Feminists? Any here?

[Irulan]

I'm so frustrated by the number of posters in this thread who view feminists as somehow looking down on stay-at-home moms.

Of course there are many people who do look down on stay-at-home moms - just as there are many who look down on any other work traditionally done by women - nurse, secretary, elementary school teacher, fiber artist, etc. It's unsurprising that some early feminists still harbored some of the prejudices that had been drilled into everyone since their birth. "Consciousness raising" is a process that didn't and doesn't happen overnight.

But devaluation of housework wasn't invented by feminists, and it certainly has not been feminists who've perpetuated it. For the past 30 years, it's been largely those who describe themselves as "conservative" who revile women (exclusively women) who "have children they can't support." Where is the equivalent vituperation of high-earning males who "have children they can't raise?" Where is the government mandate and popular demand for them to spend more time at home? What is the inverse of "welfare queens" - "day care kings," perhaps?

I wish these posters would remember that it's the second-wave feminists in the early 1970s who developed the concept of wages for housework. How much more is it possible to respect and validate homemakers, than to demand that homemaking be valued equally with all other work?

I must comment as I am one of those who said that.

I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't experienced it in a real way.

To deny that the feminists of the 70s and 80s put down, disrespected or poo-poohed the women who gave up on careers and degrees to choose to raise their kids while their spouse was the provider is to have really big blinders on. And, I think to say that feminists didn't invent the devaluation of at-home moms is dancing around the issue, and not acknowledging the crap that women regularly dish out to each other. In my experience, the feminist movement increased the devaluation of at home moms and put it in the limelight, because we weren't getting with the program.

I would have love to been respected for my choice, but instead I got a lot of disdain, "how could you" etc from my so-called sisters. How validating is that? It has nothing to do with equal pay for equal work; it has to do with judgment, righteousness, and put oneself above another for choices. The vibe was sent out from my so called sisters that getting married, staying home and having kids was the ultimate sell out. This has nothing to do with conservatives, or other female professions, and nothing to do with welfare families, either. I could care less about wages for housework; it was the look in other women's eyes that I was somehow diminished, lesser-than that was disheartening.

Yeah, I"m carrying a big chip around. I acknowledge that.

[PamNY]

I would have love to been respected for my choice, but instead I got a lot of disdain, "how could you" etc from my so-called sisters. How validating is that? It has nothing to do with equal pay for equal work; it has to do with judgment, righteousness, and put oneself above another for choices. The vibe was sent out from my so called sisters that getting married, staying home and having kids was the ultimate sell out.

Keep in mind that what you describe happens to most everyone at some point in life. If you expect validation from everyone you know, you are bound to be disappointed. Virtually any major life or career choice is likely to elicit disapproval from someone. The idea that a person owes you validation because of gender doesn't make sense. The list of women who disapprove of me is long, and likely to get longer before I die.

Pam