how to introduce myself to a fellow cyclist without looking like a stalker

**beccaB** · 03-31-2009, 06:33 AM

I keep seeing a woman riding a bicycle while I'm driving my school bus around. She appears to be about the same age as me, maybe a little younger, and about in the same level of fitness as I am, from my observations of her riding. The other day I saw her taking her bike into the house after a ride, and prior to that I did not know where she lives. I would like to introduce myself to her and find out if she would like an occasional riding partner because my husband is not available sometimes. I don't want to appear to be a stalker, but I don't know any other way to do this other than going to her house and knocking on her door, which I am nervous about doing. Any suggestions?

**TrekTheKaty** · 03-31-2009, 06:41 AM

You could always leave her a note. Explaining like you just did. Then you give her the option to contact you. Meet somewhere on neutral ground--a city park or trail. I don't think a fellow cyclist would consider that stalking :-)

**lph** · 03-31-2009, 07:19 AM

No ideas, but this is THE best thread title

Good luck!

**shootingstar** · 03-31-2009, 07:28 AM

Not sure if a note would actually heighten suspicions for her. I would feel abit creeped out if I received a note.

Well, have you ever given her friendly beep or wave as you are driving bus? That would be a starter....for any cyclist.

You might need to do this several times, as a friendly pattern.
Not sure if this is possible in terms of volume of traffic, etc.

Then maybe ride on your bike and see if she is around at home, pottering around outside?

I would tend to choose a cafe to meet anyone I didn't know before.

Best of luck.

**Cataboo** · 03-31-2009, 07:46 AM

I think I'd just leave her a note.

Or print out this thread, put your phone number on it and leave it in her mailbox.

You can wave to her in your school bus, but I think I prefer that people not honk at me when I'm riding my bike. It confuses me, even if they're just being friendly.

**Biciclista** · 03-31-2009, 07:56 AM

and put in the note that she should join TE!

**kfergos** · 03-31-2009, 07:57 AM

Could you go out on your bike at a time and on a route where you know she'll be one day and strike up a conversation that way?

I know I'm much more open to being approached by other cyclists who look like cyclists -- I'll ride with strangers I meet when I'm out, but I don't know if I'd feel comfortable getting a note. I guess my general suggestion is try to encounter her in person, preferably as a person who has an obvious shared interest with her, and then explain from there.

Another idea - maybe post something on the Craigslist Missed Connections for your city?

And I second the previous comment - I love the thread title!

**lph** · 03-31-2009, 07:57 AM

Hang up notes in the area, on notice boards or lampposts, and see if she takes the bait?

**Cataboo** · 03-31-2009, 08:00 AM

If you can somehow maneuver to be stopped at a light or stop sign beside her, you could just open up the window and talk to her!

If you do leave her a note, I think you shouldn't decorate it with red hearts and comments like "You're so cute in your biking clothes, wanna ride with me?" Definitely shouldn't include photos of her riding her bike.

**shootingstar** · 03-31-2009, 08:04 AM

Originally Posted by Catriona

If you can somehow maneuver to be stopped at a light or stop sign beside her, you could just open up the window and talk to her!

If you do leave her a note, I think you shouldn't decorate it with red hearts and comments like "You're so cute in your biking clothes, wanna ride with me?" Definitely shouldn't include photos of her riding her bike.

Not sure about the note with red hearts.

It could be misconstrued.

Most definitely print off this thread to show her.... well, if thread gets too long, just lst pg. good enough.

**sgtiger** · 03-31-2009, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by lph

Hang up notes in the area, on notice boards or lampposts, and see if she takes the bait?

LOL! I love your sense of humor, LPH. I'd find that creepy if I found those everywhere I went.

**txred9876** · 03-31-2009, 09:25 AM

Straight forward is the best. Just tell her you see her riding all the time and would like a bike partner sometimes.....blah blah.... and leave your number.

Most people are not going to think that creepy

tina

**Zen** · 03-31-2009, 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by shootingstar

Not sure about the note with red hearts.

It could be misconstrued.

Re-read that.
It says should NOT

I'd probably take my chances andknock on the door.

**Miranda** · 03-31-2009, 10:22 PM

Originally Posted by Catriona

If you can somehow maneuver to be stopped at a light or stop sign beside her, you could just open up the window and talk to her!

Originally Posted by txred9876

Straight forward is the best. Just tell her you see her riding all the time and would like a bike partner sometimes.....blah blah.... and leave your number.

Most people are not going to think that creepy

tina

Yep... that's what I say. Just stop her and ask her one day. Maybe have you name/phone# already written out ahead of time and hand it out the window to her.

I know the bus runs on a tight schedule for school. So, you don't have a lot of time to be playing around. Plus, if she is a "good cyclist" aka follows traffic rules... she should be stopped just like traffic when the bus stops if for kid drop off and pick up (the cross arm is out--I personally stop on my bike).

If you are kinda just yelling out the window on slow drive motion, she might not hear you. Could take a second. I know when I go to talk to my kids' bus driver it's hard to hear cuz the bus is so big and loud.

You don't want her to get sucked in riding next to you passing either. She might be too freaked to listen. Just some thoughts if she doesn't seem responsive--it might not be you or the idea--just trying to focus on traffic instead. Or if she does--some peeps just prefer to ride alone (head clearing). But, you never know until you ask, of course.

If ME, I'd just say, "HEY! I don't mean to seem like a stalker, but I'm a fellow cyclist looking for a riding partner--just wondering if you might be interested?". Straight up is good in my book.

Good Luck!

EDIT: Side bar note... If you do become her riding partner, you might teach her something I learned here on TE. That mixing up your routes is a good safety practice. Specifically in relation to being stalked. One of our local tri gals was ran off the road by a man in his car, raped, and left for dead (her fitness level and ability to fight him off/endure afterwards was an attributing factor to her being alive, btw). She rode the same training route. Just like you see the same lady, same time, same place--on your same bus route. A good safety tip to pass on. Not to be paralyzed in fear--but just trying to be more aware of your practices and surroundings.

**Ana** · 04-01-2009, 03:09 AM

Originally Posted by lph

Hang up notes in the area, on notice boards or lampposts, and see if she takes the bait?

This reminds me of Amelie

But without the mysteriously romantic undertones

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