on being a mom

[Mistie]

I did not want to have one when I was in early-mid 20's. Then, I had an ooops that I miscarried after 14 weeks. I felt the early kicks. It was amazing! Then, I realized (after the miscarriage) that maybe I did want a kid. So, after two months, I was in the green. I got to 24 months and almost died. I lost her too because I have two (Jewish and not a Jew in my family) blood clotting diseases. After that, we tried again and I lost the third at 8 weeks. Docs told me I would do best to stop trying and start living. Ex-DH and I could not get over the losses and divorced. I married my childhood sweetheart two years later. I got pregnant in 2 months. With A LOT of assistance (blood thinners, drugs, etc.), I had a normal little boy who is both the air that I breathe and the frustration I can get. He was not costly, I breastfed for 8 months (free!). His clothes were all and still are from a second-hand store. My mother gets him new stuff. He is not a huge eater. What used to be leftovers are smaller because he gets a portion. Diapers are expensive, but I got a book about teaching them early on about potty (some native thing) and he learned and is doing very well. We go out often. Our activities have changed some, no riding together as much and the park has become our friend. We do get away, my mom takes him a week in the summer and a week over Christmas. When he gets older, we should be able to do more with him. I pulled him in a trailer outside, even when it is cold. When he was fussy, this would help him to sleep. The cold air was great at getting him to sleep. We have had an easy baby. He slept through the night at 3 months, starting solids at 5, potty trained at 20. I can't imagine my life without him. Something my mother told me (as a fan of Dr. Rosemond) is that the baby should not be the center of your life, but you are the center of his life. So, we have done this.

[shootingstar]

Biciclista- I can imagine raleighdon chatting up to your pregnant belly at that time.

As for who will look after/look out for the childless in old age... We do need to take a hard look and be aware that quite a number of the elderly are left to their own devices. And some where their adult children don't visit /communicate at all to isolated/frail parent(s). To me, that is very heartbreaking after all those early years of loving and caring a baby/child.

And there are some awfully selfish adult children who expect their aging parents to still cover certain expenses/assist in mortgages, when parents may not have much in the way of assets, themselves to enjoy their retirement years.

Tuckerville:
It is very heartstopping to think there are some people in this world who shouldn't have been a parent in the first place due to their prolonged physically abusive behaviour to their own children.

So self-knowledge of one's own limits could have saved some lives/trauma of others.

I know for myself that whenever a friend/acquaintance chatted excitedly about wanting a child or having their imminent child about to be born, I would feel...nothing. No excitement, no longing, no regret. Nothing. And that feeling kept on persisting over and over.

And it got tested again when I met and fell for my guy who already had 2 children. The opportunity presented itself..again...did I want to assume a mother role? No.

I only mention my scenario, since compared to 50 years ago, there are now more 2nd (and 3rd) marriages / relationship involving children from previous marriages where a childless partner needs to have their eyes wide open and consider all factors if they want to assume a parent role.