In a low place

[Wahine]

I work in Hood River and am currently sleeping at a friend's house in Mosier. I don't have a permanent home at the moment.

Just rode the Syncline today in the mud with a giant Trance that someone is selling one season used. Nice bike but probably still out of my price range, even used.

Take care.

[lph]

Oh smurf, you do sound down. I'm going to sound like an old fogey here - but really - it's not about the bike. You know that, we all know it, but it's sooo easy to get carried away by the want-that-one, ooh, look-at-THAT-one, wouldn't-THAT-colour-be-perfect hysteria. The perfectionism is one reason I don't want to buy a new bike, I'd spend ages researching it, and still manage to find some flaw afterwards. If nothing else I'd be annoyed at the price. Fixing up old bikes I just don't have that level of expectation and I accept that things break down or don't work all the time. There is always going to be someone with a bike that is better, and I kind of get a kick out of riding a bike that doesn't impress anyone - it just works.

Please, don't let the bike mean too much. You have such a huge amount of guts and spirit, and it's a waste to spend it on irrelevant stuff. You really need some more supportive (or just less mouthy!) people to hang around with though. Isn't anyone focusing on what you DO with the bike, the actual riding, the fun part? You can always improve on that, you know, and it's completely free

[crazycanuck]

Smurf-I don't know exactly how to help I say stuff them all & do what YOU want.

Do you do rodeos? Is there an equestrian club in your area that has some down to earth/normal folk?

BTW..I ride a hardtail & would love a duallie.. I too have been feeling inadequate lately amongst many roadies/mtb folks as I don't have the best bikes in the world.

Take care

C

[Duck on Wheels]

((((Smurf)))) There's definitely a lot of cr*p flying out of the fan these days, and you seem to have been hit by more than your share. In my depression experience, the feeling of helplessness while life goes spinning out of control is a trigger; making plans, however small and marginal, can give you back some of the sense of control. So my tip, FWIW, is to focus on what you can change for the better. Feel free to come over here and cry on some virtual manes whenever you feel the urge, and f'sure make the most of your equine support. We may gush on about our bikes from time to time, causing a bit of jealousy. Being a duck, most of that just washes off my back. I think a lot of us feel about the same: We admire others' bikes (including yours!), but don't feel like we have to have that one and that one and THAT one. Yeah, I know there are a lot of posts expressing bike envy or bike lust, but each such post is just one person lusting one bike. Out of the hundreds of us, mostly the response is "Nice bike! Congrats!" and then we go pat our own trusty rusty steed on the saddle and ride on. You also have a LIVE steed to pat, who nuzzles you back and responds to your feelings. Now THAT is something I envy!!!

[sundial]

One of the most debilitating things about depression is that it robs us of our rational thinking. We are left with raw feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that perpetuates the problem further.

You've had the weight of the world on your shoulders and it's been difficult for you to keep your head above the water. It sounds like you are starting at a good place by addressing your physical needs first. Once you get your body healthier things won't seem as dismal and overwhelming. Spend time with your horses. I know how therapeutic they can be. Surround yourself with positive and healthy people who have a genuine respect and concern for you and your well being. Buy fresh flowers to add a little bit of sunshine to your home or office. With longer, sunnier days just around the corner you'll want to get out more often for the fresh air and sunshine and that will help you too.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I'd guess that perhaps half of the women here on TE can't afford a new fancy bike right now either. Or a horse.
If you have your health and you have a roof over your head and food to eat, and you have your loved ones who mean something to you....that's what really matters most, right? Sometimes, especially when we are young, we don't realize this until we suddenly lose one of those things.

And people who purposely make you feel crummy because you don't have some expensive material object like they have are shallow. The hell with them and their superficial values. Often we take on the attitudes of those we surround ourselves with. Consider making changes in your life plan that will cause you to associate with more positive people and fewer negative ones. Such changes can be small and still make a difference.

[Biciclista]

And people who purposely make you feel crummy because you don't have some expensive material object like they have are shallow. The hell with them and their superficial values. Often we take on the attitudes of those we surround ourselves with. Consider making changes in your life plan that will cause you to associate with more positive people and fewer negative ones. Such changes can be small and still make a difference.

Can't you tell these "friends" to buzz off? I think you're fortunate to be able to keep a horse. I had to give mine up years ago. I do seriously question friends that put you down for a bike like the one you built. I would be very proud of it and I would give my "friends" a good talking about how they are HURTING my feelings.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((smurf)))))))

It sounds like you work in a really toxic environment. I know it's not the best time to look for a new job, but maybe try anyhow. Talking to the boss sounds like a good idea (as I said in the earlier thread, a lot of what you mentioned before sounds like it's bordering on sexual harrassment, if not crossing that line). And whatever you can do to stay away from those people outside of the office, if I were you, I'd do that.

Having a plan can go a long way in alleviating the hopelessness and helplessness that goes with depression... although obviously being able to plan is one of the first things that depression attacks.

The cycle of depression can be broken in many places and it sounds like you're doing your best to attack it on several fronts (nutrition, exercise, animals), but sometimes it takes more than that. If you're still feeling this way in a couple of weeks (and honestly it does sound like it's been building for a while), do think about therapy. It sounds like you're aware that some of what's going on is that issues from your childhood are getting triggered. Therapy can be an enormous help in learning to deal with and eventually desensitize those triggers.

Keeping you in my thoughts.