Quote Originally Posted by OakLeaf View Post
You are not alone. But I don't have any words of wisdom.

Therapy has been a godsend for me (not currently doing it but did for many years), but our one attempt at couples counseling was a disaster (for many reasons, but the therapist herself has at least half the responsibility IMO) and DH won't try that again.

Along those same lines, I think it's absolutely critical that each partner confront h/h own issues in individual therapy before, or at a minimum concurrently with, couples therapy. Two unhealthy individuals have no hope of becoming a healthy couple. A therapist hired to treat the couple really can't get too deeply into individual issues that might create a conflict of interest.

But there are other ways to get into a healthy emotional state at least partially. Is Yoga or meditation or bodywork something that you and your DH can undertake?


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE talk to someone about your suicidal feelings. Drugs are the only thing that makes the thoughts go away for me but therapy helped me learn that the thoughts are not "real," that I do NOT want to commit suicide even when I have the thoughts. (Which was near constant, before drugs.) I'm hearing the same thing from you... PLEASE don't let suicide become something you try OR something that you beat yourself up for not trying. PLEASE.

I really wish we had a "I'm with stupid" emoticon. This is very good advice.

My story shares some parallels with Oakleaf, although for me ( us) marriage counseling was a huge success.

Sounds to me like you guys are way beyond needing to schedule a date night, and some sort of professional support is needed to facilitate communication and getting beyond the symptoms here. Depressive issues and lack of communication can have a huge dynamic on a marriage relationship.

Me? Married 25+ years. We've been through depressions, substance abuse, emotional withdrawal and more. A good marriage counselor ( and some individual counseling) gave us the tools to rebuild, and I know have the marriage I could have only dreamed of 10-15 years ago.

It's pretty much a fact that if one divorces before they deal with the underlying issues/factors/emotional baggage, they are pretty doomed to get into similar situations.

Irulan.





Good luck.