Wow, guys, thanks for the suggestions!
Ok, to address each thing...
I do wear fingerless gloves and I think the gel padding in the palm is causing me more issues than not. I am going to address that.
I have these grips on my bike as of this morning: http://www.ergonbike.com/us/grips/gr2.html and I am, and have been, constantly changing my hand position., shaking my hands out, wiggling fingers, etc.. Today's ride was much better with the new grips, by the end (11.5 miles on mostly trails) I didn't have numbness, but I did get that zing when I would bump my hands that tells me that my nerves were annoyed with me.
Now, I did mess around with the seat yesterday, I brought it forward and then back again (because it was *way* too far forward) and now I probably need to readjust the height. I think the first pic I posted is my fully extended leg shot, but I might be wrong. DH isn't home right now but I will get him to take another pic when he gets home and I will freeze just for all of you and not wear long sleeves, either, so you can see how my elbows look when I am riding. All in the name of science, right?
I was actually noticing that they seemed turned out as I rode today. I will work on relaxing those. I was also thinking about how I missed being able to get down into the drops like I used to when I was a kid on my 12-speed (oh sooooo loooooong ago
At some point I think I will look into new handlebars but I need to get more miles in so DH knows I am serious about riding. I, um, tend to get all zilla'd about something, spend $$$$ on it, and then it goes by the wayside.
My feet felt a lot better today, too. I got my new Keen Commuters and they are much stiffer than the tennis shoes I had been riding in. I have rat trap pedals and I think that the softer shoes were flexing too much and my feet were wrapping around the pedal (I also have very wide feet). I have considered switching to BMX platforms because they are much wider than the pedals I have and I think that would help, too.
Stem height. I have an old quill stem setup, so finding stems seems to be rather adventurous. Very few bike shops seem to carry them, and I am not really wanting to mail order everything. But I will check around and see what I can find and see if it helps any. I'm also considering getting one of those adapters that allows you to use the newer stems (threadless?) on what I have because that would really give me a lot more flexibility than I have right now.
I think my saddle is pretty comfy for me. It's wide enough so that my sit bones are actually on it (they straddled my old saddle....owie!) and I really don't even notice it when I am riding, and I don't have any butt pain after my rides.
Thank you guys SO much for your replies. I get the impression that DH thinks I am being a prima donna because I complain about the numbness and stuff, because he has never had any of these issues. I am sure that my weight doesn't help things, but part of the bike thing is to get my rear in gear and get some of this weight off, so I gotta find the comfort level where I am currently. It's nice to have a place to go where everyone is so helpful and not getting all sneery that some fat girl would dare get on a bike, yanno?
"A bicycle does get you there and more. And there is always the thin edge of danger to keep you alert and comfortably apprehensive. Dogs become dogs again and snap at your raincoat; potholes become personal. And getting there is all the fun."