Question about cycling with friends

[ilima]

Yep. Some rides are designed to drop the weak. My sister used to ride with a bunch of hard-core roadies once a week. I remember her calling me in triumph when she said she'd managed to do the ride without getting dropped.

Some club rides are advertised as no-drop. So one of the group leaders will always wait for the slower folks.

[Violara]

Thanks for the input. My husband and I have another couple that we occasionally road cycle with, and I'm definitely the weakest member. It's gotten so that I actually quit riding, but now I think maybe I should ride alone. It just feels so awful to always be the last one to finish, and I ride harder than is comfortable in a vain attempt to keep up, so I end up sobbing on every ride--just really not too fun!

I had this feeling that this was not right--after the last time I said to my DH that I didn't understand why they'd invited themselves on our ride if they were going to take off at the first hill and we wouldn't see them again until 35 miles later. It's not fun for my DH either, since he feels like he needs to stick (somewhat) with me. He ends up trying to correct me (suggesting that I need to change gears, regulate my breathing better) which just gets me more upset.

When we've gone group rides, it's different, I wouldn't expect them to ride with me then, as I realize they've done training to do well. But if it's just the 4 of us, I think we should stick together, otherwise, as BleekerSt said, what is the point of riding with friends? Also, I don't want to be patronized, but I would appreciate the encouragement of not getting dropped every time.

[OakLeaf]

Yikes Violara, I'm with you 100%.

I'm often the weak link when I ride with my friends in the hill country, but if it's a "ride with friends" then we stick together. There've even been a couple of times (days when I was feeling extra sore for whatever reason) that I've told them to go on ahead, I knew my way back, and they refused.

Or, there's one other couple that I ride with, I'm pretty well matched with the husband but on any given day one of us could be feeling much stronger than the other; and the wife is not nearly as strong; but again we stick together. Whoever's feeling strong might go as far as two or three hills ahead, but if it gets over a half a mile or so, we wait.

[aicabsolut]

If you like riding in general, then I would start training alone and with your husband when he can take it easy with you. Ask him nicely to back off with the comments. You understand what he's trying to get you to do, but you're still learning about how to implement it for yourself.

If another couple or a few friends invite you out for a casual ride, then they need to stick with you. I think it's ok for the group to split up on hills, because everyone needs to go at pretty much their own pace. Even if the faster people are taking it easy, that may not be easy enough for the slowest. But then there should be some periodic regrouping.

It doesn't sound like you're trying to do some competitive group ride (and even then, many will have some regrouping points along the way, especially this time of year). So, if they're going to ride with you, they should ride with you.

[RoadRaven]

It's gotten so that I actually quit riding, but now I think maybe I should ride alone.

...It's not fun for my DH either, since he feels like he needs to stick (somewhat) with me. He ends up trying to correct me (suggesting that I need to change gears, regulate my breathing better) which just gets me more upset.

Hey there Voilara... I so understand. This was/is me when I go for rides with my partner and sons... so I do alot of my training/riding on my own now. When I do go with my partner and/or sons, we choose a day when they are doing a recovery/slower ride, and then I tuck in behind them and just keep pace. I end up with a great workout, I ride a few kms above what I can on my own, and they end up with a low intensity ride which they were wanting. Perhaps you can come to this type of arrangemnet with your DH?

And as for your DH giving advice... that was hard for me to, but mainly because I like to get things right and I hated knowing I was not. However, once over that mental block, I have found most my biggest improvements in technique and effort ahve come from his guidance. He has ridden lots (last year his talley was over 23,000kms) so he does know what he's talking about. But with his advice has always come encouragement and praise. And thats important too...

Maybe you should get him to read this thread so he has a good understanding of how you are finding it... and there might be some ideas here that are useful to him as he continues to support you.

Please don't give up. Persevere, and you will find a way of riding which suits you, and you and him.

[mumbles]

I often mountain bike with 4 or 5 other gals and we are all at different skill levels. We find it best to all ride at our own pace. If it is a trail we don't know the faster gals will wait up at intersections. The purpose of riding together, yet apart is so we know someone is there to help out if one of us gets into trouble. The slow riders don't want to have to kill themselves trying to keep up with the fast and the fast ones don't get bored trying to keep their pace slow. We are all out there to improve our riding, not to chat and ride at the same time. We can talk when the ride is over. I can see this might not work out so well on a long distance road ride, but for 10 mile mountain bike trails it works very well.

[keepclimbing]

Finding a group of people who want to ride at the same pace can be difficult. Riding by yourself has its pros and cons--you can pace yourself and really pay attention to what you're doing and that can be a great learning experience, but you may not be motivated to ride as long or far as you do when you have some company. You might want to ask around about different bike clubs. In my area we have clubs that are for beginners, slowpokes, social riding, and those in training. There are easy 5 mile trail rides and serious 100 hilly rides and everything in between. It may be that while you develop your skills and strength you don't ride with family and friends, but with a group that can help you feel that cycling is FUN. To look for a group, ask at bike shops, bike associations, and search online. Try meetup.com. I'm sure you'll meet new friends who have had similar experiences and need YOU to help them out.