude adjustment. Most people don't want to work that hard.

[shootingstar]

How coincidental your TE pseudonymn for that plaintive Beatles' song that expresses your eureka moment now about your "friend", racism, etc.

There was a point in my life the song made me cry, because it IS a long winding road...hopefully uphill beyond racism.

What you found out about your friend, WindingRd., feel like abit of betrayal made more difficult because you see her nearly daily at work. Consider that now since it's been a few days since she revealed her tendencies, is to express calmly when there a time for just you and her, that you were disappointed by her response but you love your boyfriend. And thank her for her honesty, wish her well.

Then walk away. That's all. Perhaps to be done if you leave this employer or when she leaves employer before you? It would minimize any spiteful/unpleasant fall-out to you on the job.

Otherwise if not comfortable, don't bother. You need to keep your job. It will not take your comment to change someone like her. It takes alot more to change people like her. Let it go and work, chat positively with other employees.

[sgtiger]

I'm not saying it's a good thing, but at least she is someone who is honest enough to say it so you know the reason for her acting standoffish now. I have had friends who denied being racist, but would make racist comments all the time. Such as a: "I'm not racist or anything, but you know how THOSE people are...." or "So and so is a <insert racially derogatory term>, but we know you and you're one of the hard-working ones so you're okay." We'd get into arguments when I would challenge them on it, and try to get them to see that they were making a decision based on their preconceived notions - often wrong ones at that. It's been a bitter pill to swallow when I realized that someone I was close to and trusted felt that way about others.

[indysteel]

How coincidental your TE pseudonymn for that plaintive Beatles' song that expresses your eureka moment now about your "friend", racism, etc.

There was a point in my life the song made me cry, because it IS a long winding road...hopefully uphill beyond racism.

What you found out about your friend, WindingRd., feel like abit of betrayal made more difficult because you see her nearly daily at work. Consider that now since it's been a few days since she revealed her tendencies, is to express calmly when there a time for just you and her, that you were disappointed by her response but you love your boyfriend. And thank her for her honesty, wish her well.

Then walk away. That's all. Perhaps to be done if you leave this employer or when she leaves employer before you? It would minimize any spiteful/unpleasant fall-out to you on the job.

Otherwise if not comfortable, don't bother. You need to keep your job. It will not take your comment to change someone like her. It takes alot more to change people like her. Let it go and work, chat positively with other employees.

But see that's the problem. If we only speak out when it costs us nothing, then we're rarely going to speak out. In keeping silent, we become complicit in the underlying fill-in-the-blank-ism. And if we only spoke out when when were assured of changing somebody's mind, I doubt we'd speak up much then, either. The act of saying "no" counts for something IMO, even if it changes nothing in reality.

I'm not suggesting that she rip this coworker a new one, but there is a way to politely, but firmly, communicate an intolerance for such things or, in the very least, to put a personal face to the issue. And most employers know better than to fire someone for speaking out against racism. They'll find themselves on the other end of the lawsuit if they're not careful. Plus, there's nothing in the OP's question that suggests this coworker is her boss or that she'd get in trouble if she complained to management. Heck, it's very possible that management would appreciate that kind of a head's up. I know I would if I owned a business.

[Pan Dulce]

It's sad that this sort of thing still exists in our day and age. Sorry that she's treating you this way. Honestly, you're probably better off if she's willing to drop you for such a thing.