I agree that all road riding is not about riding as a group (although I LOVE it - not everyone has to love it and do it).

Remember that you don't have to "convince him" to let you ride! This is your body, your decision, and your bike too! (Don't let him turn it into a commuter! what IS that??? but do get a commuter bike if you don't have one! )

Maybe I would make it clear with him that this is about you and your fears (riding with a group of strangers), not him and his fears (your never liking to ride on the road again). I too would be worried if my significant other would hyperventilate when drafting another rider, I guess this crash and its sequels have made a strong impression on him and he's probably afraid that you're going to hurt yourself... But I hope that you stick with your own plan: if you want to go back there, you must be able to decide to go back, and I think he'd have to learn to support you in that decision, or at least to voice his concerns in a delicate manner that doesn't make it look like he's trying to decide for you...

The "lame excuses" part of your message saddens me... but maybe you could learn to go and ride by yourself, cause the drivers won't be more or less dangereous whether your are one or two riding together... What do you think? Or at least find a female riding friend? Anyone from TE living in the same region as you?

Take it easy but stay out there on the road! Good luck!