refinancing headache, help?!

[Trek420]

Is there a best way to go about telling him?

Best to break it off right away vs. just not returning his calls.

I would go somewhere public like a cafe, over lunch. That way when you break up he might not make a scene. Just don't tell him over dinner, that's too much like another date and he could be saddened.

You could call him but let him down gently, say "It's not you, it's me"

Texting him that you don't want to see him again is just bad manners.

[aly]

I was just going to have a friend call and tell him
Or start walking past his office with my Wells Fargo guy

I guess I need to toughen up a little- I've got a few issues...

[Trek420]

I was just going to have a friend call and tell him
Or start walking past his office with my Wells Fargo guy

Or tell him "you're too good for me"

[smilingcat]

this is about money! It isn't dating!!! He's doing it for the money and not because he is a nice guy/bad guy etc.

I would call him up and Monday morning and say, "Thank you for your time, but having seen too many mistakes, and hearing of suprise at the end is not my cup of tea. I can not go forward with your office."

Straight simple and to the point. If he starts laying on the personal guilt stuff then its really unprofessional. RUN!!

just my 2 cents.

[Trek420]

this is about money! It isn't dating!!!

It's me I'm kidding.

But seriously, there comes a time in refi relationships non refundable payment may need to be made. And yes, he might not be out money but is out time.

So best to not waste his time and respectively move on.

[roguedog]

Aly,

Just call him up and tell him you've decided to move forward elsewhere. I don't know if I'd mention anything about mistakes or what not. Just say you think you've gotten a better deal at your bank and leave it at that.

As Trek says, he hasn't lost out on $ just on a little time. This is standard in the industry. Many (smart) people shop their loans. Often people apply with a 2-3 brokers/lenders and "float" the loan (not lock in a rate) until one of the lenders offers a better rate. Until the moment of lock, lenders and brokers both have invested time and maybe some money (credit, maybe some pre-underwriting and number work ups).

In the mortgage industry, they are used to loss in the pipeline. It's just part of the game.

Anyway, don't feel bad. He was going to make a lot of $ off of you. And don't let him bully you or make you feel bad. He was going to make a lot of money off of you.

<yeah.. the surprise thing sounds like a load of bullcrap. If you were going to be credited for any $, it should be disclosed in the GFE. As we say in the industry, "RED FLAG alert".>

[aly]

I wrote and said that I appreciated his time and help, but wouldn't be going with him because I got a better rate. I guess I should have just said "better deal", because he thanked me for my honesty. Then he emailed again and asked what the rate was. He says he believes the company might be willing to go lower since a small deal is better than no deal.

Since the interest rate was pretty much the same (but the APR was very slightly lower) I'm thinking I'll just say that I'm just going to stay where I am, but appreciate the offer. I can't imagine he could do much better... could he?

I should have just done more shopping up front to avoid any messiness. I guess you live and learn.