Facebook-delisting, changing status

[teigyr]

As far as being a grown-up goes and using sites like Facebook, I feel they can be a valuable way to communicate. I also feel, however, that it can feed egotism (ie do we REALLY need to know excruciating details about what someone had for dinner or other little things unless there is a reason to?) and there is far too much dependence on making ones "voice heard". I do scan through my friends who have sites but if I have something to say to them, I say it privately. I really don't get things like Twitter - I don't have enough time to do my own things let alone read everyone else's. I sound harsh, I know.

As far as parental controls go, I'm definitely for them. I was one who always tried to get away with stuff and in retrospect, my parents knew FAR more than I thought they did. They were very much in control for some things and in others, they let me make mistakes. High School is very much a time of testing limits. Had I been able to get away with whatever I wanted, I know I would have been a lot worse off in the long run. Rules, along with values and self-confidence, allow the person to make good choices once they're not in the rebellious stage. I also think, for what it's worth, that the teenage years are all about finding oneself and limits have to be pushed. If there are no limits, it can really mess someone up. The friends I had with extremely permissive parents were GOOD kids (for the most part) but were/are pretty aimless.

There are a lot more resources for stalkers and Bad People now. STDs can be fatal. A kid/teenager might be mortified that their parents are checking out what they're doing online but then again I was mortified when my parents insisted on picking me up instead of letting me walk home from school when I was young. It's part of what parents do and I think far too many parents want to be a peer instead of a parent.

So sayeth me, the non-parent

[Crankin]

Well, I just read the last 2 pages of this thread. I have mixed feelings. I know what dangers are out there. My kids are grown up (24 and 26), but were extremely computer savvy at young ages. I also spent 30 years around middle school and HS kids.
But... I am a child of the sixties/early seventies. I was treated as a responsible adult as a teen. My parents trusted me and I could always tell them anything, even if I didn't. Did I do wild stuff? Sure. According to some of my former co-workers, I should be dead or burning in Hell for some of the stuff I did. I smoked weed, hung out on the Boston Common, and I ah, liked boys, too. Never did drink, though.
I never was shocked by what the kids at school were saying/doing when I taught, because I did almost all of it when I was their age. My own kids had a lot of freedom compared to their friends, but they also had a lot more responsibility; they worked, had to do stuff in the house, pay for their gas, etc. I didn't let them sit in my car at the end of the cul-de-sac, waiting for the bus. They stood out there in the rain (with an umbrella).
When my oldest son was 12 and in 6th grade, he asked me to drive him to the mall to meet a "girl" he had met on line. This was in 1994 or 95 and not too many kids were meeting people on line. I knew right away he was probably talking to some perv and I said no. We had a little chat and that was it. Yeah, that one spent too much time IMing, when I thought he was doing his homework, but he did manage to graduate with honors from college. I caught the younger one looking at porn when he was in 7th grade, on my computer. He was so embarrassed, that never happened again.
I don't think I would troll my kids Facebook accounts after an initial discussion of the dangers, etc.
My motto was "talk to them about everything." I guess it worked, because my kids never got in any trouble as teens. They were/are not geeks, and are socially responsible people.

[shootingstar]

As far as being a grown-up goes and using sites like Facebook, I feel they can be a valuable way to communicate. I also feel, however, that it can feed egotism (ie do we REALLY need to know excruciating details about what someone had for dinner or other little things unless there is a reason to?) and there is far too much dependence on making ones "voice heard". I do scan through my friends who have sites but if I have something to say to them, I say it privately. I really don't get things like Twitter - I don't have enough time to do my own things let alone read everyone else's. I sound harsh, I know.

As an aside from the use of FB by children and monitoring..

I'm afraid of cluttering my attention/brain with details about even my loved ones near and far away, on smaller details of their lives if getting on FB at this time.

haven't ruled out FB yet but for certain my nieces and nephews at this point, though polite kids that they are, probably can't be bothered with one of their ole fogey aunts, the inexplicable one riding around on her bike.

Haven't ruled out FB in personal life, but just gettin' family members to email more regularily is enough right now vs. by phone. Already I know one of them suspended her Internet account ages ago.... she is really on the budget edge, paying off her house mortgage-- solo. Parents will never be online....they are the older generation of working class immigrants. It's just a feat to speak and comprehend in the same language with them, particularily on complicated topics.

I'm one of the chattier ones online in the family, and also in my snail mail letters when sending gifts. Every one has a certain role in a birth family.