Oh smurf, you do sound down. I'm going to sound like an old fogey here - but really - it's not about the bike. You know that, we all know it, but it's sooo easy to get carried away by the want-that-one, ooh, look-at-THAT-one, wouldn't-THAT-colour-be-perfect hysteria. The perfectionism is one reason I don't want to buy a new bike, I'd spend ages researching it, and still manage to find some flaw afterwards. If nothing else I'd be annoyed at the price. Fixing up old bikes I just don't have that level of expectation and I accept that things break down or don't work all the time. There is always going to be someone with a bike that is better, and I kind of get a kick out of riding a bike that doesn't impress anyone - it just works.

Please, don't let the bike mean too much. You have such a huge amount of guts and spirit, and it's a waste to spend it on irrelevant stuff. You really need some more supportive (or just less mouthy!) people to hang around with though. Isn't anyone focusing on what you DO with the bike, the actual riding, the fun part? You can always improve on that, you know, and it's completely free