How much do looks define your self-image?

[beccaB]

My hair is turning silver and I think it is a bright vibrant color, and actually pretty. It makes my plain brown hair more interesting. But it amazes me how many people have noticed it and asked me if I will get it colored! I am NOT into that kind of maintenance!
If you want to experience what being superficial is, ride on a school bus and listen to pre-teens. I am shocked and appalled at their belief system and how easily they voice their opinions, however misguided.

[katluvr]

I did "scan" but quickly quit reading the Best Bike Advice thread.
I must admit people are just too serious some times. I took it lightly and was not offended...I am not 50 yet, but hey it is close!

I, like most of you, am "fitter" and feel that I "look" better now that I am older partly d/u to my attitude --which is d/t my biking and running accomplishments.

But I digress...these 2 threads are just so much more interesting since I just received a video call "Cougar Barbie". Since Barbie is now 50. It was just so hilarious. But if I shared...I fear people will be offended. Which brings me full circle. Maybe we take things to seriously and don't find the humor or fun that was intended.

Age is a number. Somedays it matters and some days it does not! And, can you really tell how old anyone is these days? Especially in a bike helmet and when the fly past you on a bike...then you see the number on their calf (body marking in a tri) and they are 60 or 70! Now that is HOT!

[sfa]

My hair is turning silver and I think it is a bright vibrant color, and actually pretty. It makes my plain brown hair more interesting.

My grandmother was a redhead, but by the time she was 40 her hair had turned completely white and I'm told that she and everyone around her thought it was drop-dead gorgeous (and she liked it that she could wear colors with white hair that she couldn't wear when her hair was red).

My mother promised me that this would happen with my red hair too, since my grandmother was the only relative we knew of who had red hair. No such luck. I turned 40 last month and there's no sign of my hair going white.

Enjoy your silver--I agree that it adds depth and sparkle to a head of hair!

Sarah

[tulip]

It's admirable to say that the only kind of beauty that matters is on the inside. I like how I am on the inside, but I also like looking good, no question. When I look good, I feel good. I walk with confidence and just feel good about myself. That goes for hair, clothes, makeup, and body. I lost about 20 lbs a few years ago, and have never felt better about myself. I would like to say that I would be just as happy with those 20lbs, but the fact is, I would not, and I did not. I don't want them back.

I work from home and I have to be careful not to slob-out. I don't often wear skirts and heels at home, although sometimes I do, but I do try to look well-put together. Yes, that's even if no one sees me, which happens often. It affects how I work, how I sit, how I talk on the phone. I do wear some makeup, even when I know I won't see anyone.

I haven't started going grey yet (I'm 41, go figure) and I don't know what I will do when that happens. I'll certainly give it a try, like Emmylou Harris. I love her hair. But it might not work for me, I don't know yet.

I'm not obsessed about how people perceive me; it's more about how I perceive me. It has to do with caring for myself.

[Becky]

I'm not obsessed about how people perceive me; it's more about how I perceive me. It has to do with caring for myself.

Great statement, and one that describes my feelings on appearance. I certainly don't qualify as high-maintenance when it comes to appearance, but I feel better when my make up and hair look good, or I'm wearing that special outfit that makes me feel confident. Our office dress code is very casual, jeans and sneakers for most staff, and I'll still go business casual/dress when my job duties that day permit or require it, just for the self-esteem boost that it gives me.

FWIW, I feel more "hot" at almost-30 than I ever did at 18 or 20. I'm fitter (thanks to cycling), more outspoken and self-assured, and finally have a clue about cosmetics and hairstyles. I can't wait to see what 40 brings!

[Aggie_Ama]

Emmylou Harris recently rediscovered the love of riding her bicycle. The djs on the satellite radio are quite taken by her pedaling by.

[sundial]

Some of the most beautiful women I've known had one thing in common--confidence. That alone defined their beauty.

[tribogota]

Interesting thread, I teach gender and sexuality studies, so I think about these things frequently to help my students think about them. Yes, society does care and make us care up and we contribute by caring too. But, I actually think humans are less affected by the appearance thing than they think, something else makes them "approve" or "disapprove" of appearances. Not arrogance, but I was "hot" at 20 and am even "hotter" now that I train 10 hours a week for triathlon, but this doesn't help much else in my life, I have to constantly work on my own positive hopeful outlook on life. I live a fairly lonely existence, some very wonderful friends, but no intimacy even though I desire it and great losses in the past. Being cute, pretty, hot, whatever, didn't help in any given moment and still doesn't help, I can hardly get a date....
Didn't mean to sound so down, but wanted to contribute that the looks thing doesn't define a whole lot, a lot of the time.

[Biciclista]

Interesting thread, I teach gender and sexuality studies, so I think about these things frequently to help my students think about them. Yes, society does care and make us care up and we contribute by caring too. But, I actually think humans are less affected by the appearance thing than they think, something else makes them "approve" or "disapprove" of appearances. Not arrogance, but I was "hot" at 20 and am even "hotter" now that I train 10 hours a week for triathlon, but this doesn't help much else in my life, I have to constantly work on my own positive hopeful outlook on life. I live a fairly lonely existence, some very wonderful friends, but no intimacy even though I desire it and great losses in the past. Being cute, pretty, hot, whatever, didn't help in any given moment and still doesn't help, I can hardly get a date....
Didn't mean to sound so down, but wanted to contribute that the looks thing doesn't define a whole lot, a lot of the time.

wow, this took guts to say. I was talking to a gorgeous young woman the other day. She told me she almost never gets asked on dates. (i told my son!!) - that Seattle is considered a cold town, where guys don't try to date gals, to give him a little edge.

I hope you run into a warm and kind soul mate soon.

[polly4711]

1. lph--- you always have great threads/input to say. i completely agree about the if you have a loving family, etc.... then you have succeded in life.
2. I agree with all of the men/women on here.
3. I am 22, my mom already gave me wrinkle cream.... my wrinkles are my smile lines.... darn it.. i got wrinkles because i smiled... isn'nt that a good thing?
4. i've learned that i am who i am.

anyhoo... could go on a long time... better complete homework!

[Zen]

Not arrogance, but I was "hot" at 20 and am even "hotter" now that I train 10 hours a week for triathlon, but this doesn't help much else in my life, I have to constantly work on my own positive hopeful outlook on life. I live a fairly lonely existence, some very wonderful friends, but no intimacy even though I desire it and great losses in the past. Being cute, pretty, hot, whatever, didn't help in any given moment and still doesn't help, I can hardly get a date....

I could have written that myself (except for that triathlon thing)
I think it's been four years since I had a date.
I'm still quite happy though, thank you.

[lph]

I really appreciate everybody's replies. Thanks for the input. I'm certainly not trying to belittle anybody's wish to feel attractive, I think we all do, just doodling around with the idea of what goes into being attractive. Some random thoughts:

are men more relaxed about their looks, or is this just not manly to admit you care? you can tell a male friend (not all, I guess, but some, in the right situation) that they could use a haircut, or should lose some weight - saying the same thing to a woman is mostly considered a huge faux pas. Not to mention a mistaken pregnancy

would you be offended by someone saying that at 50 you're not as cute, or trusting as when you were 20?

Did you ever switch over from wanting to be thought of as older, to wishing you were younger?

- late, gotta go sleep

[Mr. Bloom]

Did you ever switch over from wanting to be thought of as older, to wishing you were younger?

In the 80's/90's, I was at one point the youngest Senior VP and then the youngest Executive VP in a company with 5,000 employees. BUT, the clerical folks remembered me when I was a trainee...and still thought of me as that young kid.

Now, my hair is greying and it's sliding from from the top of my head to the back of my shoulders...

Yes, I'm making the transition kicking and screaming because what is see is not how I feel. SO, I guess I need to focus on making how I feel come out in other ways

However, I have to admit...I was never "cool" or "hot" when I was 20 and was rarely comfortable in my skin. But I had a confidence that pushed me past that and that's what got me multiple job offers when I graduated.

Without question, just basic things that define female vs. male bodies, do form our self-image ..for the rest of our lives. It determines how people treat us, female vs. male.

• as infants, the genders look essentially the same (except for one key anatomical difference)
• as we mature, we start looking very different
• as we age, we essentially start looking alike again (except for one key anatomical difference)
• so let's age gracefully

[shootingstar]

[*]as we age, we essentially start looking alike again (except for one key anatomical difference)[*]so let's age gracefully[/LIST]

You better be careful how you tell Silver on the lst point above.

[Grog]

I had written a long message about my teenage years but I've decided to chop it in favour of this more interesting anecdote:

I worked on tv for a bit, in a minor variety show. Before every show the make up artist would cake us up (men and women, although women would get icing on top of the cake). Kinda fun (I never wear any on my own). One of the make up artist that worked with the show then told me of her work with a particular female news anchor whom, she said, was obsessed with her looks to a pathological point. She controlled her image to the extreme. But can you imagine being on display like that all the time? The pressure on those women is enormous, and they're often relegated to minor positions as soon as they start to age.

In a similar vein: the French channel of Canada's national television had this woman who happens to be a trained meteorologist and a very good teacher about weather issues as the "weather woman." She was hired in 1980 and worked on the most important news show of the day until, in 1995, she was mysteriously relegated to minor shows. Yes, she has aged, and, yes, she is about 50% heavier than the chicks who present the weather on the other channels. Well I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I think she filed a formal complaint, and she won her position back. I was really grateful that she fought for this. She is, by far, the most competent for the job, and proved that looks did not always rule.

Bottom line: If you have a female news anchor that you like, send notes to the station where she works on a regular basis to say how much you appreciate her work.