The people I ride with don't generally wait for me on hills until they get up to the top. Then as soon as they see me cresting they generally go ahead.
You need to talk to the people you ride with and let them know what is ok. If they can't be bothering to wait for you after you ASKED them to, then maybe they're the wrong team. Going uphill is pretty individual, or maybe your hills aren't as steep as ours (folks don't generally draft up hills)

And maybe you need to find a group with a different pace?

I'm sorry this is so hard for you. I'm generally in the back too, I know how it feels. And i'm not the only woman.