35 reasons that give you away as a cyclist

[RoadRaven]

I don't remember seeing these here... my apologies if I am repeating a post...



You might be a cyclist if....

1. You tell a family of 5 in a crowded mall to "hold their line."

2. Your spouse says, "If you buy another bike I'm going to leave you" and you think "I guess I'm going to miss him/her."

3. You have more water bottles than you have drinking glasses.

4. You have more cycling jerseys than work shirts.

5. Your cycling jersey IS your work shirt.

6. Your legs are smoother than your wife’s.

7. The nicest pair of shoes you own have cleats in the soles.

8. You have defined the 8 stages of road-kill decomposition through daily observation.

9. You are walking along a street and you signal left.

10.You go to your local store on a bike.

11.You sulk when in cars, on hot days.

12.You sulk when in cars, on cold, windy, snowy days.

13.You get withdrawal symptoms if off the bike for more than a day.

14.When anybody mentions distance you immediately think of how long it would take to cycle it.

15.You point at pot-holes, but you are driving in your car alone.

16.While driving your car you yell at your passenger "Car back" as a vehicle approaches from behind.

17.Your bike is worth more than your car.

18.You put more miles on your bike than your car.

19.Your hands have a strange tan that looks remarkably similar to the pattern on your cycling gloves.

20.Weather forecasts can be broken down into 2 categories: good biking weather, bad biking weather.

21.You put your bicycle in your car, and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 4 (or better).

22.You find out you are going to have a child and the first thing you think about is how you will schedule your rides to avoid divorce and still be a parent.

23.You spend 2X the money on cycling wear that you do work clothes.

24. You can tell your wife with a straight face that it's too hot to mow the lawn, then bike off for a century.

25.You dream of winning the lottery and the first thing you think of is how many/which bikes can I buy?

26.You buy a car based on whether or not a bike will fit in the trunk/back, with the rear seat folded down.

27.You open your car window and yell out "On your left" when passing cars on the freeway.

28.You have not one, not two, but three permanent chain ring scars on your right calf.

29.Your bike sleeps with you in the living or bedroom.

30.You wear a heart rate monitor during sex.

31.You check out all other guys/girls legs to see if they are better than yours.
32.Your spouse can't take it anymore and takes up cycling.

33.You wonder why a $1200 bike has 24 gear ratios, while a $40,000 car only has 4 or 5.

34.You crash...and insist on getting to the bike shop to have your bike checked out BEFORE going to the hospital.

35.You can't seem to get to work before 8:30am, but you don't have a problem meeting your buddies at 5:30am for a ride.

[bikerchick68]

HAHAHAHA! Guilty your honor... of numbers 5, 11-13 and most recently 26...LOL... had a BMW and the bike wouldn't fit inside... I now have a lovely Forerunner and I'm a happy, happy girl!

[Lynne]

Needed a break here at work (missed my lunch, dangit!), saw this and realized that even as a newbie, some of these already apply. And, oh! The ones that apply to the BF (by the way, what does DH stand for?).

Me: #3, 19, 23 (well, I had to get stuff to start out...), 25, 26 (ok, it wasn't THE deciding factor, but I did check it out and discuss it), 29 (hey! bikes are being stolen from the secured garage, no way MY baby's going down there!), 30 (it's on the list, anyway).

The BF: #10, 14,17,18,21,25,30,31 (not that I'm knocking his car, I think it's fine...but the new bike he's building is worth a butt-load) And-at least these are all the things I picture floating through his mind throughout the day...

Thanks for the humor! It's a good day to have it, right? (Tues after a holiday...back at work...)

[CorsairMac]

LOL Lynne.

depending on the context it's used in:

DH=Dear Hubby

or

DH=DownHill


of course, depending on how you're feeling about your DH on any given day, he could be going DH real fast if he doesn't straighten up and fly right!

[betagirl]

Yeah, I'm so guilty:

#4, 10, 11, especially 14 (god that's so sad ), 19, 20, 23, 26, 31 and definitely 35.

Hilarious.

[velofanat]

working with geriatric population (I mean really geriatric)--> I've taught one of them on walking in a gym with the walker: "when you pass somebody slower than you, say: ' On your left'

[TrekJeni]

working with geriatric population (I mean really geriatric)--> I've taught one of them on walking in a gym with the walker: "when you pass somebody slower than you, say: ' On your left'

That's funny. On my car commute home I sometimes pass others with bikes on their cars too. I can see screaming out my window at them ON YOUR LEFT!

Many of these things on this list hit home. Yesterday after my ride, I'm in the car eating a protein bar with my right hand and I come to a stop sign. "Oh crap", I think to myself. "I should have downshifted coming to the stop! It's alwasy so hard to start out from a stop sign in a big gear!" Duh! I'm in the car.

[Grog]

Many of these things on this list hit home. Yesterday after my ride, I'm in the car eating a protein bar with my right hand and I come to a stop sign. "Oh crap", I think to myself. "I should have downshifted coming to the stop! It's alwasy so hard to start out from a stop sign in a big gear!" Duh! I'm in the car.

You obviously don't drive a car with a standard transmission.

Even in a car, starting out from a stop sign in a big gear is HARD!!!

[TrekJeni]

You obviously don't drive a car with a standard transmission.

Even in a car, starting out from a stop sign in a big gear is HARD!!!

Actually, I drive a 5 speed 900 Turbo Saab but had BF's automatic truck since my fuel pump went the way of the DoDo bird Thursday at work and had to be towed to my LCS. I usually work on my own cars but this requires dropping the tank and I'm not too sure I can do all that!

Yes starting in BIG gears are hard! On my list of things to do before I die is drive a semi truck - not as a profession but just to "do it"!

[bluerider]

19.Your hands have a strange tan that looks remarkably similar to the pattern on your cycling gloves.

Laugh if you must but honestly, I have been asked 1000 times what is wrong with my hands. I have a seriously visible tan from my gloves. It's gotten to the point where I'm self-conscious about it. I'll get all proud and say "I cycle" but it doesn't seem to impress too many people. Ah well, long live the geeky tan lines.

[CorsairMac]

Laugh if you must but honestly, I have been asked 1000 times what is wrong with my hands. I have a seriously visible tan from my gloves. It's gotten to the point where I'm self-conscious about it. I'll get all proud and say "I cycle" but it doesn't seem to impress too many people. Ah well, long live the geeky tan lines.

I would hold my hands up looking very puzzled and say "wrong with my hands?.....is something wrong with my hands?......I don't see anything??" then walk away still looking very puzzled.

(it's a sick world and I'm a happy gal)

[MomOnBike]

I have been asked 1000 times what is wrong with my hands

I'd do a variation on Corsair's thing. "Well, there was that fingernail that I had removed because of a tumor - dang fingernail never did grow in right, and of course, there is the arthritis and carpal tunel that is acting up right now, and the grease is from yesterday......"

I've never done it, but it would make 'em run, not walk from my general vicinity.

[bluerider]

Love it! That's a riot. I'll try that Corsair and Mom. Although I'm not sure I could with a straight face. I should be used to it by now, I get those looks when I'm at the pool doing laps or when I wear tanks. At least it hasn't gotten to the point where people are pointing or taking pictures. Hey, they're just jealous right?

[gretassister]

35 is me !!!!!! I'm a real night owql, but have done many rides on three or four hours sleep !!

[CorsairMac]

So I thought I"d post this here coz I Knew ya'll here would not only get it but find it funny:

Last night a group of us were sitting around planning our Friday night "Dinner and a Movie" outing. (I was the only cyclist - actually I was the only athletic Anything at the table). One of my friends said Her friend didn't want to be out too late Fri night and I said yeah, I didn't either I wanted to ride a century Sat. She rolled her eyes and looked at me and said well Her friend had to Work Sat...that was why she couldn't be out late. I just started laughing and said "gee....it was nice to know riding 100 miles on a bicycle wasn't work!"