Marriage: it isn't all roses and rainbows

[Tri Girl]

Thanks, everyone.
I made an appointment with a psychiatrist today. She came highly recommended from a friend who works with her. Her first opening is on March 26th, but I'm on the waiting list if there are any cancellations. I think I can hang in there until then. I know I shouldn't, and that this is such a terrible thing to think: but I feel crazy for even making the appointment. The stigma is that only crazy people see shrinks, but I know that's NOT true. Good people who need help see shrinks. I'm doing a good thing for me. I just hope she can fix my brain.
Thanks again for all your thoughts.
Eclectic, the story of your sister made me so sad, but I'm glad that she finally is diagnosed correctly and feeling much better. And I don't know what you went through last year (I mean- I know that your SO passed away, but I can't empathize with you), and I'm glad that you had help to see you through that terribly sad and devastating part of your life (which I'm sure you're still not entirely through with).
I know my situation isn't anything huge. My teaching partner's son is slowly dying of a brain tumor that can't be operated on or treated with anymore chemo. SHE has it rough. My good friend is leaving her husband this week with her two young daughters. SHE has it rough. I know we all have our cross to bear, I just try to remember that my problems aren't that bad (but I guess if they're the worst problems I'm facing then they're that bad).

Anyhow, I'm rambling. Thank you all so very much!!!

[Wahine]

I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you. I don't feel like I have anything useful to add right now but I would just reiterate the importance of communication and the need to take care of yourself. The step you've taken towards couseling is a good one. ((((((Hugs))))))

[michelem]

Normal, yes. But, does this mean your marriage is doomed? NO!

Not sure if you believe in God, but my husband and I found the movie Fireproof to be very inspirational to our marriage (I think it's out on dvd now). I also bought the book from the movie, "The Love Dare." It includes 40 days of things to do to improve your marriage. I think you're supposed to do one thing per day, but some of them are quite challenging to me and I've gotten stuck on them for more like a week (like not complaining or being negative)! It's really helping our relationship though.

Anyway, just some ideas for you . . .

I'm glad you've decided to get some help for yourself. Depression stinks.

[Mr. Bloom]

Her first opening is on March 26th, but I'm on the waiting list if there are any cancellations. I think I can hang in there until then

Resolve to hang in there no matter what

BUT, please promise that if you get any persistent urge to do something impulsive, please, please, please go to the ER for immediate assistance.

AND, keep the appointment even if you're feeling better by then.

You've got a group of us rallied around you now with warm, understanding thoughts You're not alone (even in an electronic world)

[Tri Girl]

I told DH I was going to see a dr. He was very supportive. He said that if I felt that sad and needed to do it, then it's something I should do. I told him I was feeling very sad lately and that I was worried that we weren't OK. He said that we are a LONG way from the big D and that we're good. He's a man of few words, so that was actually saying A LOT. I feel better. Talking about feelings is VERY hard for me (unless it's a stranger and then it's very easy), so my even saying anything is huge. It'll all be OK.

Thanks again, guys and gals.

[teigyr]

Yay.

I am so glad you are getting help and that you told your husband. Sometimes fear is worse if you don't confront it and I am so very happy that he is supportive. Things build, especially if you just let them fester in your mind. Fester's an icky word, sorry.

I think you're brave but that goes right along with everything else you've accomplished. (((hugs)))

[Wahine]

more hugs from me.

[OakLeaf]

So glad you're taking steps and that you've been able to talk with your DH. Take good care.

[Duck on Wheels]

Well done, Tri! Worst fears confronted and the monster wasn't hiding under the bed. Tell DH that an extra hug or two per day will help keep the monsters away until your appointment ... and after for that matter. In fact, you may both become addicted to them.

[bouncybouncy]

I told DH I was going to see a dr. He was very supportive. He said that if I felt that sad and needed to do it, then it's something I should do. I told him I was feeling very sad lately and that I was worried that we weren't OK. He said that we are a LONG way from the big D and that we're good.

That almost brought me to tears...sounds like a conversation I had with my hubby not too long ago! I proceeded to see someone and opening lines of communication with hubby little by little (baby steps!!!) and we are in such great place now...and it has only been a couple months!

Keep that appointment!!! And make a few more...one is never enough! Keep those conversations going with your hubby...regardless how "few" words there are! you are on the right path now so keep moving...

[tulip]

TriGirl, you've taken a very courageous and difficult first step; I know how hard that was for you. Take care and keep going in that direction.

[eclectic]

(((((((big hug))))))) for a strong brave woman

I am so glad you made the appointment this quickly - and I got a warm, good all over feeling when I read the post about you talking to your husband.

re crazy people see shrinks - Shrinks are medical doctors trained to treat disorders of the brain. If your thyroid quit working you would go to an internist and get medicine, if your pancreas quit working you would go on insulin. The brain and it's chemical levels are no different.

Re other people's problems - I am sorry to hear about your team teachers son I am sure that is having an effect on you too. And maybe the fact your good friend leaving her husband had a bearing on your marriage feelings (just a guess)

I was glad to hear you say "but I guess if they're the worst problems I'm facing then they're that bad" Truer words were never spoken

another ((((((((big hug))))))))

When you can't hold yourself up - let others carry you - You have many friends here on TE

[salsabike]

Honey, if only crazy people see shrinks, then the human race is crazy (which we are, a bit, just by nature). Believe me, you have lots of quite sane company out here.

You will get through this. And good for you for taking action.

[Serendipity]

Thanks, everyone.
I know I shouldn't, and that this is such a terrible thing to think: but I feel crazy for even making the appointment. The stigma is that only crazy people see shrinks, but I know that's NOT true. Good people who need help see shrinks. I'm doing a good thing for me. I just hope she can fix my brain.

Tri-Girl, I think the most important thing in what you have said is that you are doing a good thing for yourself....so true! Please don't let any stigma prevent you from getting help that will make your life better.

In 2000/2001, I went through a very difficult time; over the course of a year and a half, my mother, my (estranged) husband and my brother died, each after rather long illnesses. My GP referred me to a grief counselor - I can tell you that was the best thing I ever did for me. This was an opprtunity to talk with a professional about my feelings (anger, guilt, among others) and understand that those feelings weren't unusual, nor did they make me a bad person. There were just a couple of things that she said to me that were eureka moments. I can't tell you what a burden was lifted.

The second part of my experience is that I made no secret of the fact that I was going to counselling - didn't talk about it all the time, but didn't deny it. As a result, a number of people actually talked to me about the fact that they had gone for counselling at some point. You might be amazed at the people who have sought help in this way - but it is often a stigma, as you say, or something that is kept a secret.

Also wanted to mention that ups and downs are normal in a relationshp - marriage or otherwise. I have since remarried - we've been together for almost seven years - and I there are days when my DH is fed up/annoyed with me ... and some days when I am the same with him. But we can move on from that.

Anyway, sorry to be so long-winded, but hope this helps in some way.

[ACG]

Therapy is an excellent idea and congratulations for taking charge of your life.
I was married 25 years. I am now divorced. All relationships have ups/downs.

Therapy helped me see the distructiveness of the relationship. Even though I don't ever talk to my ex, I think we are both very happy where we are now.


Good luck, lots of hugs!