Help with body image

[crazycanuck]

I need some help with my body image. I swim & bike with folks who are skinny minnies/moes & I too would love to be that way. I am getting to the body image I want but not yet.

I don't hate my body, I just want something different & it's taking forever to get there. It's getting in the way of our time spent in the bedroom

Have you been there? What do you suggest?

Tanks
C

[OakLeaf]

oh boy HAVE I been there and mostly still there.

A couple things that have helped though:

(this sounds a little kinky, but I mean it in a completely non-autoerotic sense, and it works for me) touch, don't look. The mirror is often my enemy, because my eyes go right to the parts I hate, and skip over the muscles that other people see. But when you use touch, you can isolate your self-perception to parts of your body that you like, then build on that positive feedback. I like the feel of my rock-hard quads or triceps. I like to feel my hipbones all the way around. I like to put my hand on my *ss and find that it doesn't stick out half so far as where I expect to find it. Whatever parts of your body make you feel like an athlete, touch them, affirm them, make those parts the basis of your body image.

And actually... if it's affecting your "time in the bedroom" as it can for me - go ahead and put some autoeroticism into those touches! Let yourself feel the things that feel good to your partner, try to feel yourself through his hands!

Make yourself affirm OTHER people's body images. When I became an aerobics instructor, one of the most powerful lessons I learned was that I need to project a positive body image. Everyone in my classes is trying to be or become fit. Most of them aren't as fit as I am. Many times they'll comment that they wish they had a body like mine. Early on it took ALL my strength not to roll my eyes and make some self-hating comment, but for their sake, I have to encourage them, and the more I do it, the easier it gets to accept the way I look in THEIR eyes.

[lph]

I just thought - maybe watch a movie with someone unskinny but happy with it, like Queen Latifah in Chicago. The self-confidence just pours off her in waves. She's a big lady, but she is frankly, smoking HOT. And there are lots of mousy, introverted skinny minnies out there. There is nothing sexier than self-confidence, and that's not attached to body size or weight. Wanting to be fitter or faster or more athletic is something else, but that alone won't make a woman attractive.

[Veronica]

You have got to love what you've got; it's the only body you're going to get.

Seriously, maybe you're not meant to be a twig. I'm not. And wanting what you're not meant to be, just sets you up for failure. It took me a long time to figure this out and actually accept it. That's the hard part.

Veronica

[Biciclista]

What Veronica said.
You're telling us that what you look like is interfering with your bedroom time? turn the lights out then!

Your partner accepted you a long time ago, and it's not slowing him down, is it?
Start finding things about yourself that you do like. You're only going to get older, which is worse, you can't turn back the clock. You have to accept the things you cannot change, and change the things you can.
You're never going to be tall and slender.
You're never going to have a big nose like me.
you have a great compact body, and you have ALL the right stuff. Please appreciate it now while you still have it.

[Crankin]

Mostly, I think if you think of yourself as strong and athletic, that helps. You are doing things that a lot of "skinny" people can't do. Think of what you are doing for your health.
It's hard to keep a balance with this. Right before I started cycling, I was burned out on aerobics and sort of resigned to middle aged spread. But, I still thought of myself as athletic, as in my former self. Then, when my husband got me out on a bike, I could barely breathe and I wasn't too happy about the way I looked in the cycling apparel he bought me. That was my incentive to start cycling. It was a wake up call.
Veronica is right. We are all built a certain way and at least for me, no matter how much exercise I do, some things are not going to change. And, I would really like it if I were at least 4 inches taller...

[crazycanuck]

Oakleaf-I love to touch & not look I just forget & get wrapped up in a whirlwind of life.

Lph-Ian reminded me of our NZ friend who's 3x's the size of me BUT has the confidence. I had an "aha" moment...aha!

V-Thanks & yep perhaps i won't be a twig but i'll be a nice branch

Mimi-Yes, very true. Ian loves me bodayyyyyy but also my mind!

Crankin-I think i'll have to start thinking of myself as strong & athletic.

Ian's been trying to tell me all of the things you ladies have!!!

[solobiker]

I too have had thoughts like you mentioned. I just have to stay focused on what my body allows me to do. I may not be supper skinny but I am able to ride, hike, run, climb, backpack....the list could go on which makes me very happy. You are in awesome shape. Heck, last year you were sidelinded with an injury and now you just completed a long distance swim.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

CC- if it helps any, I will tell the truth...that when I saw the pix you posted of yourself in your bathing suit at the swim event, the first thing that popped into my mind was not "she looks fat" but it was rather "she looks pretty strong". Think of yourself as a strong woman, because that's what you are. Strong women are sexy.

[Veronica]

CC- if it helps any, I will tell the truth...that when I saw the pix you posted of yourself in your bathing suit at the swim event, the first thing that popped into my mind was not "she looks fat" but it was rather "she looks pretty strong". Think of yourself as a strong woman, because that's what you are. Strong women are sexy.

Hey, I missed this picture. I wanna see!

Veronica

[pardes]

Ian's been trying to tell me all of the things you ladies have!!!

Ian sounds like a Prince. Give him a GREAT big smooch for us!

[rocknrollgirl]

I realized this morning..and I will not discuss why I thought of it, that "they", our partners do not see what we see. They see what they love. So love what they see.


My guy friends at school say that I am the only woman they know that never, ever says that she feels or looks or is fat, or over weight or whatever. The reason for that is that I am amazed at what my body can do. And as long as I can be out there loving my sport, I do not care what the scale says.

You will get there, enjoy the journey, and let Ian love you the way you are.

[crazycanuck]

v..this is the thread lisa's referring to

http://http://forums.teamestrogen.co...ad.php?t=28180

[LBTC]

CC - I'm so glad you've received so much support and so many good ideas already. Take what you can and put it into practice. :-)

For me, when my health crisis was starting to turn the corner, I could feel that I was gaining more strength and mobility back, but my body was 30 or more pounds too heavy and on my short frame it REALLY showed. None of my clothes fit and it was terribly depressing for me. DH was really helpful - he got me out buying clothes. I went to a great consignment store and the lady there just loved to dress me up - she'd tell me what looked great and what didn't. I bought a REAL bra that was actually fitted. DH took me out as often as he could - gave me reasons to dress up. And, believe it or not, it worked!! Because I looked good in clothes that fit me well, I felt more confident, and that helped me look even better! And because the clothes were from a consignment store, I wasn't paying full retail - I didn't have to feel bad that I would shrink out of them And, sure enough, I did! As my body shifts from cycling season to winter and the difficulty of keeping the training going, I am resorting to a few of the in between clothes....but am happy to say that the clothes I bought at the beginning of that adventure still fall off of me!

You're a strong woman - let the world know!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[Andrea]

v..this is the thread lisa's referring to

http://http://forums.teamestrogen.co...ad.php?t=28180

Your link got a little messed up somehow... here ya go:

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=28180


I think you look mahhhhhvelous