disheartening dilemma

[Miranda]

Here.

Thanks, Oakleaf. I didn't search quite back far enough in "advance search". I'll be going back to the link to read the tips.

[Jiffer]

I understand the both the pressure of feeling like you have to keep up with someone and the guilt from holding them back. I prefer to avoid that kind of pressure/guilt. I have ridden by myself because of it.

However, having said that, I have done some rides with my "very strong" husband, who has at times made the decision to ride my pace with me and pull me. This is fairly rare as he loves to push his limits and be one of the first one's across the finish line. But when he makes this decision, I have no guilt. In your case, it sounds like your friend isn't quite as easy going, so I'd just avoid the situation. As many have said, you're likely to find others going your pace that you can hang with.

For general riding purposes, I do encourage you to try to find a new riding partner(s) that does go your pace. Through a cycling club or wherever you can. I have a riding buddy who makes getting out there a a lot more fun and I ride a lot more often because of her. She is stronger than me on the hills, so she either waits for me at the top or I pass her on the way down (depending on the hill). Yet she also inspires me to ride better because I try to stay with her on the hills whenever possible, and sometimes I can. We ride the flats about the same.

So my advice is:

1) Don't ride with your "friend" if it will stress you out.
2) See if you can find people at the event that are riding your pace.
3) Do try to find a "different" riding partner or partners that are closer to your level. If you can do this before your event, then great. If not, maybe you'll find a partner before the next one and simply to train with.

Good luck on your century! My advice on that ... focus on the rest stops. Don't think of it as riding 100 miles. Think of it as riding 23 to the next rest stop (or however many miles it is). Prepare as best you can and HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!

[tulip]

Why not just tell him that you would rather ride at your own pace without the pressure that he brings to the ride? You don't have to ride with him if you don't want to.

[KathiCville]

My two cents': Both of you need to 'ride your own ride'! Your guy pal ought to honor the fact that your approach to a long ride is simply different from his. If your upcoming ride is an organized century, there will be plenty of riders of all abilities to hang with as people sort themselves out over the course of the day.

My BF is MUCH stronger than I am, so when we do long rides together he either 1) rides at my pace and enjoys it as a relaxing spin, or 2) rides at my pace for a few miles and then takes off after giving me a 'have fun!' kiss. I'll be darned if I'm going to move faster than I feel comfortable, LOL!, particularly on a long organized ride where pacing myself is the key to going the distance! Life's too short to be miserable trying to meet someone else's off-the-mark expectations!

[Tri Girl]

I'd just tell him flat out: "I'm riding at a (fill in the blank) mph pace. If you want to ride with me, that's the speed I'm going. If you go too fast, you'll be riding alone. I don't plan on improving to your pace, I don't plan on pushing myself further than I can do, and I won't compromise my body to keep up with you. Period. End of story. This ride is for me and I'm doing it on MY terms."

If he doesn't get the hint he needs to be smacked upside the head.
Don't ride with him if it's going to stress you out. I have done 2 centuries all on my own and a 4 day tour. There were people around me all the time. Some I rode with for a few miles, some I rode with for many miles. You'll find someone at your pace, but most importantly you'll actually enjoy the day and not have to pay for it for days with pain.

My DH is much faster than me. We start out together and he goes on ahead. He usually turns around and comes back to find me and we ride together for a couple miles and then he's off again. Repeat multiple times. It means more mileage for him at his pace, and we're both OK with that. Any good riding partner should respect your own pace. The only way we'll EVER ride together for long distances is if we're on a tandem; and I like my marriage too much to try that divorce maker.

[TrekTheKaty]

I have to admit, I've been there. When DH used to ride off and leave me, I cried--more than once. I was afraid of getting lost, blowing a tire, or getting attacked by a stray dog (pit bull lived along our trail). Probably gave up biking back when we first started dating over 10 years ago because of it--took up running instead.

However, when we revisited cycling a couple years ago, I had a garmin from running. Now I don't feel lost--I know exactly where I'm at. We agree on a destination and he frequently stops at every other trailhead to let me catch up. On good days, he lets me lead out and then he sprints home (he's observed my speed improves when I lead). I now have a cell phone if I get a flat and an ipod to keep me company. I say hello to fellow cyclists and find my own place. Everyone is happy and he is proud of my progress.

We've recently begun playing cat & mouse--he hovers just ahead of me. I yell, "ON YOUR LEFT"--and he takes off like a bullet. I sprint to catch up--he let's me hang for awhile. I attempt to pass, he takes off. My speed is improving and he's entertained

[TrekTheKaty]

. The only way we'll EVER ride together for long distances is if we're on a tandem; and I like my marriage too much to try that divorce maker.

I've been wanting to try one. Husband says, "NO WAY." I thought it was because he would have to do all the work.

When I was a kid, I used to canoe with my brother. He always insisted I sit in the front, because he knew how to steer. Every time, it took me 1/2 the day to realize I was paddling while he was sitting in the back eating a sandwich!

[Miranda]

Good luck on your century! My advice on that ... focus on the rest stops. Don't think of it as riding 100 miles. Think of it as riding 23 to the next rest stop (or however many miles it is). Prepare as best you can and HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!

I love TE products and this forum so much. Times when I've been at my wits end with no other cycle advice pals, TE has helped me pull through. With that, I would say all my advice here is the best.

BUT this has got to be one of the best pieces of advice that just clicked something in my head (it clicks slow, btw) from when I first started riding....

A beautiful flower garden at my favorite farm house...

The "big distance route" then was just under 20mi. The flowers were exactly at the half way point of the loop. When I thought I could go no further, I just kept thinking... I *have to* make it to see the flowers at least...

I would. Rest. Then somehow have enough in me after that to ride back home happy I "made it the flowers".

"One rest stop at a time"... that is going to be one of my driving phrases in my head as I pedal out my 100 miles.

Thx.