Would you hold a wedding shower for yourself?

[Biciclista]

If someone sent me to a gift registry with the minimum gift being $200, I probably wouldn't buy a gift unless it was my grandkid or something.
What I noticed at my son's own wedding was that they got an incredible amount of stuff; and ended up exchanging over $600 worth of booty. As for a wedding shower put on by the bride, I have to ask why. Is she not going to have a wedding party/reception?
I always thought the wedding shower was a celebration with the close girlfriends and female relatives to the bride. You can't tell me that expensive gifts are expected from those people too? and what kind of party would it be if they're all fighting?

The wedding is the celebration of a marriage. In our culture, we celebrate it in church and/or with a party (called the reception) afterwards.

[Fujichants]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

[shootingstar]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

Hope she remains married after all this..

It is interesting when an older bride gets married for the lst time. My youngest sister married for the lst time at 38 yrs. She already had her own house and stuff. Still people gave nice gifts...more yuppish. Not sure of all she got. I was at a loss, as her sister, what to give her. So in the end, I got them a handmade teapot..usable but also artsy oriented.

Same dilemma for another sister who married at 34 yrs. for lst time but lived with her now-hubby for 7 prior yrs. They already had a house, etc. So I bought them a framed original artwork.

Both of them had registries but only as an option, not mandatory. But I didn't pay attention to that. It was understood by each of them, they would get gifts from siblings that had nothing to do with the registries....because we know them well and their lifestyle.

Yea...I come from a family of some later-loves in life.

[GLC1968]

I got married late in life, too (35). We hadn't set up a house together yet, but we both obviously had plenty of our own 'stuff'. I actually found the registry extremely helpful because we could pick out things we actually needed.

Like our pots and pans and our everyday flatware, which were a mis-mash left over from college days and hand-me downs! We registered for something nice. What we didn't need was towels, linens or glassware - so we didn't register for that stuff. It made it MUCH easier for friends and family to pick out things that would be actually be useful as opposed to getting things like potholders and bathmats...you know?

But yeah, I could not have thrown a shower for myself. Not so much because it would look like 'gift grubbing' but because I'd feel like a loser with no friends!

And while yes, the term 'shower' is for showering a bride or a couple with gifts, it isn't always done that way these days. I have been to plenty of 'showers' where the bride requested NO gifts. It was a fun, girly get-together (possibly in lieu of a bachelorette party, which I find awful) for the female wedding guests and family members to get to know each other prior to the wedding. If you called it just a party - the the whole feel of 'pre-wedding' fun would be lost.

[ny biker]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

You don't have to buy someone a gift from their registry. You don't have to go broke buying expensive gifts for someone.

Technically the only event where any gift is required is a shower. You are not required to give a gift for a wedding or engagement party.

And if she puts "gift cards preferred" on an invitation, she deserves to get a bunch of gift cards to McDonalds.

[indysteel]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

My head's hitting the keyboard. You should get an etiquette book as a gift for your friend; she could stand to learn a few things. Engagement gifts are not generally expected and, in any event, invitations should never refer to gift giving or registries and they should certainly never suggest what is preferred. Bridal shower invitations may refer to registries but ONLY because they are not coming from the bride or her immediate family, but rather from her bridesmaids or friends.

As a member of the bridal party, you are not required to attend every event or, if you do choose to attend, to buy gifts for each one. One shower and one wedding gift is more than enough and, even then, they remain voluntary, no matter what a bride may otherwise believe.

IMO, if a bride wants to throw something for her closest friends and family, I don't think it should be in the form of a shower and all that entails. I could sort of accept a "no gifts" luncheon or brunch, but even that's a stretch for me. Many brides host something as a way of thanking their bridal party but that's an opportunity for the bride to give, not get, gifts.

I, personally, find some logic in the rules of etiquette as they related to weddings and the like, in part, because I think people are losing sight of what is and isn't polite in this society. As someone else said, the wedding and reception are the celebration. I'd go a step farther to say that the marriage should ideally be the celebration......but that's because I'm a fan of eloping!

[uforgot]

Indysteel - great post! I'm in total agreement.

[Possegal]

If I were getting married I believe I'd have to throw a "come get your parka cause hell must be freezing over" party. But that's just cause I'm quite unlucky at love.

[ny biker]

If I were getting married I believe I'd have to throw a "come get your parka cause hell must be freezing over" party. But that's just cause I'm quite unlucky at love.

If I ever get married, I am stealing this idea!

[uforgot]

If I ever get married AGAIN, I'm going to try this. On second thought, I'm not going to do it again even if hell freezes over or pigs fly, so never mind.

Hey, I'm just going to have a "I've been in this house for 20 years so I want everyone to come over and bring a gift because my stuff is getting old" party. I promise I'll serve frozen margaritas instead of a cute cake. Don't you dare bring anything that doesn't match my decor, because it's all about ME!

[smurfalicious]

If I were getting married I believe I'd have to throw a "come get your parka cause hell must be freezing over" party. But that's just cause I'm quite unlucky at love.

Bwahahaha! Are there any of those ice hotels in the US? Because that would be the place to have it!

I don't get the whole five hundred friggin parties thing. I had enough stress going on without worrying about a bridal shower and to me it seemed greedy. If you want to get us a wedding present, cool. I wasn't even figuring on that because our friends/family/etc were so scattered that most didn't even know my mom or matron of honor to get the details. Of course if they knew us at all they'd know we were registered at Target (cuz we love cheap plastic stuff!), Sportsman's Warehouse (natch') and Home Depot (totally normal right?).

Just because these parties are traditional doesn't mean you've got to have them all. Perhaps focusing on showing some appreciation for her feuding bridesmaids by planning a nice luncheon for them might be a better use of her energy. From what's been said about her, perhaps she's why they're spatting.

And gifts for an engagement party? Maybe from your parents, but that's it. Perhaps a copy of the Anti-Bride's Etiquette Guide:

http://www.amazon.com/Anti-Bride-Eti...9068937&sr=8-1

Our plan was have a big BBQ out at Lake Billy Chinook with our friends instead of bachelor/bachelorette parties. I mean, why did he need the strip club when he's marrying a former stripper? What we really cared about was the awesome party we were calling our wedding. We just wanted to get married, and have a great day with our friends. Of course I think that having planned to walk down a the aisle with my horse (on my friend's ranchette facing the mountains), guests seated on hay bails with my dogs as flower girl and ring bearer says I'm a bit more laid back.

[Geonz]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

I would wonder ... sounds rather sad. Does she feel that unpopular? Is she that scared that she doesn't have enough stuff?

I might be inclined to think very creatively about making myself go broke for this person.

[salsabike]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

Please. Asking people to spend this much money is just plain WRONG. I don't care who throws what parties, but "Please remit expensive gifts" is NOT an okay message, period. Ugh.