disheartening dilemma

[Miranda]

Here.

Thanks, Oakleaf. I didn't search quite back far enough in "advance search". I'll be going back to the link to read the tips.

[Loraura]

Any chance it's the Katy Flatlands century in July?

[Miranda]

OH... on the fasty peeps coming back, that is sorta funny. In an interesting way. That is my guy buddy to a degree.

At first it's all about the performance. That's a good goal. But, it's not everything. Thus, they come back. Or, like my guy pal, they cave when they are lonely and had enough. Soooo... that's my point... why can't you just hammer your brains out on the "alone ride" and scale it back for the "company ride"?

Makes sense to me. I do a bit of that with my new ride pal GF.

Seasons past she tried a group ride w/speedy guys. None waited. Totally left her. She got lost. Was just miserable experience.

Well, she wanted to re-try the group. Only if I agreed to meet up. We did. The leader was eggin me on to take the lead. I wanted to. Could have held it for a bit. But, my GF was struggling with the heat. I was not going to leave her. I was on a "company ride". Not a contest. Thus, I hung back. We rode our own thing. I know she was discouraged. We got to chat... I didn't care.

[Miranda]

Any chance it's the Katy Flatlands century in July?

Nope. But a nice idea.

The club I joined puts on a tour in August. That one is pushin it too on mileage. Following TE guideline articles. My last training ride was a hillier 34mi. My next step is 40mi.

I decided to volunteer at my club's tour. I will ride part of the mileage. They are always desperate for free workers. I thought it would be a good way to see how an organized ride set up works. Plus, meet some peeps.

Think I will keep asking around about my picked event. I asked at the one club ride. They knew of it. No takers att.

I chose a Fall event. Figured cooler would be better for me. I don't do well in the humidity. And make sure I didn't rush my mileage goals (like the TE article tip says).

My guy pal has ridden this event before. He suggested it to me as good 1st century. Some rollers, but not really hilly. "Realistic" was my criteria. He really liked the ride. Thus why he wants to do it again.

Maybe the "meet you in the parking lot" idea might be a good compromise. He did say part of doing it with ME was that "he would not have the motivation alone"... hmm. I'm the opposite. Once I set my mind to it, there is no stopping me. I might fail serveral times along the way... but, I keep trying until I get it.

[Biciclista]

If guy buddy won't slow down to your pace, don't ride with him on this important ride.
Last weekend i found a great compromise with my guy buddy. I rode the 55 mile loop and he rode the 80. He rode with me for 25 miles AT MY SPEED and then we kissed goodbye and did the rest of our rides at our own rates.
YOU MUST COMMUNICATE THIS with your bike buddy. HE can ride any speed he wants but if he wants to ride with you, he has to let YOU be in charge of the speed. Good luck.

[Miranda]

If guy buddy won't slow down to your pace, don't ride with him on this important ride.
Last weekend i found a great compromise with my guy buddy. I rode the 55 mile loop and he rode the 80. He rode with me for 25 miles AT MY SPEED and then we kissed goodbye and did the rest of our rides at our own rates.
YOU MUST COMMUNICATE THIS with your bike buddy. HE can ride any speed he wants but if he wants to ride with you, he has to let YOU be in charge of the speed. Good luck.

That's a good compromise. My recent training rides are a pace that's easy for him. And one he said he'd still be happy with riding that far at. Looking back on my heartrate in my Garmin stats, the heart rate is high. Meaning my body was working really hard to hold that pace. I don't see me holding that for the whole century. Maybe if I give him the math that will help get it through... meet you in the parking lot post ride. Thx.

[Miranda]

OK... I tried to give my buddy the Garmin math. Didn't work. The math is that at his planned pace, my HR is 89-90% of my max. At 75-80% of my HR, is my lesser pace. I told him I didn't want to ride in the sag wagon and we would part ways, and re-meet up at the parking lot.

Thought I was golden on that. But, NOOO...

Gheez, typical... he says, "oh, you have a lot of time to train and improve, etc.".

OK, this is true. But, we're missing the point here. Which is...

*MY* improvement plan is increasing my miles at a pace that is comfortable for my HR. Not the speed focus. Have we not been over this already?

I think here is the thing... he does not want to ride it alone himself. After my pep talk on TE I am not worried about doing that anymore.

How I am gonna convince Mr. Fasty pants to ride on? If all goes as planned, we will do a training ride this w/e.

Maybe I can work on delivering my point some more then...

[Biciclista]

wow, he's stubborn, isn't he. You might put it in terms that imply that he might be AFRAID to ride by himself? That might motivate him to prove you wrong.
Bring him over here, I'll thwack him on the head.

[kenyonchris]

wow, he's stubborn, isn't he. You might put it in terms that imply that he might be AFRAID to ride by himself? That might motivate him to prove you wrong.
Bring him over here, I'll thwack him on the head.

I second that. That would drive me CRAZY. Too much togetherness. I feel claustrophobic just listening. YOU might have to whack him over the head, go on strike, or something. Reasoning does not seem to be working, does it?

[Jiffer]

I understand the both the pressure of feeling like you have to keep up with someone and the guilt from holding them back. I prefer to avoid that kind of pressure/guilt. I have ridden by myself because of it.

However, having said that, I have done some rides with my "very strong" husband, who has at times made the decision to ride my pace with me and pull me. This is fairly rare as he loves to push his limits and be one of the first one's across the finish line. But when he makes this decision, I have no guilt. In your case, it sounds like your friend isn't quite as easy going, so I'd just avoid the situation. As many have said, you're likely to find others going your pace that you can hang with.

For general riding purposes, I do encourage you to try to find a new riding partner(s) that does go your pace. Through a cycling club or wherever you can. I have a riding buddy who makes getting out there a a lot more fun and I ride a lot more often because of her. She is stronger than me on the hills, so she either waits for me at the top or I pass her on the way down (depending on the hill). Yet she also inspires me to ride better because I try to stay with her on the hills whenever possible, and sometimes I can. We ride the flats about the same.

So my advice is:

1) Don't ride with your "friend" if it will stress you out.
2) See if you can find people at the event that are riding your pace.
3) Do try to find a "different" riding partner or partners that are closer to your level. If you can do this before your event, then great. If not, maybe you'll find a partner before the next one and simply to train with.

Good luck on your century! My advice on that ... focus on the rest stops. Don't think of it as riding 100 miles. Think of it as riding 23 to the next rest stop (or however many miles it is). Prepare as best you can and HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!

[tulip]

Why not just tell him that you would rather ride at your own pace without the pressure that he brings to the ride? You don't have to ride with him if you don't want to.

[KathiCville]

My two cents': Both of you need to 'ride your own ride'! Your guy pal ought to honor the fact that your approach to a long ride is simply different from his. If your upcoming ride is an organized century, there will be plenty of riders of all abilities to hang with as people sort themselves out over the course of the day.

My BF is MUCH stronger than I am, so when we do long rides together he either 1) rides at my pace and enjoys it as a relaxing spin, or 2) rides at my pace for a few miles and then takes off after giving me a 'have fun!' kiss. I'll be darned if I'm going to move faster than I feel comfortable, LOL!, particularly on a long organized ride where pacing myself is the key to going the distance! Life's too short to be miserable trying to meet someone else's off-the-mark expectations!

[Tri Girl]

I'd just tell him flat out: "I'm riding at a (fill in the blank) mph pace. If you want to ride with me, that's the speed I'm going. If you go too fast, you'll be riding alone. I don't plan on improving to your pace, I don't plan on pushing myself further than I can do, and I won't compromise my body to keep up with you. Period. End of story. This ride is for me and I'm doing it on MY terms."

If he doesn't get the hint he needs to be smacked upside the head.
Don't ride with him if it's going to stress you out. I have done 2 centuries all on my own and a 4 day tour. There were people around me all the time. Some I rode with for a few miles, some I rode with for many miles. You'll find someone at your pace, but most importantly you'll actually enjoy the day and not have to pay for it for days with pain.

My DH is much faster than me. We start out together and he goes on ahead. He usually turns around and comes back to find me and we ride together for a couple miles and then he's off again. Repeat multiple times. It means more mileage for him at his pace, and we're both OK with that. Any good riding partner should respect your own pace. The only way we'll EVER ride together for long distances is if we're on a tandem; and I like my marriage too much to try that divorce maker.

[TrekTheKaty]

I have to admit, I've been there. When DH used to ride off and leave me, I cried--more than once. I was afraid of getting lost, blowing a tire, or getting attacked by a stray dog (pit bull lived along our trail). Probably gave up biking back when we first started dating over 10 years ago because of it--took up running instead.

However, when we revisited cycling a couple years ago, I had a garmin from running. Now I don't feel lost--I know exactly where I'm at. We agree on a destination and he frequently stops at every other trailhead to let me catch up. On good days, he lets me lead out and then he sprints home (he's observed my speed improves when I lead). I now have a cell phone if I get a flat and an ipod to keep me company. I say hello to fellow cyclists and find my own place. Everyone is happy and he is proud of my progress.

We've recently begun playing cat & mouse--he hovers just ahead of me. I yell, "ON YOUR LEFT"--and he takes off like a bullet. I sprint to catch up--he let's me hang for awhile. I attempt to pass, he takes off. My speed is improving and he's entertained

[TrekTheKaty]

. The only way we'll EVER ride together for long distances is if we're on a tandem; and I like my marriage too much to try that divorce maker.

I've been wanting to try one. Husband says, "NO WAY." I thought it was because he would have to do all the work.

When I was a kid, I used to canoe with my brother. He always insisted I sit in the front, because he knew how to steer. Every time, it took me 1/2 the day to realize I was paddling while he was sitting in the back eating a sandwich!