Help with motivating a teenager

[Irulan]

Mom of two GATE boys here. (GATE = Gifted and Talented Education, typically 97percentile and above) One is off the charts and we almost lost him as a student forever in the lower grades he was so bored.

The best thing we ever did was put them in our district's magnet program for gifted kids for middle school (grades 5-8, 4 classes, total 100 kids). Do you have access to ANYTHING? Most bright kids start blowing school off because they are bored, not interested in the curriculum, feeling superior to the regular kids etc. In addition, it's very normal developmentally for teen boys between the ages of 13-17 or so to really not have much motivation or follow through unless they are particularly interested in something. This is actually a brain chemistry/development fact, not just about attitude.

Chances are he's either bored to tears or has a learning disability ( which is different from giftedness) that is getting in the way of his success.

If you have access to anything to augment the school experience, go for it - even if they go kicking and screaming. if they have the option to work at their speed and create some of their own study plans, that is what I would recommend. I was lucky to have it through the public school, but in some areas you have to go to a private school to get the challenges. It's really a shame that the lower level kids in general get a lot more funding and attention that the high level kids who can "fend for themselves".

Where my kids did the best was in self study math: they were allowed to work on district math as fast as they could inhale it, and in what was called, Independent Projects where they could take ANY topic and make a full semester of study on it, covering as many aspects as possible. They entered high school at the Senior level of the district math program.

I hate to break it to you, but straight A's in most elementary schools isn't that great of an accomplishment. Any bright kid that's focused can do that, unless the curriculum is particularly challenging. Middle school has so many distractions, too - it's full of raging hormones and social drama - who has time for learning?

If your school has a counselor, you might talk to them about what kind of options are out there. One idea that other parents used was a super special extracurricular activity that would be funded/permitted if they could get their grades up. An example that comes to mind is fencing. I Knew a kid that really, really wanted to do it, and that was the carrot on the stick that worked for them.

Also inquire if there's an honors program at the high school level, and what it might take to get him into it. Good luck. If he's got the habit already of being a slacker, you might really have your work cut out for you. Somehow, you, or an inspirational teacher has got to trigger that love of learning switch.

Another resort might be home schooling - giving him the opportunity to follow some of his interests with guidance to keep it learning based. This however requires a HUGE commitment form the parents. I certainly couldn't have done it.

A side note. The teachers working with my kids and others were really big on parents NOT micromanaging their kid's work load. The thinking was, let them see what failing and forgetting things feels like, and learn from it, in middle school where it doesn't really matter instead of high school, where it does. God Bless Mrs. Mai, who literally got in my face and told me to butt out of my kids business, and let them learn how to be accountable for their own stuff.

as you say, take what you like and leave the rest. This is just my experience.

Irulan