to add to the array of very good suggestions;


I am the one in my family that is the cheapskate. Sometimes, to justify a purchase, I will SELL something else. if this is not an option, then what about allowances? i get to spend x dollars a month on whatever i want and so does he.. set your own limits, whatever feels fair.
I know of more than one woman who did not feel like "Their" money was her money to spend. My mother socks away 20 to 50 dollars a month. she has a secret bank account that has about 600 dollars in it. that's HER money to splurge whenever she wants. it's kind of silly, but she's not alone.
another lady i knew in the 1980's, back in the days when we wrote a lot of checks? every check she wrote she'd add 1 dollar to it in her check register. all those 1 dollars added up to money her DH didn't know about. it was HER money.

but imho, the best way to go here is honesty. If all these subterfuges seem silly to you (however well they work for others), you just need to sit the man down and tell him how you feel! if you need a higher power with you, a friend, a minister, a parent, a sibling, by all means enlist someone. but you sound like you have been carrying a significant burden for some time now and you really need to get it out. good luck.