disheartening dilemma

[Miranda]

*typing breathing a different sigh... or stress relief*

Thx so much thus far for the replies. You guys are awesome. Been several times I have been at my cycling witts end, and ya pulled me though. It means a lot.

Well... the century is for *ME*. An excellent point. One I should not forget.

And on revealing in my own accomplishment... I had this happen the other day w/wrenching something on my bike for the first time. Diff guy pal showed me how to switch up some pedals. Simple, I know. But, when I told him I wanted to do the next set myself... and did it... I was grinning like an idiot the whole car ride home that I finally took a wrench to my bike--*myself*.

At first when I started riding, I almost felt like I had something to prove to my speedy guy pal. I could be "whatever" enough. Hoping I could keep up to have a ride pal. And someone I admired on a certain level...

When that didn't happen, I was depressed a bit. But I think I have grown past that. Think that's why doing the century together is bothering me. When all along riding together is what I wanted...

It's *MY* day to check off one of my "bike dreams"... I don't want it ruined in a mission to fail p*ssing content. Gheez... how's that for blunt? The "tactful" suggestions here help that approach.

A "trial training ride"... awesome idea... great minds think alike...
After the last email that he'd do the century with me etc. I suggested we try a training ride first together. Though after that, being totally honest with myself... I'm not sure I really wanna even do that.

Maybe here's the thing... I need encouraging. Not pushing. I'm already hard on myself. I've been told "way too much so". I don't think there is anyone that can drive me further, or harder, than my own heart's desire. Anyone saying that is a falsehood... is somewhat insulting.

Sorry... that last part is pretty arm chair psych/Freudian deep...