Breastfeeding Problems

**ilima** · 06-08-2009, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by tulip

+100!! My former SIL insisted on breast feeding, even though it wasn't working--for months. It wasn't until the baby was rushed to the emergency room with liver failure that she understood that getting nourishment was the most important thing, and that baby was starving. Once on formula, the baby thrived.

Breast feeding is great if it works, and I agree that it should be the first choice, but formula shouldn't be knocked. Sometimes it's the only thing that works, and there is no shame in that. And sometimes there is no choice. My brother was adopted, and so formula was the only way to go.

I was allergic to my mom's breastmilk. I never got as sick as liver failure -just kept losing weight long after I should have started gaining - but it did take some time to figure out.

This breast-only and you're-a-horrible-unfit-mother-if-you-don't mentality seem to be symptomatic of highly educated women. I've seen it and attachment parenting take hold of some of my friends and find it terrifying.

**Irulan** · 06-08-2009, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by ilima

This breast-only and you're-a-horrible-unfit-mother-if-you-don't mentality seem to be symptomatic of highly educated women. I've seen it and attachment parenting take hold of some of my friends and find it terrifying.

You get my agreement there, for sure ( don't get me going on attachment parenting....) However, I do think there is a real range between just giving up, giving it a reasonable try, and the at all costs approach.

**Tuckervill** · 06-08-2009, 07:53 PM

The scientific evidence for the benefits of breastfeeding is tenuous, at best.

Yeah, only thousands of years of human development.

Karen

**Biciclista** · 06-08-2009, 08:22 PM

no, millions of years! lol

**shootingstar** · 06-08-2009, 08:36 PM

And I have a mother who half-jokingly wonders if her lst 3 kids haven't still need glasses for reading/distance in their late 40's because she breast-fed us the longest compared to her latter 3 kids. She breast-fed lst 3, each probably no more than 2-3 months. Mother guilt/humour can be abit strange.

At child 6, she would have nearly shrieked in frustration, if anyone suggested she try breastfeeding any more than 1-2 months. She was too exhausted on many different fronts.

So parents happily dealt with cans and cans of baby soy milk. (Baby sister was lactose-intolerant.)

She made up..for this ....for many many years by preparing healthy meals for us. That is another real parental "test" of dedication beyond breastfeeding, isn't it?

**Biciclista** · 06-08-2009, 08:45 PM

There are many parental tests of dedication including cubscouts.

**ilima** · 06-08-2009, 08:57 PM

Originally Posted by Tuckervill

Yeah, only thousands of years of human development.

Karen

Uh, yeah, and I wonder how many children born failed to reach their first birthday, on average, over the course of human existence. I'm wager quite a lot.

Evolution is very, very messy. The fact that humans exist is not indicative that maternal milk is significantly better for early childhood development than formula.

That's like saying we evolved ears to hold our glasses a la Dr. Pangloss.

**Crankin** · 06-09-2009, 03:33 AM

I know that not all breast feeding moms are "Nazis" about it, but it does seem to be the prevalent attitude. I know quite a bit about attachment theory in the psychological literature, and the "attachment parenting" thing is somewhat of a perverted version of what attachment theory really is. I doubt Bowlby and Ainsworth meant that parents had to sleep with their kids until they were 3 or 4 years old. My cousin's wife did this and it just caused a huge wedge in the family.
I know that breast milk is nutritionally superior; it still didn't make me want to nurse. Soy formula worked well and they both switched to regular milk at one year, when they started using a cup.
Oh yes, and my kids were on "schedules," too.
It's all a choice and it's good that everyone can give Limewave advice. But, even after almost 27 years, I can still feel the superiority vibes that were thrown my way.

**BleeckerSt_Girl** · 06-09-2009, 07:06 AM

Well 30 years ago I got to feel all the negative vibes thrown MY way simply because I wanted to breastfeed and countless people tried to make me feel guilty and selfish about it. It was AWFUL- many people tried to make me feel like a BAD MOTHER because I wouldn't feed formula bottles.

Sheesh, people. There are clueless thoughtless types everywhere, on both sides of the issue. Let's not throw around gross generalizations about entire groups of people.

Remember Eleanor Roosevelt's advice:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

**Crankin** · 06-09-2009, 07:42 AM

I agree, Lisa. Especially, since this debate has absolutely no relevance in my life now

. But, I did want to give my opinion and I waited until someone else voiced the "opposite" view, since I was too chicken to say how I felt.

**limewave** · 06-09-2009, 08:35 AM

I do have to admit, I feel a lot of pressure from other women to breastfeed--and to breastfeed only. I don't understand why, if you choose to use formula, that you are made to feel like a porriah?

My sister-in-law has commented several times about my dd's frequent ear infections and how she's positive it's because she was formula-fed. I have yet to point out the fact that both of her children have severe allergies . . . its not like they are super-healthy. And once I took DD off of dairy, her ears cleared right up.

ANYWAYS, moving on, I have decided to do both bf and formula feeding. DH works a ton, it's not unusual for the kiddos to only see him on Sunday's. Most evenings and Saturdays it's just me and the kids. I felt like I was spending all of my time nursing and not having any time for DD.

I nurse when DD is away at preschool and one of the late night feedings. DD can help give DS a bottle around dinner time when she gets home. And DH can also participate with one of the night or morning feedings.

I feel like this has been the best for our family. Taking care of baby is more of a family endeavor where everyone can participate yet DS still gets the benefit and intimacy of BF.

**Irulan** · 06-09-2009, 08:47 AM

I do have to admit, I feel a lot of pressure from other women to breastfeed--and to breastfeed only. I don't understand why, if you choose to use formula, that you are made to feel like a porriah?

You'll find this is the case as you move through parenthood, whether it's breastfeeding; whether you work or not, Let your kids watch TV, have cell phones..... The most important thing is for you and your hubby to be a team on these issues, and to be strong in your choices. If your friends in your mommie groups hassle you, just be strong. Maybe you can't tell them to get lost, but you sure can look people in the eye and say, "this is what's working for us, and I don't need to hear your opinion any more". Or something like that...

**txred9876** · 06-09-2009, 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by limewave

I do have to admit, I feel a lot of pressure from other women to breastfeed--and to breastfeed only. I don't understand why, if you choose to use formula, that you are made to feel like a porriah?

My sister-in-law has commented several times about my dd's frequent ear infections and how she's positive it's because she was formula-fed. I have yet to point out the fact that both of her children have severe allergies . . . its not like they are super-healthy. And once I took DD off of dairy, her ears cleared right up.

ANYWAYS, moving on, I have decided to do both bf and formula feeding. DH works a ton, it's not unusual for the kiddos to only see him on Sunday's. Most evenings and Saturdays it's just me and the kids. I felt like I was spending all of my time nursing and not having any time for DD.

I nurse when DD is away at preschool and one of the late night feedings. DD can help give DS a bottle around dinner time when she gets home. And DH can also participate with one of the night or morning feedings.

I feel like this has been the best for our family. Taking care of baby is more of a family endeavor where everyone can participate yet DS still gets the benefit and intimacy of BF.

The best thing is what is BEST for your family! I did initally have some trouble with my first and due to severe constipation (which is strange for breastfed babies). Once on the bottle she didn't want the breast anymore. I am glad you are able to go back and forth. No matter what happens ..... just relax because that can interfere with your milk production.

tina

**Crankin** · 06-09-2009, 11:53 AM

Oh yeah, it continues...
Like in, "Oh, did you know that _____ is married, has a law degree, and is now a judge in New York? And what's up with Josh and Scott?"

Said to me last summer as I was getting a pedicure, trying to relax and not be seen by the person who said this.

**malkin** · 06-12-2009, 01:08 PM

As mothers (especially of young children), we all receive much advice and we need to sift through it to find what will work.

This notion crystalized for me on a 110 degree day, where I had taken refuge on the patio of an unmemorable restaurant, to escape from a traffic jam. My 2-month-old was a sweaty screaming mess, and I'm not so sure I was doing much better, myself.

A homeless person, walking by, shot me the dirtiest look I've ever seen as she growled: THAT BABY NEEDS HER SOCKS!!

The moral of this story is: Trust your instincts, mom. Reject outrageous advice outright. Ponder the rest.

Enjoy your baby.
Soon, everything will be different.

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