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Thread: Midlife
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09-14-2005, 09:19 AM #1
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Midlife
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Midlife is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us
plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In midlife, women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are
no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Midlife is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see
your rear without turning around.
Midlife is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the
only time someone will ask you to appear topless.
Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will
too."
Midlife brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're
sitting on our biggest ones.
Midlife is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager
and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"
In midlife your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can
retain is water.
Midlife means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand
McNally--more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of
Wisconsin.
Midlife means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the
"big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice
ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
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09-14-2005, 12:49 PM #2
back of the autobus
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2009 Lynskey R230 Houseblend - Brooks Team Pro
2007 Rivendell Bleriot - Rivet Pearl
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09-14-2005, 01:00 PM #3
going nowhere fast
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With all these wieners stuffed in my bra the girls are looking perkier than ever!
I am going to have to get another set of gloves, seems I've worn mine out with all this hand standing...let's see, what's it going to take to cancel out nearly 40 years on my feet?
Darned you, gravity!
(no, it's never going to end.....)I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
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09-14-2005, 01:07 PM #4
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Excellent!
Now if someone would just invent a desk mounted anti-hot-flash ray with a button to switch over to now-I'm-freezing-my-jigglies-off setting I'd have a full existence.
Electra Townie 7D
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09-14-2005, 02:51 PM #5
Inner Geekette
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What? Someone forgot to tell my body. Droopy and hairy, wow, I feel so sexy.
Originally Posted by bikerchick68
Frends know gud humors when dey is hear it. ~ Da Crockydiles of ZZE.
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09-14-2005, 03:11 PM #6
back of the autobus
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I hope you don't mind that I stole the last line for my latest sig line. It speaks to me ...
2009 Lynskey R230 Houseblend - Brooks Team Pro
2007 Rivendell Bleriot - Rivet Pearl
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09-14-2005, 03:48 PM #7
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I too love the healthy choice line. I plan to work it into conversation soon
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09-14-2005, 05:31 PM #8
Honky Nut Dodger
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Hey Queen here is a quote for you Originally Posted by Queen
Excellent!
Now if someone would just invent a desk mounted anti-hot-flash ray with a button to switch over to now-I'm-freezing-my-jigglies-off setting I'd have a full existence.
"real women dont have flushes they have power surges"
Sandra Cabot Physician and Author.
The most effective way to do it, is to do it.
Amelia Earhart
2005 Trek 5000 road/Avocet 02 40W
2006 Colnago C50 road/SSM Atola
2005 SC Juliana SL mtb/WTB Laser V
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09-14-2005, 06:05 PM #9
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Great line! Now lets add some A/C on demand and it's allllllllll goooooood! Originally Posted by Trekhawk
Hey Queen here is a quote for you
"real women dont have flushes they have power surges"
Sandra Cabot Physician and Author.
Electra Townie 7D
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09-15-2005, 01:32 AM #10
TimeTrial Wannabe
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Ah... love this... haven't seen it all before... and I heard that one about real women having power surges just last week
Most excellent
Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow".
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09-15-2005, 02:52 AM #11
Holly magnet.
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Gee. So much to look forward to...
Drink coffee and do stupid things faster with more energy.
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09-15-2005, 12:06 PM #12
I love headwinds! Really?
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*cigh*....now if I could just have one of them thar "power surges" while cycling instead if while sitting on my hinney eating Healthy Choice and watching the tube - or at 2 am just about the time I Really fell asleep!
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming: "Yeah Baby! What a Ride!"
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09-15-2005, 12:33 PM #13
NightMare9761
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Originally Posted by Queen
Excellent!
Now if someone would just invent a desk mounted anti-hot-flash ray with a button to switch over to now-I'm-freezing-my-jigglies-off setting I'd have a full existence.
Reading this made me go get my signature from my other email account.
I may have to change it to your quote LOL..
Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches
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09-15-2005, 01:03 PM #14
I love headwinds! Really?
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ROFL Mary!!!!! I LOVE that one!!! I love that So much better than power surges!! TYVM my friend!
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming: "Yeah Baby! What a Ride!"
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09-15-2005, 02:56 PM #15
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LOL... glad you all enjoyed this one!
jobob- no prob... I love that line too... the other one that killed me is that women in sleeveless shirts are really flying squirrels in drag
I have to tell ya all, I have not yet hit menopause. That being said, when I was in Manhattan in June my best friend and I went to see a highly recommended play off-Broadway called "Menopause, the Musical"...
it was a riot... and depressing all at once!
LOL... great. As if gray hair, wrinkles and the mustache aren't enough. sigh...
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
