Getting married- ? do I change my name

[Biciclista]

Do you LIKE his name? Do you like your name? does his start with a higher letter in the alphabet? (A's win, Z's lose)
It's up to you.
If your name is Fern Green and you want to be Fern Montgomery; go for it.

You know? But if you're the last Abergrotty in a long line of Abergrottys and his name is Jones, keep your name.

And if he's ambivalent, that means it's up to you.

[Andrea]

I changed my name when I got married, then back when I got divorced. I never want to go through the change process again just based on the PITA factor.

[SheFly]

I changed my name when I got married, then back when I got divorced. I never want to go through the change process again just based on the PITA factor.

Same boat. EXCEPT, when I married my second husband, he was adamant about me taking his name - said there wasn't really a reason for us to legally get married, otherwise (we were planning a family at the time, and had been living together for several years).

We discussed it together and I came up with a compromise. I decided to legally change my middle name to my birth surname - my brother and I are the last of the line with my birth surname, so I thought this would please my dad. Backfired! My dad was the one who gave my my original middle name! DOH!

So, today, legally, I go by firstname, birth surname, DH surname. My parents still insert my birth middle name though, giving me four names .

Yes, it's a PITA to change (especially when you have already been through this process twice!), but I like my name, and don't feel that I've lost any of my identity because I changed it.

SheFly

[singletrackmind]

Doesn't feel any different to me. I thought I went to a much easier name but have to spell it just as often.

The hubby said he didn't care but he was so pleased I decided to go with his it made me glad I did.

[Iris616]

I didn't put much thought into this before I got married. I wish I had. It turns out that I miss my "Real" name. People often called me that as a nickname, and it was part of my identity.
To me, now that I've been married 7 years, it seems like perhaps it was the first step in losing some of my identity. I'm sure there are others who will disagree.

[Tuckervill]

I didn't put much thought into this before I got married. I wish I had. It turns out that I miss my "Real" name. People often called me that as a nickname, and it was part of my identity.
To me, now that I've been married 7 years, it seems like perhaps it was the first step in losing some of my identity. I'm sure there are others who will disagree.

Iris, I agree with you. I've been married almost 20 years. I took my first husband's name, partially, and I was so happy to get my name back completely when we divorced. But when I remarried, it just seemed better not to have 3 last names in the house (I had kids from my first marriage), and I was in a different religious mindset at the time, so I took his name. I wish I had thought outside the box a little on that. We have a son together, and it is nice to be one of three with the same name--"The Tuckers" as some people in some circles refer to us. And my son does have my birth name as his first name (but we call him by his middle).

Sometimes, though, it just irks me that I can't be who I was from birth. It is a nice, well-thought out name altogether. There's only one grandchild with that last name now, and he just had a son, so I guess it is carrying on. I've often thought of taking back my name, but my husband and son, I think, would always consider it odd at the very least, and insulting at the worst. Which makes me think of how my older sons might feel that I didn't share their last name in the traditional way, and changed it so readily when I remarried. They probably don't think a thing of it, now, but maybe then they did. (My son's wife took his last name without a blink.)

It's complicated.

Karen

[Tuckervill]

I do have a friend who created a new name with her husband by combining their two last names. I mean, really, why do the women have to be the ones who abandon their family name?

I wish I had thought of that.

Karen

[RoadRaven]

I do have a friend who created a new name with her husband by combining their two last names. I mean, really, why do the women have to be the ones who abandon their family name?

I wish I had thought of that.

Karen

When I started using my maiden name at work with my married name about 6 years ago, my musband said if he'd known I wanted to keep my name, we could have each taken the others names - he would have had a double-barreled name too. But that was 24 years ago and it never entered my head...

[tygab]

kept my name, and no regrets on that. I feel it was the name I was born with and meant to have.

I do get the periodic card addressed to me w/husband's last name. I notice, but don't let it bother me much.

since we are having #1 this yr, he or she will get the husband's last name, and I'll be fine with being called the O... family. hope it won't be too much of a pain on the kid forms etc.

[Biciclista]

my grandparents had 6 grandchildren, all girls. and my grandfather was the only son. Their name is VERY rare. so when one of my cousins (one of the 6 of us grandkids) with this last name had a baby; she named her after my grandmother and grandfather by giving the baby the baby's great grandmother's first name and her married last name. The husband loves the name and wouldn't have it any other way. And it was the most wonderful gift to my grandmother.

[Tri Girl]

I changed my name. Never thought anything of it. Plus- I was changing my name from a really confusing German/American hybrid name to a generic name (Brown). I never have to spell it, which is so nice. When my dad died, I kind of wished I'd kept it, but my brother has a son, so the name will go on.

[bluebug32]

I'm getting married next year and have been debating this too. For starters, his names is a little nicer sounding than mine. But I'm a writer, so I would definitely keep my maiden-birth name for work or freelance. In the end, I think my name will become my middle name and I'll take his last name. Or I'll just put this whole thing off for as long as I can...

[BikeDutchess]

I kept my birth name. Both my first and last names are unusual and I didn't want to give up part of it (even though my first name and my DH's last name would have sounded pretty good together too). Both last names are unusual enough that I would have had to spell either one for people frequently, so that wasn't a deciding factor. Initially we also worked for the same company and I felt it was important to keep my own professional identity.

It took my MIL the longest to accept it. When I got my green card and proudly showed it off, she asked when they would put "my real name" on it! Luckily my DH's sister also kept her birth name when she married and I wasn't the odd one out anymore.

Once we had kids we did have to make a choice - we didn't want to saddle them with hyphens. We chose his last name for both kids. Our oldest has my last name as a middle name. We haven't really had issues with the kids - nowadays there are so many blended families that introducing myself as "Mrs Mylastname, XX Hislastname's mom" doesn't cause anyone to skip a beat. I do carry mini birth certificates (showing both of our names) in my wallet just in case.

[smurfalicious]

I'm getting married next year and have been debating this too. For starters, his names is a little nicer sounding than mine. But I'm a writer, so I would definitely keep my maiden-birth name for work or freelance. In the end, I think my name will become my middle name and I'll take his last name. Or I'll just put this whole thing off for as long as I can...

Ya know I thought about this too because of my photography, but I was so actively actively involved in the sport I was shooting I didn't figure it mattered much. I'd say unless you have stuff published already, and then to what degree, it can't hurt.

I was going to take my ex's last name, and while I was at it hyphenate in my mom's maiden name. I haven't spoken to my dad in 8 years and I HATE having his last name so it was a welcome idea.

[fidlfreek]

Thanks Tuckervill for pointing out a 3rd option? Like Antonio Villaraigosa, the mayor of Los Angeles. He and his wife created a NEW last name out of their own former last names.

This seems like a beautiful alternative. ALSO There are also men who change their names. For instance http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniont...z1n16read.html