disheartening dilemma

[tulip]

Why not just tell him that you would rather ride at your own pace without the pressure that he brings to the ride? You don't have to ride with him if you don't want to.

[KathiCville]

My two cents': Both of you need to 'ride your own ride'! Your guy pal ought to honor the fact that your approach to a long ride is simply different from his. If your upcoming ride is an organized century, there will be plenty of riders of all abilities to hang with as people sort themselves out over the course of the day.

My BF is MUCH stronger than I am, so when we do long rides together he either 1) rides at my pace and enjoys it as a relaxing spin, or 2) rides at my pace for a few miles and then takes off after giving me a 'have fun!' kiss. I'll be darned if I'm going to move faster than I feel comfortable, LOL!, particularly on a long organized ride where pacing myself is the key to going the distance! Life's too short to be miserable trying to meet someone else's off-the-mark expectations!

[Tri Girl]

I'd just tell him flat out: "I'm riding at a (fill in the blank) mph pace. If you want to ride with me, that's the speed I'm going. If you go too fast, you'll be riding alone. I don't plan on improving to your pace, I don't plan on pushing myself further than I can do, and I won't compromise my body to keep up with you. Period. End of story. This ride is for me and I'm doing it on MY terms."

If he doesn't get the hint he needs to be smacked upside the head.
Don't ride with him if it's going to stress you out. I have done 2 centuries all on my own and a 4 day tour. There were people around me all the time. Some I rode with for a few miles, some I rode with for many miles. You'll find someone at your pace, but most importantly you'll actually enjoy the day and not have to pay for it for days with pain.

My DH is much faster than me. We start out together and he goes on ahead. He usually turns around and comes back to find me and we ride together for a couple miles and then he's off again. Repeat multiple times. It means more mileage for him at his pace, and we're both OK with that. Any good riding partner should respect your own pace. The only way we'll EVER ride together for long distances is if we're on a tandem; and I like my marriage too much to try that divorce maker.

[TrekTheKaty]

I have to admit, I've been there. When DH used to ride off and leave me, I cried--more than once. I was afraid of getting lost, blowing a tire, or getting attacked by a stray dog (pit bull lived along our trail). Probably gave up biking back when we first started dating over 10 years ago because of it--took up running instead.

However, when we revisited cycling a couple years ago, I had a garmin from running. Now I don't feel lost--I know exactly where I'm at. We agree on a destination and he frequently stops at every other trailhead to let me catch up. On good days, he lets me lead out and then he sprints home (he's observed my speed improves when I lead). I now have a cell phone if I get a flat and an ipod to keep me company. I say hello to fellow cyclists and find my own place. Everyone is happy and he is proud of my progress.

We've recently begun playing cat & mouse--he hovers just ahead of me. I yell, "ON YOUR LEFT"--and he takes off like a bullet. I sprint to catch up--he let's me hang for awhile. I attempt to pass, he takes off. My speed is improving and he's entertained

[TrekTheKaty]

. The only way we'll EVER ride together for long distances is if we're on a tandem; and I like my marriage too much to try that divorce maker.

I've been wanting to try one. Husband says, "NO WAY." I thought it was because he would have to do all the work.

When I was a kid, I used to canoe with my brother. He always insisted I sit in the front, because he knew how to steer. Every time, it took me 1/2 the day to realize I was paddling while he was sitting in the back eating a sandwich!

[Miranda]

You guys are so awesome.

Reading these responses gave me a grinning moment of stress relief. Glad I'm not alone here on this type of situation also.

I rode with the GF I mentioned in the thread today. Good aerobic chatting pace. Discussed the dilemma as well. Her DH is about my guy buddy's twin. She had some of the same TE tips.

The weather is a bit if-y for tomorrow's training ride. When ever the ride pans out to do it, I'll take my words / tips from here and try again.

If the words don't work... I'll move onto "a water bottle up-side the head" suggestion.

Thx
Miranda