Quote Originally Posted by Catriona View Post
ha. Apparently the police aren't the only people in Atlanta aggravated by roadies.


but . . . but . . . but *I* am a roadie! *WEEP*

See I separate people like this off into a different group which I call the "racerati".

This is a group of cyclists that have their own culture and rules and secret handshakes and all that.

These guys are not just racers. Just because you race you are not a member of the racerati. Not even if you actually WIN your races. In fact, ESPECIALLY not if you actually WIN your races. Being a member of the racerati does not mean you are actually a competitive racer at all, though you probably THINK you are, and like to PRETEND you are.

No, no, no, there is much more to being a member of the racerati than merely owning (or at least aspiring to own) a $10,000 carbon frame bike and the sleekest of anti-friction lycra jersey's and shorts.

If you aspire to become a member of the racerati there are a few things you need to get down pat.

Firstly, there is the Racerati Sneer. This sneer should be pasted across your face at all times, but particularly when any non-racerati cross your path. In particular, you must be prepared to sneer full blast at any of the following:

  • Anyone with a triple
  • Anyone on a mountain bike, hybrid, recumbent, Bike Friday, or MOST ESPECIALLY a mixte, step-through frame, Schwinn, Huffy, or other Big Box Store Brand Bicycle
  • Anyone more than 5 pounds UNDERweight
  • Anyone with duct tape anywhere on their helmet or bike
  • Anyone with a kickstand
  • Anyone who stops at red lights, stop signs, or crosswalks
  • Anyone who uses the brakes when going downhill
  • Anyone wearing a hydration pack


Secondly, you must be a First Class Bike Snob. Here's how:

Bike Snobbery 101

Thirdly, you must make sure you are properly outfitted (also, more about proper Bike Snobbery):

So You Want to be a Cyclist: Part 1: Choosing Your Equipment

So You Want to be a Cyclist: Part 2: Lifestyle Changes

Then, you must learn to love The Peloton. You must ride the roadways like a swarm of angry hornets. You must clump together as if tigers are stalking you and pulling down the weaker members of the herd at the edges and rear of The Peloton. Similarly you must jockey for position at the front of The Peloton in order to avoid contamination by said weaker members of the herd. You must think with a Single Mind, Swerve as The Peloton Swerves, Climb as The Peloton Climbs, single organelles yet all part of a vast, Amoebic body.

And finally, and most important - you must show a fine contempt and complete and total disregard for everyone else on the road, for all traffic regulations except as applied to other people, and you must believe totally and unwaveringly in the Complete Infallibility of Your Right To Take The Entire Road, Not Just The Lane.

And remember, All Pedestrians Belong in Cars, and ALL Cars Belong At The Bottom of the Ocean.