Help with motivating a teenager

[mayanorange]

1+ on Scouting. I'm a lifetime member of the Girl Scouts and it was an awesome experience. Find a troop where the leader encourages the boys to decide what badges to work on based on their interests. We totally did everything ourselves and had a great time because we were allowed that freedom. We ended up being the only troop in Jr High and HS in our county, so they always asked us to do encampments for the younger troops- again, a great opportunity for us to then teach the younger kids about stuff we were excited about a of course learning leadership.

I hope you can find something that works for him- I agree that a heart to heart from either you or DH to see what he'd rather be doing would be greatly helpful and then make that the reward once homework is done, or incorporate that into other topics. Like if he likes art but not science, have him do illustrations of bio and physics ideas, etc. I know what it's like to be bored to tears in a school district that's relatively limited. Our gifted classes bored me worse than normal classes- taking us from our normal classes and our social groups to then still not be stimulated enough. So I just had a million other activities- Girl scouts, sports, various clubs, and lots of artistic hobbies. I'm sure as others have pointed out he's probably smart enough to not want to be bored by a repeat year, so he'll probably find a way.

[tulip]

I don't have kids, but I have two brothers. One is 3 years younger, the other is 15 years younger. The 15-year younger one didn't have to lift a finger growing up. I really think that affected his comprehension of a work ethic.

In my opinion, kids taking responsibility at home increases the chances that they will take responsibility elsewhere. Learning the value of work at home is an essential step of learning the value of work in life.

Best of luck to you and your family.

[DDH]

Well girls, thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate everything everyone said.

He brought his progress report home yesterday and he is now failing, History, computer Lit, and Algebra. He will be fur-lowed out of algebra and put into regular 8th grade math if he fails this 9 weeks again, because he has to have a math credit to graduate 8th grade.

I've talk to his teachers and yes they are frustrated also.

We took all forms of entertainment away from him yesterday and he will have to earn his things back with an 85 or better in his classes.

I had him take everything out of his room, and when his father got home I let him take care of the rest. It wasn't pleasant, trust me, I was in tears.
I think his dad goes overboard with things, and he thinks I'm to lenient so we don't' always agree on parenting skills. We dint' argue about it or disagree with each other in front of our son, but we definitely have some different styles.
I dint' believe in double punishing and the long winding sermons. I believe that kids hear you for the initial point and then they shut down, could be wrong, but I remember my dad giving sermons when I was growing up and I just wanted to roll my eyes and leave the room. Also, I believe you have to be very careful in your wordage to a child. Children internalize things and they often hear negative things that are said and internalize them.
I try not to insult him and my husband believe in what he calls constructive criticism.
Regardless, I stepped back yesterday and let him handle things because obviously what I have been doing isn't working, so maybe the hard hand is what he needs. It upset me, but I left the room and let him continue.
I did step in when he started asking him what he was going to do when he grew up, "be a thief, or criminal?" . I only stepped in to say that bad grades doesn't make a bad person and that he is a very good kid.

I understand that being a police officer he sees the bad in the world and what not having an education does for you, or let me re-word that, COULD do for you. I just dint' want him to impose that on our 14 year old.


Anyway, I am going to make out a chore list for him, and give him some responsibilities around here and he will have to earn back his game system, phone and t.v and computer privileges.
I'm hoping that we will be able to get through to him before this school year is over so we can start 9th grade out on a good note, and maybe he can learn to enjoy school a little.

Aggie, you are right, the school system here is hard to work with. They have changed and taken away a lot of the things for the gifted kids because of finances as they waste 1000's of dollars on office equipment for the administration building. Dr Paterson (the superintendent) quit or retired 3 years ago, and Dr. Hawkins came in and made changes and it was predicted that he would stay long enough to mess things up and then leave, and this year he left. Now we will have another new superintendent that has just started. Lord knows what he will do, with all the economy problems.

Anyway, thanks so much everyone. Any more advice is always welcome and I appreciate each and every one of you.

We will make it through this teenager-ness, I think. LOL

[Aggie_Ama]

Your area is also dealing with one of the most deployed bases in the US. Judging by a friend who ran screaming from teaching in the high school there a few years ago that brings a whole lot of challenges for the students, teachers, the general population! I feel for you, hang in there, I am not a parent but you all seem to survive. It is lovely outside today, can you sneak away for a walk or a ride?

Oh and as aside, push as hard as you can to not let them declassify him as gifted. They did that to my brother with similar issues to your son and it only got worse when he went into regular classes, be your own advocate for sure.