disheartening dilemma

[Miranda]

Deep down in my gutt, I think already know the answer to this situation. But, I don't want to listen. I want it to be wrong. Guess I just need some chatting support from my cycling TE family to sort it out.

OK...

After finally figuring out the root of my pain issues, I got myself a new bike that fits. Yeah! With that, I'm working towards training for my first century. Article on TE here, very helful.

Unfortunately I don't have a riding partner for it. I'm doing the event I have picked out regardless. Just company would be nice.

My new ride pal is not able to do the event for various reasons. One of which I don't think we could ever ride at the same ability with some her health limitations. I have some of my own. I totally understand. It's a great thing about our relationship.

Well... I have one guy pal that spoke up to do the century with me. Our riding relationship is about like my GF and her DH. They can not cycle together.

The GF's DH is above her ability. He is so "die-hard" he can't do an easier pace. This is my guy pal too. We tried it before mtb. Omg, what a disaster. I was in so much physical pain disobeying my docs orders. Plus on the disheartening aspect, I just cried the whole car ride home. I know he was angry and frustrated I couldn't ride like his guy buddy. I know "never" is a long time... but I don't think I want a repeat.

My guy pal has lost his riding partner equal. I've told him, *I* will never be "it". Can ya lighten up and just ride? He admits that riding alone just sux and kills the will. I agree.

But, the thought of re-living my mtb experience with him on my first century is literally giving me a sickening pit in my stomach. Though he says that is not about speed... I just *know* (in my gutt) he will ultimately be unhappy how I ride it.

He's been a huge support to me on info since I re-found a bike. Actually, he was one of the main inspirations I started cycling. I think he feels like I'm his "pupil" in a way. But... I'm the student that's a disappointment to his expections.

I'm happy with how I am doing. Actually, I'm pretty proud of myself. I know my limitations. I'm good with it. Unlike some peeps I know OCD stress of NEVER good enough. That's my GF's DH. And a lot of guy roadies I'm met so far as potential partners.

The thought of riding alone is sorta sad. It would be nice to share my personal victory with someone when I cross my 100th mile. It should be him technically. Based upon our history. But, the mere thought is just stressing me out! And weighing sadly on my heart...

*huge sigh*

[tulip]

Are you considering doing the century for him or for you? There, that wasn't so hard to figure out, was it?

I bet there's a riding club in your area with riders of your speed and temperament. You figure out whom you are riding for, and then go from there.

Best of luck. A century is a hard and worthy goal (I still have not done one). You deserve to do it on your terms.

[Mr. Bloom]

I would tell him that it would be great to ride with him...but you can't do that pace. He should feel to go ahead and ya'll can ride home together...

You'll make friends along the way...and ride with a new group.

Last year for RaIN, Silver (the superior rider) told me she didn't want to push herself...but I did. I went on, found a spontaneous pace line of five guys (who's names I still remember) and we stuck together for 90 of the 160 miles. I had a blast...and Silver did as well with folks she met along the way.

Don't stress over this...but also don't try to "keep up with the Jones' " if it hurts

[OakLeaf]

riding alone just sux and kills the will.

Look up my thread a few weeks back about riding alone. I got some great suggestions.

Plus. If this is an organized century, you won't be riding alone if you don't want to. Even if there are only a couple of hundred riders, one of them will be riding your pace. One of you will catch up to the other at a stop sign early in the ride, and then it's up to you whether you want to do the whole rest of the ride together - or at least give it a try until the first food stop.

[Zen]

It would be nice to share my personal victory with someone when I cross my 100th mile.

That's kind of contradicting yourself.
You don't need no stinkin' external affirmation, woman!
Revel in your personal achievement!

I could understand the need for a training partner, tho.

[TrekTheKaty]

Riding with someone like that increases your risk of not finishing the century. Would you rather finish on your own terms or take the Sag Wagon? I told my DH the pace I planned and he told me his--we split up and both felt fulfilled at the end. I fell in with several different groups along my century. You won't be out there alone. My first century was scary but worth every minute.

Meet him at the start and have a beer together after--you will still have stories to share.

[Cataboo]

You could try one like 20 mile training ride with him and see if he can deal with doing your pace - if he can't, he can't. I can easily get killed mountain biking with other people, but that's mostly because I don't do it much and I don't really have strategies for hills, etc... but I do a bit better riding on road.

But I think you'd be fine doing a century on your own.

[tctrek]

Everyone has to ride their own ride. I spent the past year chasing DH up hills and running trying to catch his draft... and it DID NOT make me a better rider. It made me sore and frustrated and always angry at him.

This season, I told him I am riding my ride and he can ride his. We start out together and if he takes off and drops me, so be it. Funny, he keeps coming back to where I am an joining me ... he doesn't like to ride alone either.

Just food for thought.

[TrekTheKaty]

Funny, he keeps coming back to where I am an joining me ... he doesn't like to ride alone either.

Just food for thought.

YEP, us too--he actually does circles around me for fun (literally)

[Miranda]

Look up my thread a few weeks back about riding alone. I got some great suggestions.

Plus. If this is an organized century, you won't be riding alone if you don't want to. Even if there are only a couple of hundred riders, one of them will be riding your pace. One of you will catch up to the other at a stop sign early in the ride, and then it's up to you whether you want to do the whole rest of the ride together - or at least give it a try until the first food stop.

Oakleaf, I was trying to search for the thread. Where is it?

Yes... I was thinking before the guy pal said he wanted to ride the event, surely I might find some souls to pass the pedaling miles with. Thx.

[ttaylor508]

You might want to mention the century you are planning on doing (if it is an organized century). You never know, you might find a riding partner right here!

[OakLeaf]

Here.

[spindizzy]

Good advice from everyone here. The metric centuries that I've done: first one I found a woman who was riding my pace - we finished together, second one - rode with various people throughout ride and finished by myself, 3rd one - found a group of guys that I could keep up with and finished with them. It's about the journey and the ride YOU want to do. Start off together and go your seperate ways if necessary.

[kenyonchris]

My SO is SUPERMAN. Literally. He has done the police olympics both on the road and mtb, ridden on the USPS masters cycling team, is a police biking instructor, and on his worst day is tons faster than I am on my best day, and I am a pretty aggressive rider. However, he doesn't THINK he is superman. He thinks everyone should be able to keep up with him. He nearly killed a bunch of bike cops taking one of his bike courses....he played follow the leader with them and took them through the sand volleyball pits a few times. Few of them made it out.
Although he is NEVER critical of me, and protests otherwise, I know he would rather than ride with a group of faster men than with me. I can't pull for him, so he may as well be on his own, and when he pulls for me he has to go slower than what he finds comfortable (uh, that would be faster than 22 mph and maintaining 22 mph for 75 miles is not a possibility for me).
So we go together, gear up together, start off together, then I ride my ride, and he rides his. If it is a ride where we don't want to just hang around all day, I will ride a 100k and he will do the 100 miles....I generally get in about 45 minutes before he does on that....or he brings a book and waits for me to finish the 100 miles.
I find a zen spot riding on my own. I have made new friends, and I listen to my ipod (one earbud) and clock along at my own pace, hammer when I want, coast when i want, and all is well. I would probably increase my time if I had someone to share the work with, but oh well.
Give him a kiss and tell him to leave you and you will see him at the end.
And, on the MTB, I tell him NOT TO WORRY ABOUT ME. He can power through a lot of stuff that I pick my way through. I usually find him up the trail, clipped in, hand on tree, having a breather and waiting on me. It works for us.

[Miranda]

*typing breathing a different sigh... or stress relief*

Thx so much thus far for the replies. You guys are awesome. Been several times I have been at my cycling witts end, and ya pulled me though. It means a lot.

Well... the century is for *ME*. An excellent point. One I should not forget.

And on revealing in my own accomplishment... I had this happen the other day w/wrenching something on my bike for the first time. Diff guy pal showed me how to switch up some pedals. Simple, I know. But, when I told him I wanted to do the next set myself... and did it... I was grinning like an idiot the whole car ride home that I finally took a wrench to my bike--*myself*.

At first when I started riding, I almost felt like I had something to prove to my speedy guy pal. I could be "whatever" enough. Hoping I could keep up to have a ride pal. And someone I admired on a certain level...

When that didn't happen, I was depressed a bit. But I think I have grown past that. Think that's why doing the century together is bothering me. When all along riding together is what I wanted...

It's *MY* day to check off one of my "bike dreams"... I don't want it ruined in a mission to fail p*ssing content. Gheez... how's that for blunt? The "tactful" suggestions here help that approach.

A "trial training ride"... awesome idea... great minds think alike...
After the last email that he'd do the century with me etc. I suggested we try a training ride first together. Though after that, being totally honest with myself... I'm not sure I really wanna even do that.

Maybe here's the thing... I need encouraging. Not pushing. I'm already hard on myself. I've been told "way too much so". I don't think there is anyone that can drive me further, or harder, than my own heart's desire. Anyone saying that is a falsehood... is somewhat insulting.

Sorry... that last part is pretty arm chair psych/Freudian deep...