Oh, I'd let you have it... I'd just make you put in your will that I get it when you die

All I'd do with it is smash its rear wheel up, probably at the rate I'm going...

I'm thinking that the front wheel is so warped just 'cause it's been sitting so long leaning against a wall or something. Least my bf's got a mountain bike with a front wheel that looks like that and I don't think that bike has moved in 10 years and there's a few bikes in the bike rack at work that haven't moved in a year (I've watched) that have warped wheels as well.

If I had a pair of bolt cutters, I'd totally steal one and make myself a hipster singlespeed.

I've got the guy's name, address & phone # if you want it. Sounds like I'm heading down that way tomorrow evening anyways...