Man & Woman Just Friends?

[RolliePollie]

Wow, you guys are all awesome! It is helpful to hear other people's opinions...and nothing anyone is posting is really surprising me. Gee, this is kind of like a free therapy or something! I really do appreciate everyone's posts.

So you're all validating what I already know but I don't want to accept. I either get over it and find contentment with the platonic friendship, or I stop hanging out with him so much. Either option will be hard. Not sure which way it will go, but I'll definitely be thinking on it. And thinking. And thinking. Part of my problem may be a biological clock issue too...I'm 35-ish so I'd like to get the family thing started already! But I do realize the chances of this friendship developing into anything more (let alone a family!) are about zero percent.

Btw, I love When Harry Met Sally...one of my co-workers and I are constantly quoting it. And not just the famous restaurant scene!

[salsabike]

I would just like to quietly say that there is no evidence at all that he isn't "good enough" for whatever. To suggest that there's something wrong with him seems like an injustice to me. In fact, I appreciate that he is telling Rollie the truth--lots of guys wouldn't, because it's easier not to.

I agree with everything else being said. Nicely put, Bleecker.

[Mr. Bloom]

Salsa +1

I think he sounds like a pretty good guy

[RolliePollie]

Salsa +1

I think he sounds like a pretty good guy

He's a very good guy. Thank you all for reminding me of this!

So it sounds like the concensus is as long as both parties are on the same page, then a single man and a single woman can successfully be just friends. Which totally makes sense. I guess any relationship, friendship or otherwise, can be a complicated thing!

[badger]

I wanted to post from the reversed side of the table.

I have a couple of very good male friends who are single. I've known them for about 8 years, and in that time, they have both expressed their interest in taking the friendship to another level.

One thing I hate about having male friends is sooner or later you have to clarify what your friendships' boundaries are.

I wish we didn't have to, I like them just fine as friends and would never want to entertain anything more with them. It makes me feel uncomfortable that they have admitted that they want more from me than my friendship, and it inevitably goes through a period of awkwardness. Luckily they've been able to get past it and have remained very good platonic friends. They even hang out with my boyfriend

This probably isn't helping your situation, but sometimes a relationship is the best way to ruin a good friendship. It may take you some time (and maybe you need to not see him much for a while?) to readjust your thinking towards him.

He's been upfront about not wanting a relationship saying he's a "confirmed bachelor". He obviously doesn't want to or have problems with commitment, so it's probably safe to assume that if you guys did venture into a relationship he'll hurt you.

And like others have said, don't think this has anything to do with what you think you lack. You don't, and you're definitely good enough - for someone who deserves you!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I think it's not a matter of someone being 'good enough' for someone else. It's a matter of if someone is 'the right person' for someone else.

Also, I have found that even though we can probably say correctly that it's impossible to control whether we have certain feelings for someone- it is possible to control what we do about those feelings. Often a strong physical crush/attraction towards a friend can run its course if we let it be...leaving in the end a healthy intact friendship. I can speak from experience on this one, and I'm sure glad now that I waited it out! Took a few months, but it was the right thing to do.

[Biciclista]

I think it's not a matter of someone being 'good enough' for someone else. It's a matter of if someone is 'the right person' for someone else.

that was my point. You are plenty good enough. But find someone who wants you. that will make all the difference in the world.