parenting dilemma

[Duck on Wheels]

... loves boys and reptiles.

Which are sometimes one and the same

[Duck on Wheels]

btw, I do agree with KathyBiker up to a point. If a child is so unhappy that they strongly wish to be someone else, then I would want to find the root of that unhappiness and help the child work through it if possible. But wishing to be the opposite gender, or a dog, or a horse, or a foundling child whose real parents are royalty ... that's all pretty normal in the single-digit years. It's the teens I worry about when they're unhappy with themselves. At that age, every problem seems insurmountable, so they need all the help they can get until they've gone through enough problems to have a more balanced perspective.

[teigyr]

Iris616, I totally think you're doing the right thing

I remember wanting to be a boy in THE worst way. It didn't mean I truly wanted to be a boy, I just wanted to do Little League and fun getting dirty boy stuff. I liked boys, popular girls made me nervous, and I didn't quite fit in with the cool kids. Even after elementary school, I lived for high tops and 501's. I just didn't have quite the style that the girly-girls had.

As others have done, I also went through the "wanting to be an animal" stage, I wore cowboy stuff, and then transitioned gracefully into the purple-haired punk stage in H.S. None of it was ever to do with my gender identity or my sexuality.

I'm married and still alternate between wearing my husband's clothes and girly clothes. I love makeup and salons but one of the cool things about being a grown-up is I can choose how I want to be for the day. When I was in elementary school, MY mother said I could only wear pants one day a week. I remember feeling really awkward the rest of the days....ugh.

I think it's great your daughter has the creativity that she has and that you are allowing her to express it. Sometimes clothing is just clothing.

[GLC1968]

When I was that age, I refused to wear dresses. I don't remember shopping in the boys department, but I do remember getting annoyed that all the clothing in my size (6x) was too 'girly' and my friend who wore a girls 14 got to wear the 'cool' clothing (likely lesiure suit type pants...it was the 70's).

Two years later, I would only wear dresses and wanted to be a princess after having seen the disney movie 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs'.

Two years after that, I was the only girl on a boys soccer team (there were no girls teams then) and I wanted to be a boy so that it would be easier to pee at half-time.

By the time I got to college, I realized there were advantages to being a girl who could play with the boys.

All in all, I think I turned out reasonably 'normal'.


Anyway, I'm happy that you decided to let her wear the pants suit!

[Tuckervill]

I remember wanting to be a boy in THE worst way. It didn't mean I truly wanted to be a boy, I just wanted to do Little League and fun getting dirty boy stuff. I liked boys, popular girls made me nervous, and I didn't quite fit in with the cool kids. Even after elementary school, I lived for high tops and 501's. I just didn't have quite the style that the girly-girls had.

Wow, I could have written that, word for word.

Why wouldn't I want to be a boy? I had two older brothers whom I adored, and they got to do EVERYTHING! They got go EVERYWHERE! They even got to pee standing up!

It's a good thing I so identified with boys, because I ended up having 3 of my own. I understand them in a way I wouldn't have understood girls so much.

Karen

[ClockworkOrange]

She is going to wear what she wants...the pants suit with a vest and tie. I will smile and be proud of her.

What a fascinating thread.

I was a tomboy and even these days, am happier in jeans and a T-shirt, of course I enjoy getting glammed up now and again but for comfort, the tomboy look suits me fine.

For what it is worth, I feel you have made the right decison for your little girl, good luck on Friday for both of you.

Clock

[AnnieBikes]

...and I had FOUR brothers who got to do all kinds of cool stuff...I identify with wanting to be a boy at a young age....but not to change the subject..

My beef is with the kindergarten graduation... Yes, it is a right of passage like any graduation, but around here there are TOO many graduations. Kindergarten, 6th grade, 8th grade, 12th grade.

To me, wearing "Sunday Best" should not be part of it. Dressing up like picture day would be much more like it. The girls at my sons' 8th grade graduations looked like they were going to proms. I would like to see all these grade school graduations played down WAY more than they are. Make the day special but don't have them go out and buy new clothes for the event. Many children cannot even afford SB clothes and then they are singled out.

You daughter should be allowed to wear whatever makes her happy, suit or dress. If you support her, then she will be happy. What other children/parents say is irrelevant unless you make an issue over it. She sounds like a great little gal to me. More kids should be so independent at that age!! Congrats on raising a good one!!

[andtckrtoo]

And honestly, she wanted to genuinely BE a dog at one point. I would have felt lucky if she had wanted to be a boy! No worries, she is a fairly well adjusted 15 year old now, who loves boys and reptiles.

Hey - I think we had the same daughter! Mine wanted to be a dog, too. Although she's not as into reptiles - mine is into hyenas of all things. And when she was younger before I met DH and she got a brother and a sister, she wanted a brother, so she had an imaginary one named Michael. Michael moved out when she realized having a brother is not all it's cracked up to be. But they (she and the real one) are close now.

Iris - love your attitude. Smart move in checking with the TA. I think your sweet girl will grown up just fine (and much too quickly).

[Tuckervill]

What other children/parents say is irrelevant unless you make an issue over it.

It's irrelevant in theory, but if someone says something that really wounds her, it will take on much relevance to her sense of self.

Karen

[Iris616]

It's irrelevant in theory, but if someone says something that really wounds her, it will take on much relevance to her sense of self.

Karen

And that's what I've been worried about....in 20 words or less.
But, I know that someday/somewhere, someone will say something cruel to her. If it's not about her clothes, it'll be about something else. Because, that's life. So, we'll just be there for her when it does happen. Hopefully, it won't be tomorrow.

[crazycanuck]

Iris..I just want to say you must be one cool mom

[Tuckervill]

Well, ya, Iris...and the dilemma is when to step in to prevent the cruelty and when to let them take the risk. Sometimes it's obvious, and sometimes it's more subtle.

I walked around a while with a half inch long black hair growing out of my chin, until my son pointed it out. I was astounded that my husband had not said anything, even though he admitted he'd noticed it. I think it this is one of those situations that if you LOVE me, you will PROTECT me from this embarrassment! At least he should have asked if I knew about it--like spinach in my teeth, you know?

That's where everyone has to decide how to act and react, with someone you love.

Karen

[Loraura]

You could always have a chat with your daughter, and tell her that "Some people might find it odd that you chose this suit. Are you OK with that?"

If she is, let her wear it! If not, help her pick out something else.

At least this way if she is teased, she will be prepared, and it won't hit her by surprize.

[Duck on Wheels]

How'd it go? Was your DD the cutest kid in the class? Did she have fun?

[Iris616]

How'd it go? Was your DD the cutest kid in the class? Did she have fun?

It was a great day! Thanks for asking. There are a couple pictures of her posted on my blog (link below), for any one who wants to see how great she looked.

Funny ending-we went to lunch afterwards. She happened to choose a restaurant where all the waitstaff wear ties- so she was surrounded by women in ties