I'm sorry you feel so sad and frustrated. When I first started riding, I joined a club ride. They made me feel like an idiot (you don't have this or that???). I joined a triathlon club and they made me feel like family. Total strangers taught me all I needed to know and listened to my endless questions. I think it's a matter of finding a group that makes you feel comfortable.
Now I'm going the opposite way. I have all the "right" gear and I just bought a touring bike. I haven't ridden my "fast" time trial bike in months. I want to ride my heavy touring bike in sandals and cargo shorts (with a little padding underneath). My bike is nerdy: I have fenders, racks, lights, etc. I don't care. Now I want to ride my bike because I want to and I don't give a hoot what anyone thinks about me or my set up. I put on the "right" gear for races and such (because it's comfy and aerodynamic and all), but when it's just me out there I look like a dork and I LOVE it..
So long as you're happy- nothing else should matter. You go ride and have fun and to heck with what anyone else says. And no offense to anyone, but the club rides around here with the "real roadies" make me so uncomfortable. They are snobby and have never made me feel welcome. I just go it alone or with my tri club peeps. Again- it's whatever makes me happy.