parenting dilemma

[shootingstar]

Do little boys still wear full suits these days to Sunday School??? I don't recall this at all for even church that was across the street from the house where I grew up as a teenager.

It's summer time (why would a jacket be necessary), so the boy's dress pants and a nice shirt with a fun patterned tie would be nice. The girl is very young.. I'm certain there will be girls in frivolous, nearly party-like dresses too.

I have to disagree with kathyville...the concern about her gender identity is not necessary at this stage. Too early. It's us adults imposing our lens on the situation.

[andtckrtoo]

I wouldn't worry about her at this age, either. My daughter is 16 and is still more of a tom boy, but I took her out to lunch today and she wore a cute little mini skirt. I'd have had to drag her kicking and screaming to get her in a dress or skirt at 6. She used to tell me that she wanted to be a boy when she was smaller. Now, she's happy to be a girl and has boyfriends, etc (and I know she likes boys right now as I'm rather open and she knows I would not be disappointed in her if she preferred girls).

What all of that long winded nonsense is saying - let her wear her suit. If anyone asks, smile and say, "Oh, it's the latest fashion." And let it go at that. I'll bet she looks adorable. When she starts to notice boys as boys and not playmates, she just may want to wear a dress now and again. If not, that's okay too.

[Duck on Wheels]

I too disagree about the gender identity question. If girls wish they were boys, it's often for "good" reasons such as "the boys get to have all the fun". And then there are the truly trans-gendered. Those (few) I know claim they were trans-gendered from birth or even before, nothing to do with not feeling loved or not identifying with this or that parent. Sounds like your daughter is a happy, confident child who knows she's loved and who enjoys your company. That's a good, healthy basis whatever gender identity she discovers or develops as she grows up.

[crazycanuck]

K..I wanted to be a boy back in jr high as I hated home ec etc UGH. It wasn't fair, i wanted to do the IR class in gr 7 & 8 not just 1/2 of gr 9.

I'd let a kid wear what they wanted. They're kids..Parents are the ones who have the horrible misconceptions in thier heads & need to stick thier heads in the sand.

GAGH

[Deborajen]

When my son was kindergarten-age (he's 21 now), he was very proud to try to pick out clothes for a special occasion. I think it was more because he just did something a "big boy" would do - he did more than just pick out what pants and shirt/shorts he'd wear for play or school - it was for something special.

Has your daughter tried on any dresses? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with pants - girls wear them, both little girls and us bigger (and much older!) girls. I just wonder if maybe she was doing what she thought was expected of her, because she usually wears boys clothes?

I wouldn't be too worried - it's kindergarten graduation. It's special, but it's not as big of a deal as high school graduation. I think my son had a kindergarten graduation - ? He was in ECSE at that age, so it was all a little different anyway. But I'm like you, Iris, I would have been expecting a girl like your daughter to choose khakis and a nice shirt. If anything concerned me, it would be more that she'd overdressed a bit, but I doubt that's the case.

When my son was that age, we always gave him a little extra guidance when it came to how to dress for special occasions. There's nothing wrong with that. They don't know what to expect or what's socially acceptable. Sometimes wearing certain types of clothes in certain situations is about showing respect, and that's an important lesson for a child, too.

But again, I think she'll be fine.

Deb

[kathybiker]

I have to disagree with kathyville...the concern about her gender identity is not necessary at this stage. Too early. It's us adults imposing our lens on the situation.

There is no kathyville here, but I assume you're referring to me.

I stand by the ideas in my post. I believe they would be helpful for both a mother and daughter in that situation.